Days recap

[cleolinda]

AHHHH! I forgot to write the Days recap! Usually I play-by-play it just so I don't forget what happened, but general summaries seem to have worked the last couple of days, so I may go with that. Comment if you prefer the longer version.

The Lucas-Sami plotline really went nowhere--it just sort of wrapped itself up, which is shocking on a show like this. Lucas keeps apologizing to the cops and shell-shocked Sami, but it just sounds like abuser bullshit. Every time he says something like, "I used to be an alcoholic, so I know," or "My mother was a battered wife, so I know," the cops nod and say pointedly, "Ohhhh, history of abuse in the family. I have to write that down." More on this later.

John is refusing to testify against Marlena, and since he's the only one who heard her confession and saw her pull a gun on him, he's pretty much all they have. Bo is of the vexed. Sami, who is also at the station as you recall, starts shrieking at them. John turns to her and says that he's going to to everything he can to help Marlena and that he will not, in fact, testify. (I prefer to think this is not because he is incapable of remembering even the most recent events; I prefer to think of John as just so irrationally in love with Marlena as to be rendered idiotic. You can see it, can't you?) Sami is stunned.

Back to the Sami-Lucas storyline. John's loyalty to her mother gives Sami pause. Of course, Sami's been on "pause" the whole episode, just sort of stumbling around and wailing for her mommy and daddy. (You think I'm kidding.) Finally, after Lucas gives his mournful statement and it's her turn to give hers, she pulls her shit together and admits that she was the one who was drunk and violent, and that if the cops had burst in 20 seconds earlier, they'd have arrested her. Kate and Lucas react with such shock that I'm surprised the cops don't think Sami is lying. (Kate, to herself: "What game is that little bitch trying to pull now?" God, Kate, take a pill or something.) So today's theme is Family Loyalty. There you go.

Now. Back to the good stuff--the Caged Heat Lite stuff. Marlena is thrown into county lockup with a really scary blonde coming down off drugs, a Large Marge type, a Pat Benatar wannabe, and... Crystal. I heart Crystal. Crystal has her orange jumpsuit rolled up to her knees and half her hair is crimped. She's blonde and I mistook her for Nicole for a moment on the preview. She's supposed to be a hardened white trash criminal, but she still looks soap-opera glam. Je *coeur* Crystal.

Apparently half the pen has had dealings with Marlena, and just to make things worse, Marlena remembers none of them. Apparently her counseling didn't help Crystal, and apparently she passed judgment with "expert testimony" on Large Marge at a sentencing hearing. There's some freaky blonde druggie coming down who begs Marlena for help. Marlena's help consists of "take deep breaths." Druggie Blonde starts shrieking that she wants Marlena to hook her up with some drugs, STUPID. Druggie Blonde is apparently a moron as well as high. Food is passed out--your general prison slop n' beans fare. Crystal gets pushed by someone else into a plate of food and screeches "You pushed me!" at Marlena. Again: everyone in this pen is a moron. Crystal then backs that ass up with breathtaking élan and tells Marlena she ought to clean the food off for her. Marlena looks suitably horrified.

Cranky matron to the rescue: Nicole has come to see Crystal, her old friend from her porno days. ("How'd you know I was in jail?" asks Crystal. "When are you... not?" says Nicole in this half-sympathetic, half-condescending voice. Nicole is really growing on me.) She tells Crystal that she's got enough money to bail her out AND get her a good lawyer so that Crystal's little girl doesn't have to stay with Crystal's alcoholic mother. We are supposed to feel pity for Crystal and her babygirl here, except that I'm not sure that Crystal's an improvement as guardians go. What does Nicole want in exchange? Oh, for Crystal to kill Marlena, of course, so that Marlena won't rat Nicole and Crazy Jan out for the Victor bathtub murder. Crystal is on the verge of pointing out to Nicole that killing someone in the pokey is not the best way to beat a completely separate rap, but Nicole announces that Marlena dies today or Crystal gets no money, and leaves.

