How I spent my Saturday night

[cleolinda]

Things We Learn from Vantage Point:

* Presidents have been using body doubles "since Reagan";

* Whoever was doing Sigourney Weaver's makeup hates her;

* Anamaria can't ever catch a break;

* Secret Service agents have no problem shooting into crowds in hopes of hitting suspects;

* Hey, it's Bruce! Bruce! I love you Bruce! BRUUUUCE!

* Spanish cops are impervious to being hit by cars multiple times;

* Lead actors are impervious to being hit by explosions;

* You can shoot a president of your choice with an iPhone;

* A single Spanish ninja dude can take out a hallway full of Secret Service agents;

* Forest Whitaker can not only keep up with the Secret Service on foot but also outrun a speeding ambulance;

* A terrorist will have no problem blowing up a plaza full of people, but running over a single little girl is simply beyond the pale;

* Little girls are STUPID;

* Crazy Evil Matthew Fox is hot.

You know how movies stick with you for days afterwards? This didn't stick with me because it was good, exactly--it stuck with me because I kept remembering different parts and going, "Yeah, what the hell was that?" The whole idea is that the president is shot, the Plaza Mayor blows up hard! blows up big! blows up good!, people run around and shoot at each other and rewind video and die, and we go back and watch the entire sequence about six different times from different characters' perspectives because by God we paid for that explosion and we're gonna get our money's worth. Which is an interesting premise; it just wasn't executed as well as it could have been. There were a couple of really interesting, well-done moments--Sigourney Weaver and Forest Whitaker have really powerful reactions to the initial shooting because they are great actors, and they also have what may be the most interesting perspectives--the news producer and the camera-toting bystander. Certainly, they're interesting in the sense that those are the versions where you feel like you're watching something real happen; the Secret Service and terrorist versions tend to lapse into action-movie silliness. And speaking of silliness, a telenovela suddenly breaks out in the first quarter of the movie. Like, the actual style of the movie changes for a moment--there's lots of smoldering and face-grabbing and nostril-flaring and sexy castanets. Intentional? Maybe. Hilarious? YES.

(I tend to think it was unintentional, because if the filmmakers had had that kind of sense of humor, the line "GET OUTTA MY AMBULANCE!!" would have put in as the climax of the movie.)

Speaking of hilarity, there is a car chase--which is intense in a very competent action-movie way--and Dennis Quaid is pursuing Matthew Fox, and let me tell you, hell hath no fury like a Secret Service agent scorned, because it's about twenty minutes solid of dodging and smashing and tire-squealing through the streets of Salamanca (or "Salamanca"), and then Matthew Fox does something that pisses Dennis Quaid off FOR REAL, I forget what exactly, and the sequence of camera shots goes a little something like:

TRAFFIC TRAFFIC TRAFFIC - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - INTERSECTION OMG


BANG BANG - - - - - - - - - - - TRAFFIC HOLY SHIT - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - MATTHEW FOX OH NOES


SMASH SMASH WTF - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


--> --> --> --> --> --> DENNIS QUAID FACE OF RAAAAGE!!!!

The entire audience basically fell over laughing. It is perhaps the most awesome thing I have seen since the last time I actually saw a decent movie sweet God that was so long ago, and if I can find screencaps, I will share them with the world.

As a side note, Dennis Quaid and William Hurt had this sudden, out-of-the-blue chemistry in the last scene of the movie. They're not together much before that, and even when they are, Quaid is being all stoic and chiseled and Secret and shit. But at the end--I know this joke is beyond tired now, but when Quaid reaches into the ambulance to help Hurt out, a glow of tender joy in his eyes, I wish I could quit you, Mr. President is writ large over the whole thing. ("Are you injured, sir?" "Only in my heart, Agent Barnes.") If I'm allowed to make only one Brokeback Mountain joke this year, I deem Vantage Point worthy of it. That's how crazy it was.

Comments

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

You really must see Doomsday for the good of humanity. It is cheese of the most exquisite order. It rocked my face clean off. Srsly, y'all, I left facelessly happy.

[crucioveritas.livejournal.com]

I adored Doomsday.. Punks meet medival.. meets... Mila Jovovich wanna be!

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

I want a sequel where she leads the punks in an all-out war on the Ren Faire dudes.

