Friday night, so busy

[cleolinda]

Been having a psychological crisis the last few weeks--wow, that sounds a lot more dire than it actually is. What I'm actually getting at is that I'm at a stage of Black Ribbon where I am basically looking for things to psych myself out about. My first anxiety topic was Omg, If My Research Is Not Thorough to the Point of Dullness, The Historian Equivalent of the Comic Book Guy Is Going to Start Blogging About How Much I Suck. (It got to the point where I was seriously considering starting the story with the subtitle "Londinium, 1889," just to signify HOW VERY, VERY ALTERNATE-UNIVERSE the story is. I still have not completely dissuaded myself on that one, except that "Londinium" would get hella cumbersome in repeated use.) Now that I'm feeling a bit more comfortable in my research, I obviously need something else to panic about--in this case, that the finished book will not be the fulfillment of all my hopes and dreams. Every time I see a book review, I start to think, "Oh, God, my book could never be even half that good." Every time I hear about a book award (mostly sci-fi/fantasy awards): "Oh, God, my book could never win one of those." Or, even better, every time I see an author on TV, my first thought is usually, "Oh God, I wouldn't be able to go on TV! I look terrible!" The subtext is, of course, that I do want the book to be that good. You know, the way you aspire to things. Notice, by the way, that both of these general concerns assume the book is finished, which it so totally is not, and are therefore the very definition of "borrowing trouble." More to the point, they make me too anxious to finish, which is, I suspect, their true, self-sabotaging purpose.

What I have to sit back and remember every now and then is that everything I've ever succeeded at in my life, I did so because I started doing it for fun. This is not the same thing as saying, "If it's not fun, you shouldn't bother doing it." What I'm saying is that, for me personally, the best and truest things in my life came to be because I was doing them for the love of the thing itself. Hard work is fine, and I dig that too; but the moment I start calculating about how it might effect people or what I could gain from it, or even how it's going to effect my own life in general, it falls to pieces. Which is unfortunate, because you do have to "calculate" how you intend to earn a living, you know? But there's just a point where, if I personally am not living in the moment of enjoying the thing itself, I get tangled up in my own panic and fall down. Movies in Fifteen Minutes was great--as long as I was doing it on the spur of the moment. The red-hot second that I announce one in advance, I can't follow through. I can't look ahead, I can't even daydream--not about my own future, anyway. It's like some kind of zen thing--I have to exist only within the doing of the thing itself, I can't plan or calculate, or I can't do it. It's not the savviest way to go through life, which is why I'm trying to be clear that it's not something I'm recommending.

But when I get on another navel-gazing anxiety track, I think it's important to remember precisely that--to remember that thinking about the future, about the real-world effect of anything I do on myself or anyone else, any kind of "glamorous life" daydream, just stifles me. I can't do it, and if I am doing it, I have to stop. I'm writing this because I love writing, and because I love writing this story in particular. I'm writing this for me, and for a handful of people who have already read the beginning of the story in an embryonic form, and so I can get enough money to keep my head above water, and so I can then sit back down and write another one, and another one. A couple thousand people, if I'm lucky, might like the book. There won't be any awards or interviews or conventions to worry about. Finishing this book is not going to change anything. That's all there is to it, because it's the truth, and I keep having to tell myself that.

Massive catchup linkspam:

Scienos go after LA Anon by getting him arrested--and killing his cat Mudkips. Because that's going to convince 6000 angry hacktivists to go home. And it's not the first time they've gone after people's pets, either. Also: An excellent article on the Scientology protests from Radar Online; Rick Astley thinks rickrolling is "bizarre and funny" (here's a second interview. Man, he seems like good people).

Deaths: Arthur C. Clarke; Paul Scofield; Richard Widmark.

Anderson Cooper says he has skin cancer.

State of Alabama to Gamble Pensions on Your Willingness to Pay $35 For a Movie. *facepalm*

Obama related to Pitt, Clinton to Jolie.

Security lapse exposes Facebook photos.

Dr Pepper issues challenge to Guns N' Roses.

Creepy Gnome is a fake. Yes, but what is it, then? And why is it sidling?