There's a plot about the Belle-Shawn-Philip triangle that basically involves Shawn accusing Philip of stealing his girl, and Belle and Philip ganging up on him, and then Belle and Shawn ganging up on Philip, wash rinse repeat, and then Philip and Shawn break out into a fistfight. Crazy Jan is watching from a brick wall somewhere. I don't know. Yawn.

Back to the pen. Crystal comes in and sends a telephone-style whisper around the room. (In fact, I like to imagine that not everyone got the message correctly, which would explain a lot about what happens next. I also like to imagine that they started off saying "Kill the rich bitch" and that somewhere down the line, one of the crazy trashy prisoners looks up and goes, "Kiss the Ritz Bits? What?") Anyway. The amazing thing is not that a prison fight breaks out. The amazing thing is that it seems to start spontaneously and have nothing to do with Marlena at all. The women start shoving and screaming at each other, and Marlena hides as best she can. And then, in a stunning stroke of cinematic brilliance, an orange-sleeved arm is seen to shoot up above the mêlée holding a sharpened spoon that gleams under the fluorescent track lighting. It plunges down! Gasp!

Bo gets a call that a fight has broken out, and that someone has been stabbed, and that someone is dead. John is horrified: "It has to be Marlena!," he gasps, clearly never having seen this show before. Artistic flashes of the holding pen reveal all the women sprawled unconscious, Marlena among them, her jumpsuit stained with blood baked beans. Apparently one slightly serrated eating utensil took a dozen women out. Now we all ded from spoon.

Previews: Somehow Mimi gets knocked out in the boys' fight. The show is also stupid enough to give away that Marlena isn't the one dead, because Bo is seen ordering a murder investigation and John protests that they're not sure it's a murder yet, so clearly they think Marlena killed someone, not the other way around. Stupidheads. I mean, we all know she's fine, but I'd like for them to at least pretend there's a little suspense here.

ETA: My kingdom for a screen cap of the fight--I have an idea for an icon. C'mon, it'd be nice to have one for the recap entries.

Comments

[pescivendolo.livejournal.com]

I only caught about 15 minutes today, and it was 15 minutes of Bo kicking some JohnBlackAss. I liked the exchange about how John couldn't sentence her to death and Bo replying with "If not, how many other people will you sentence to death?" Thank God for the one gleaming light of common sense. Oh, and I did get to see Sami wail for Mommy and Daddy. Strange.

I went into this review thinking I would prefer the play-by-play, but this one isn't really much shorter or any less entertaining, so I have no opinion. I'm just grateful that you do this period. I get a recap and some serious laughs at the same time. So, spanx!

Oh, Crystal used to play the equivalent of Nicole on Sunset Beach - slutty golddigger, married to the evilest and richest man in town, great hair, really funny.

[kimera.livejournal.com]

Okay, I haven't seen Days in for*ever*, but I clicked on the cut just 'cause... and then I saw the name Crystal, and oh, you KNOW what I thought. Heh.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heeee. I had the same thought.

(...There's some photoshop fun to be had here, if only we could find screen caps.)

[disgruntledjenn.livejournal.com]

Eeee, I didn't know you were a Days fan. I've been horribly addicted to that soap since the whole Jan got pregnant by Paul and it was Shawns baby but not really thing (well before that too but that's when I tuned in)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I got sucked in late last summer--a by-product of taking my graduate classes at night and having the day. Well, actually, my sister got me addicted to Passions, and I got sucked into Days because that's my mother's soap and it's on right before. And then my mother had me start sending her email summaries, and I posted one, and it just started from there.

Hey, explain the whole Jan's baby thing? It was before my time, but they keep talking about it now. I don't even know who Paul is, and why would Shawn say he was the father? I mean... just to be "nice"? What?