I also want the headless chick's head put back on for real and have her brought back to life because she is just too awesome to die of anything.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

But at the end--I know this joke is beyond tired now, but when Quaid reaches into the ambulance to help Hurt out, a glow of tender joy in his eyes, I wish I could quit you, Mr. President is writ large over the whole thing.

HEEEEEEEEEEE.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You think I am kidding and I am so not even. I mean, there's this whole back story about how this is Barnes' first time back on presidential detail after taking a bullet for the guy, but this is all presented as a very professional-dedication kind of thing, and then all of a sudden we get to the end and they're in frickin' love. It's fantastic.

[maliekai.livejournal.com]

So wait, are we SUPPOSED to think they're in love? Like, not in a man-love My Brother, My King sort of way, but in a Brokeback Mountain sort of way? Or is just so over the top that it comes across that way unintentionally?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

No, no, it's definitely an unintentional thing. An unintentional, completely hilarious thing.

[mehinda.livejournal.com]

I think Vantage Point tried to do a lot, particularly in challenging the idea of the camera as narrator (when the story clearly predicates that there cannot be one narrator because too many people hold too many keys to the story). I think they tried to wrap that package in an action movie (or perhaps, though only perhaps, a more intelligent premise was sullied by its "splodey") but in the end, the movie really failed to achieve most of its goals--except for Dennis Quaid Face of Rage (which was friggin' AWESOME).

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know what I'm talking about! SERIOUSLY. I gave up on the movie when everything fell together because one random little girl happened to run in front of the ambulance that JUST HAPPENED to be carrying the president. If you're going to have all your main characters converge randomly on one spot, you have to EARN that, and a movie with this kind of premise would have to work even harder to justify it.

The one time I thought the video footage device was really effective, besides us getting to watch what would have been an historical event in real time in a news room (I'm fascinated by that idea; I'm always watching CNN or whichever channel wondering if I'm about to see something horrible happen), was when Barnes realized Taylor had gone rogue because he could see that Taylor was in disguise, even though Taylor sounded on the phone like he was doing his job.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Did you see Sliding Doors? The premise kind of reminds me of the one in that movie.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I kept meaning to and never did--my love-hate Gwyneth issues got in the way.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Hm. It's not a great great movie, but it's an interesting movie. I liked Gwyneth in it, and I thought she did a good job. The plot at the end got a bit silly, though.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, that's the thing--I loathe Gwyneth so much offscreen that I forget that I almost always like her onscreen. It's kind of distressing, actually.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

She did a nice job in The Talented Mr. Ripley too.

[therecklesslady.livejournal.com]

No, no no.."Sliding Doors" is a good movie- in that it does what it does very very well. You can probably find it in a bargain bin for a dollar. I have serious love for that film

[disturbed-kiwi.livejournal.com]

Its a cool movie because of that guy, you know, he plays the love interest and he's brilliant and never gets enough standing and he played that freaking awesome part in Carnivale (which is a dman fine TV series) and watch it because you have to see him.

[keever.livejournal.com]

John Hannah! True story: I spied him on a Tube platform and at once wondered if somewhere there was an alternate version of me that arrived too late to spot him there. Because I love that movie, Gwynnie and all.

[dramedy.livejournal.com]

I LOVE THAT MOVIE. WTIH THE MONTY PYTHON QUOTES AND JOHN HANNAH AND Arkldsjf;

I severely dislike Gwyneth, and yet I loved it.

/random interjection

[syldath.livejournal.com]

the rewind thing kinda reminded me of the short-lived Tru Calling and how she would go through a day until some corpse asked her for help, and then she'd rewind her day and wake up again that morning...also, it kinda made me motion sick

[prettyh.livejournal.com]

You just made me laugh so hard I pulled a couple of those rib muscles we humans have, just so you know. I couldn't have done a better review myself. And I ♥ Dennis Quaid's ANGRY FACE OF DOOM!

[kosher-jenny.livejournal.com]

See, between sexy!evil!Matthew Fox and your description of the rage face, I kinda want to see this movie now, if only for those bits.

But yes, if you ever find screencaps, post them! I wanna see the rage face and the sexy evil.

[cythraul.livejournal.com]

I spent the entire movie thinking "I now know what '24: The Movie' will be like." Because seriously. You could've replaced Dennis Quaid with Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer, and William hurt with Dennis Haysbert/President Palmer, and not changed a damn line, and it would've fit.