Stingray kills woman on boat in Fla. Okay, I know this is an old story by now, but IT JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND HIT HER IN THE FACE AND THEY BOTH DIED! IT HAD A WINGSPAN OF 5-6 FEET! Jesus, if that jumped out at me I would have died instantly from sheer terror.

Leader: 'I eat this fruit without any fear.' I EAT IT UP!

Cigarette Company Paid for Lung Cancer Study.

Facebook gets entangled in Middle East conflict.

Fake Editors’ Names on Rejection Letters.

Splenda replaces sugar in the new 'Sweet Valley High' series.

Attn all skanky, clothing-averse coeds: this is why you don't want to be in a Girls Gone Wild video.

Bench warrant issued for Shia LaBeouf. For... smoking?

U.S. won't let flamboyant British author in. "Moral turpitude"?

Esquire journalist gets George Clooney to watch "2 Girls, 1 Cup."

No more 'Top Model' for Tyra Banks? I'm embarrassed that my initial reaction to this was panic.

ABC says that four-toed Lost statue was too weird; LOLLost: Srsly, Guiz, Dis Izland Is Weeerd.

Children of Men: The Series.

Science fiction authors offer unusual Homeland Security Advice; Automated Science Fiction Convention Finder; Google Maps of Sci-Fi; A Board Game Even Cthulhu Could Love; Postapocalyptic Images Made Out of Food; The Dardenbahst - A Glimpse Into A Lego Steampunk World; Happy Air Kraken Day!; Clockpunk Motorcycle Sculptures; "Wikihistory," a short story about time-travel.

PSP Worried about Slutty New Pony Rivals; More Pictures of the Wonderful New My Little Slutty Pony Toys. I don't have enough DO NOT WANT for this.

trailer_spot: Darjeeling Limited, No Country for Old Men, Band's Visit (reviews); Mamma Mia!, Deception, Death Defying Acts, Standard Operating Procedure, Children of Huang Shi.

New images: Prince Caspian; The Wolfman; The Dark Knight; Hancock (photos and website); Incredible Hulk; Forbidden Kingdom; X-Files 2 poster; Speed Racer; Iron Man; Indiana Jones; The Fall; WALL•E; Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince. Also: First Look: Johnny Depp as John Dillinger in 'Public Enemies.' Man, the painting in this guy's attic must be hideous, because I don't know that he's aged a day in the last twenty years. And then: Cinefex Cloverfield Photos. It's all over: here are hi-res effects shot of the monster. Nothing left to hide. And they still give me the wig. Also, I can now make a proper "NOM NOM NOM" icon.

New Half-Blood Prince Set Teaser Report Mentions Slughorn's Christmas Party; Cheryl Klein, Tamora Pierce to Speak at Terminus; Maggie Smith Diagnosed with Cancer; Prognosis "looks good"; Bridge Used in Potter Filming for Platform 9 3/4 to be destroyed by Muggles?; Programming Schedule for Accio 2008 Announced; Report: Rupert Grint Filming Quidditch Scenes for "Half-Blood Prince"; College Quidditch Gains Media Coverage.

Ledger's passing stokes Joker mania; Joker could be biggest posthumous role; Updates on The Dark Knight's Viral Marketing - New Gotham Times Released!; We Reveal The Ending Of Batman: The Dark Knight [Morning Spoilers]; Maggie Gyllenhaal Promises She's Not Katie Holmes ("Obviously it's better Gyllenhaal is bringing a different performance to the role, but part of me wishes she had, as she suggested, tried to imitate Holmes' performance. I'm just curious how she'd go about it. I imagine it being something like an hour-long shrug--both impressive and incredibly boring").

Rotten Tomatoes Talks to Ben Barnes; Two More Video Clips of Ben Barnes; Adamson/Gregson-Williams on the Prince Caspian Score.

A 'Wolfman' Producer Spills a Few Secrets.

'Star Wars' Fans Call for 'Superhero Movie' Boycott; George Lucas Talks 'Indiana Jones,' Says "It's Just a Movie ..." Well, good luck telling my mother that.

‘Speed Racer’ Is Like ‘Nothing You’ve Ever Seen Before,’ Promises Hirsch.