[disgruntledjenn.livejournal.com]

Paul Mendez was Nicole Walker's evil father who got her involved in the porn industry. The whole younger Salem crowd took a trip to an "exotic" island (aka a made up soundstage) and Paul Mendez posed as the boat captain.

While on the island Shawn, Belle and Phillip were looking for Alice Horton's "ruby", but Paul Mendez was looking for it as well. They ended up getting into a whole stuck in a cave and almost died situation and it landed Phillip in in the hospital for a week.

Wait, what was my point, oh yes. Paul promised Jan that he'd put her in the "movies" and she went off on the island with him. Paul ended up raping her and Shawn stumbled in after hearing her screams. When Jan found out she was pregnant with Paul's baby Shawn being the "noble" man he is (yeah right) decided to take the cover for her and tell everyone that he was the father of her baby. Belle got totally upset and everyone was freaking out, and Bo and Hope ended up letting Jan move into their house. Anyway Jan got all mad one day and wanted to keep Shawn "forever" so she fell down the stairs and ended up losing her baby, and blamed it on Belle.

Hope that helps lol

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

If Belle and Shawn were dating at the time... I say that makes Shawn an asshole. GAH.

[disgruntledjenn.livejournal.com]

Yup, they were dating at the time, which kind of makes it funny how Belle was willing to forgive Shawn for THAT but yet he wouldn't forgive her for lying about Marlena's whereabouts during Doug's murder.

[katcat.livejournal.com]

Ok, first off... I like the blow by blow reviews but either way is fine. I just thought those were funnier so..

Now the Jan baby thing. Basically all the kids went to some Island over a summer break (I think it was a clean up the already perfect island thing) except for Chloe who was dating Phillip. (She was THE best character, I miss her). On prom night Jan and Mimi posted nude pictures of Chloe that they'd taken while she was showering all over the internet and on a big screen at the dance (this is what that whole I've been arrested before thing was about). Phillip was all "YOU WHORE" and dumped her and then we he finally found out Chloe had nothing to do with it was all "take me back!" and she was all "Fuck no, bitch!" Yeah... So while on this Island thing Phillip sings their song to an imaginary Chloe, that song is "I need you like breath like air..." by Leann Ryhmes...yeah...it was kind scary. It was at this time that Chloe and Brady began to happen.

Then, while on the Island there was this creepy guy who got Jan drunk and then raped her. Shawn came strolling in as he was pretty much climbing off of her and started to try and kick his ass (it didn't work). So Jan begged Shawn not to tell anyone because she didn't want to be seen as a slut and because people didn't like her already because of the whole nude picture thing and blah blah blah. So he promises not to tell and later she finds out she's pregnant. The show goes all pro-life as Shawn begs for Jan not to have an abortion... hellllooo...raped? Anyway, he says he'll say he was the father if she won't abort it and so she doesn't and he does. He and Belle break up for a bit and then Jan falls down some stairs and miscarriages and so Shawn fesses up and then everyone is all "Oh, Shawn! How valiant!"

That was a really looonng summary but there you go. :)

[baggers.livejournal.com]

You mentioned you were writing Days caps over in Teh One Wank, and I was all OMG DAYS FAN! You mind if I friend you? I live in Australia and every now and then try to catch up on US ongoings, since we are 3 years behind, and you're caps are funny as all heck.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Awww, go for it! I always like new friends. I haven't updated yesterday or today, though--schoolwork and Teh One Wank and all. Not too much happened, really, except that Sami and Lucas FINALLY got it on, HALLELUJAH. Maybe Sami will mellow out now. GOD.

[baggers.livejournal.com]

Schoolwork? Oy, *eyes books* I was supposed to start a paper sometime last week. I've written exactly 2 lines. o.O

Good gravy, they only JUST hooked up!?! right now, here, she is just about to move out of the Kiriakis Mansion, and into Eric's place. I swear, even though I know the outcome, I'm still going to be cheering on Lucas' death when they have that helicopter crash later on.