Which says good things for neither 24 nor Vantage Point.

[glyphs.livejournal.com]

It's pretty rare for me to dislike a movie. Even the "hmm...yeah, that was just kinda lame" movies like...Constantine or Transformers or Hitman I still usually enjoy even if it's just for the lameness. Vantage Point was like that for me. Even though by the end I was thinking, "And the little just happens to be in that exact spot about to get hit by the ambulance that just happens to have the president in it?! Yeah, whatever." I still enjoyed it. Of course, every time it would get to the climax of each person's POV and then just stop and rewind I kept thinking that this can't be good for my blood pressure. You are right though, Dennis Quaid face of RAGE!! made the whole movie worthwhile. And I don't care what anyone says - Dennis Quaid is still hot. I have such a crush on him.

[bigeyedrabbit.livejournal.com]

See, this is why you are my go-to blogger for film mocking -- you are hilarious without being malicious.

[deathwatchlove.livejournal.com]

I agree with every point made in this post. I saw Vantage Point with several of my teammates from crew while we were in Florida for spring training. We were basically rolling with laughter the entire time, pausing our laughter to ask each other if our laughter was inappropriate. I was sad that I was the only one in our group that recognized Bruce, and I got a lot of strange looks for yelling "HI Bruce!" I loved this movie, but for all the wrong reasons, unless the producers actually wanted it to basically parody itself.

[toothpasted.livejournal.com]

Is this it? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XmrTMawy_c)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Aww, it ends too soon! You can see him making a funny face, but the actual FACE OF RAGE is like this zooming closeup. Excellent job hunting that down, though.

[toothpasted.livejournal.com]

Darn it! I'm gonna have to rent it now, just to see...

[library-of-sex.livejournal.com]

Evil!Foxy? Hmmm, sounds alien to me, but could be promising after all the Dr. Jack heroics!

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

Crazy Evil Matthew Fox is hot.

This is probably the only reason I'd actually watch this movie. :)

But as ever, hurrah for the fun recap.

Also, have you seen that George R.R. Martin just donated a bunch of stuff for auction to help raise money for Alzheimer's? It's some awesome stuff, up on eBay. He discusses it at grrm.

(Edited for stupid html typo)

[hobbit-eyes.livejournal.com]

I can't believe that after lurking on your journal for so long, THIS is the entry that gets me to come out of hiding -

Would you recommend going to see Vantage Point, then? Because my friends and I are going to the cinema tomorrow and don't know whether to go see that or 'Bank Job'. Unintentional LOLarity is always fun.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hmm--I haven't seen the other one so I can't compare. (Are you going to a matinee, which would at least be a little cheaper?) I don't regret having seen it, but it wasn't as good as the trailer made it look. Of course, if you know going in to expect some hilarity, it might be more fun that way.

[eventide82.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that car chase was SO LONG.

I feel like they could have done Vantage Point in a completely different way. Instead of rewinding time about eleventy billion times, they could have had all the story lines running at the same time, and filled in a little more backstory about the villains. I felt like by the time they played out each story, they hardly had time to do anything else and just threw in a car chase because they couldn't be bothered doing anything else.

[lyn-thorne.livejournal.com]

Oh...no. Lol, I was hoping this movie would actually be a decent drama, but it does sound like a fantastic comedy! I love your write-ups of movies, I truly do.

Have you ever seen Boomtown? Now *that* is a great multi-point-of-view show.

[viorica8957.livejournal.com]

A terrorist will have no problem blowing up a plaza full of people, but running over a single little girl is simply beyond the pale

This actually rang somewhat true for me- it's easier to blow up a crowd of nameless, faceless people than it is to run down a little girl you can actually see.

Also, was Hot Spanish Bearded Guy (I couldn't remember half the character names, so I just ended up giving up and dubbing them Hot Spanish Terrorist Girlfriend, Likeable Camera Guy, etc) part of the terrorist plot? Or was he just involved because of his girlfriend?

[suerterana.livejournal.com]

There is no way in the city's government was going to shut the Plaza Mayor for THREE MONTHS!!! I lived in Salamanca for nine months six years ago and the Plaza is the lifeblood of the city. A city which is awesome by the way and should be visited. But still your summary is more interesting the movie would be for me.