Sir Ian McKellen Says He WILL Return as Gandalf in 'The Hobbit.'

Another Shaky 'X-Files 2' Teaser Trailer; Find Out What Scares Scully In X-Files 2; Carter Offers X-Files Spoilers. If the word "Samantha" is in there at all, I will run screaming the other way.

Scoop: Tom Cruise joining 'Star Trek' cast; Simon Pegg Says He’s Signed On For Three ‘Star Trek’ Films - So Why Did He Almost Say ‘No’?; More 'Star Trek' From Simon Pegg!

Trippiest Twilight Zone Episode Becomes A Movie.

Hugh Jackman is 'Nowhere Man'; Marshall Directing Jackman in 'Drive'; Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor Get Dirty In "Deception."

Dennis Quaid and Kate Walsh Join Paul Bettany's 'Legion.'

Maria Bello to Replace Maggie Gyllenhaal in 'Pippa Lee.'

Leo DiCaprio Set to Star in Ridley Scott's 'The Low Dweller.'

Gary Oldman to Star in 'Rain Fall.'

Paul Giamatti Is Back with Clive Owen for 'Duplicity.'

Anton Yelchin To Play 'Terminator's' Kyle Reese -- and Paul Haggis Doing Script Work?

John Krasinski’s Next Project A Work Of 'Staggering Genius.'

Henry Cavill Joins Woody Allen's New NYC Comedy.

Whitaker Addresses ‘Wild Things’ Re-Shoots, Says Kids Can Handle Jonze’s Vision. Wait, Whitaker is a Wild Thing? That's kind of awesome.

Lohan is One of 'Manson's Girls.'

Ashley Greene Confirms New ‘Twilight’ Casting, Accessorizing With Fans.

Minghella's Final Film Draws Big Ratings in U.K.; Kapur Directing Minghella's 'New York' Piece.

Serious Actors Join Stone's 'W'; Elizabeth Banks Cast as Laura Bush in Oliver Stone's Biopic?

Pirates of the Caribbean Writers Hired for Bruckheimer's Lone Ranger Next.

Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom battling it out for Prince of Persia lead? I'm not really seeing the competition here. Bloom's already worked with Bruckheimer on, what, four movies? He's been in two of the biggest trilogies of all time? Zac Efron was in a couple of Disney Channel musicals, and his face looks like it melted?

Is Jodie Foster Bringing ‘Flora Plum’ Back From The Dead?; Nim Cut Fantasy Characters; Nim's Foster Kissed With A Seal. Ah, I see what you did thar, headline writer!

Three-Disc 'Casino Royale' DVD Coming In June 2008. *pets director commentary*

'World War Z' Gets an Early Script Review.

Find Out Why Klaatu Is Visiting This Time Around [Morning Spoilers].

'American Teen' documentary poster inspired by 'Breakfast Club.' "Imitates exactly" might be a more accurate description. It's kind of impressive, really.

Outlandish Oscar Rules Force Film Arguing For Polanski's Exoneration To Wait for Cable TV.

Review: 'Chapter 27' adds nothing to Lennon story.

Sacha Baren Cohen's Bruno On the Loose in Kansas?; 'Bruno' Terrorizing Kansas with Flamboyancy.

Sweded Lord of the Rings; Sweded Jurassic Park.

Bosworth too drunk to remember '21' love scene.

Ryan Phillippe Recalls Missing Out On Anakin Role In 'Star Wars' Prequels.

The 'Fanboys' Situation Gets Real Nasty.

Dude, THAT'S your plot? (Vol. 2): Dolph Lundgren's 'Command Performance.'

Zombie Strippers Will Lapdance On Your Grave.

The Hater: Eddie Murphy Is Just Fucking With Us Now.

Comments

[etherealshores.livejournal.com]

OMG! More Casino Royal! I'm in heaven. :P

Oh, poor Anderson. :(

Ian coming back for the Hobbit is so awesome!

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

*sets aside money to spend on the new Casino Royale DVD*

[last-archangel.livejournal.com]

I seriously cannot wait for Legion. I've been banking on Bettany playing an angel for years, although I was hoping for Aziraphale. Oh well.

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

D: kitty.

The Scientology office in the city here is a block down the street from the Mental Health Centre; I find this unbelievably hilarious.

[metonymy.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should try yoga or meditation?

What I'm saying is that, for me personally, the best and truest things in my life came to be because I was doing them for the love of the thing itself.

Thank you for this, though. I'm currently less than a week away from my MA exams, and it's helpful to be reminded in the midst of my panic that, as scary and stressful as this is, I started on this path because I love it.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

MY GOD, THE LINKSPAM, THE LINKSPAM! IT'S FULL OF STARS!
--

Cleo, I'm sorry the writing has slowed down. Wish I could help, but there's really nothing I can do except to say that I'd like to read whatever you write, and I'm really looking forward to it. I also realize that by saying that, I risk making you feel worse since you're already feeling like you can't deliver, even if that's not true. (I keep having people tell me that they're sure I'll do "great" when I defend my thesis, which is having the opposite effect, since I'm not so sanguine.) Anyhow, *hugs*.

[shanisasha.livejournal.com]

They're making a PoP:Sands of Time movie??? I run in fear now.

I wonder if they'll have little "Why am I talking to myself?" blurbs like the game does.

[marumae.livejournal.com]

I think I orgasmed a little seeing Johnny Depp as Dillinger, damn something about a man in clothing of that period RAR. I wonder if that Orlando/Zac Effron as Prince of Persia thing is real, as a fan of the game series I just...oh I have no...way of describing how I feel on that.

Cleo what's your feeling on the CHildrden of Men series and Wolfman movie?

Sir Ian McKellen Says He WILL Return as Gandalf in 'The Hobbit.' THANK YOU IAN...THANK YOU....NO REALLY THANK YOU.

[minoriko.livejournal.com]

I wonder if that Orlando/Zac Effron as Prince of Persia thing is real, as a fan of the game series I just...oh I have no...way of describing how I feel on that.

I summed my feelings into a massive DO NOT WANT.

[viorica8957.livejournal.com]

No Samantha, but there is a plot point that comes up at the very end of Season Seven and continued into eight and nine.

Wait, Lindsay Lohan's still getting roles?

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Of the four Poniez, I'd go with the fourth one. The first one probably has a name like Candi or Brandy or something. She's a walking demographic for dirty old men, and they probably make up the most of her suitors. And she'd probably not understand a single one of my jokes, but laugh at them anyways. The third is a maneater. Even though she's the girl who has everything, she'd demand all I had, and when I had outlived my usefulness, she'd crush with me a smile. The fourth one thinks it's all fun and games, until it turns out she was secretly underage, so her father and/or brother make short work of me. I'm trying to extricate myself of the situation, but she's all "You can't make me choose! I'm a grown woman!"

So yeah, number two's the safest bet.

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Er, to be clear, I definitely mean the second. Number two. Nice Anne Hathaway quality to her.

[ladyvoldything.livejournal.com]

...His cat?! Oh no they did NOT.

Does anybody know what Mudkips looked like? I want to find a picture of the cat, or of any similar cat, and make a "CO$ kills cats" sign for the next protest.

[sweet-pessimism.livejournal.com]

I know! Just looking at the link title filled me with rage.

I think I'll be making a "Do you love your pet? Co$ doesn't" sign.

[msilverstar]

You can finish the book! I want to read it!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks. Actually, I've spent the last week reading annotated Sherlock Holmes stories, and it's made me feel a lot better. I'm so hung up on getting details right, and here's all these fan-historians constantly bitching that So-and-So Street didn't exist, and that's not how a Webley revolver actually worked, and clearly, Conan Doyle is just WRONG about whether there was a train from Winchester at that time--if he can't even get details from his own time period right, how am I expected to do it a hundred years later? ALSO, OMG, HOLMES IS NOT REAL. STOP BEING PSYCHOTIC, PEOPLE.

[tonks07.livejournal.com]

Yea linkspam!

More Johnny Depp plz! Lol at your comment about his 'painting'

Sir Ian in the Hobbit? Yes plz! I can't imagine them not using him or Andy Serkis. I'm curious who will be Bilbo though. And what the plot of the 2nd film will be...

I'm so excited for the Dark Knight. I love all the viral marketing. I missed most of the Joker bits, but I submited a photo to the Dent site and now I'm waiting for a voter card in the mail. :)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I think the second movie's supposed to be about the build up to LOTR--things that are recorded in Tolkien's writings, but maybe not explicitly put forth in a narrative. Gandalf and Aragorn running around, I imagine.

[arden-ranger.livejournal.com]

Oh, my god. Deception... guh. I think I just had a religious experience. I now need a cigarette. Hugh Jackman is a sexy beast anyway, but fuck me, he is unspeakably sexy as a Bad Man. Damn, Just damn.

[sweet-pessimism.livejournal.com]

LOLLost? Sheer awesome.

"Stingray kills woman on boat in Fla."
HOLY SHIT. That mental image is going to haunt my nightmares.

Love the use of the word 'whorses' to describe the My Little Slutty Ponies. There is simply no other word(s).

"Lohan is One of Charles Manson's Girls"
I'm totally not surprised. ...Oh, wait, you mean in a movie?! ...People are still casting her in movies? That is surprising.

On a more serious note.. Co$ attacking pets? That is WAY BELOW THE BELT in my opinion. I don't know about you guys, but I so crazily love my cat that I would prefer they just fucking come after me in person.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Even though I hate the phrase, I have to say: BRAIN TWIN.

That first paragraph right there is the primary reason I am getting nowhere on my book right now. I'm like, MUST DO MORE RESEARCH IT HAS TO BE PERFECT. Made worse by the fact that my story isn't set in fantasy or sci-fi at all. *sigh*

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I will freely admit, the amount of fantasy I feel like putting in at any given moment is directly proportional to how much historical-accuracy angst I happen to be feeling at the time. "You know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'll just MAKE SOMETHING UP. And I'll make it so obvious that no one can bitch about it. Henceforth all the servants are robots. WHAT NOW, BITCHES."

[caerbannog.livejournal.com]

I read almost nothing but historical fiction, but I can't bring myself to even want to write it because of the research involved. Also, once in a writing class, I and another history geek totally picked apart one girl's story. I feel kind of guilty now for going to town on it, but if you're going to have people waltzing at balls during the Middle Ages, it's really hard to not say anything.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Okay, see, the kind of thing I'm angsting about is the equivalent of someone being all like, "Um, they hadn't invented the volta yet in 1300, NOOB." Waltzing in the Middle Ages? I cannot fault any snark on that one.

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

Ionesco is so proud right now.

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Creepy Gnome: Why is that Traffic Cone doing the moonwalk?

Stingray- to be fair, Eagle Rays often leap out of the water. I think the woman was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also- Manta Rays span 25 feet...

"Carter Offers X-Files Spoilers. If the word "Samantha" is in there at all, I will run screaming the other way" -if the word 'Krycek' *isn't* in there, I won't be running to see it *g*

[zrath.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad I only paid $10 for my 2-Disc DVD version of "Casino Royale" (without cheese).
Since it's doing that weird thing where the sound goes up and down, the release of the new version gives me an excuse to turn my version in for some store credit (yea, like $2's worth. Blargh. Used DVDs have no resale value.)

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

What's all this about moral turpentine, eh?

Dude, thanks.

[xander77.livejournal.com]

The Clooney and Rick Roll interviews were interesting, wiki-history was freaking hilarious.

[camisado.livejournal.com]

Too much linkspam to comprehend! I must pace myself, make it last the whole workday..

Have you ever read The Artist's Way? I'm trying to make myself start it. Your psych-outs remind me of the "blurts" TAW says you have to convert into affirmations.

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

I am just now reading World War Z, which is amazing, and am a huge fangirl of JMS. This will be one to see in theaters.

[rachnye.livejournal.com]

I cannot wait, and yet I am scared to see it at the same time.

[hwesta-of-troy.livejournal.com]

Cleo, I've been meaning to mention this. I wonder if you've heard of the movie Perfect Creature? It sounds right up your alley... steampunk neo-Victorian, shiny brass technology, vampiric despotic governments.... I just re-watched it and it's awesome.