Because I feel like I should post something today

[cleolinda]

Ended up not going for the decadence last night, mostly because the rum made me feel a little oogy. Instead, I made the Fr[rr]ozen Hot Chocolate after dinner tonight, and it turns out that it's basically a cocoa slush. You don't really even need the Serendipity mix to make such a thing, I don't feel--it's just 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup mix, and 1&1/2 cups ice in a blender. Since the instructions compare the result to pudding, I daresay you could substitute instant chocolate pudding mix (hmm. Might end up tasting like a Pudding Pop). Next time, I might even put less ice in it. Also, there's the milk to consider, or even just substituting ice cream, because once you get off the idea that it's "hot chocolate" in any way, it's far easier to start experimenting.

Meanwhile, I got this idea into my head that--well, you know how they say what you do on the first day of the year effects for the rest of it? It finally occurred to me that I could do a lot of small, representative things. I don't have to spend the whole day (like yesterday) organizing; I could just move a couple of things around, wash my hair, put on a little lip gloss, wear a new pendant Sister Girl gave me, read a little, and write a few ideas down, and I'd have several of my vague resolutions covered (keep things tidier, look nicer, wear more of my jewelry, read more frequently, and continue the level of productivity I had going this summer and fall). Which is really the way you ought to do it every day, I guess--little things representative of where you want to end up. I say "vague resolutions" because the actual resolution I think I'm going to try is based on the idea that I'm almost painfully self-aware (as longtime readers have probably noticed), and so I basically know why my life isn't what I want it to be. It's because of me, only me, and because there are tons of things I don't do because I'm either afraid, lazy, or self-indulgent (depending on the actual thing). And every day, pretty much every moment, I make a choice--usually to not do something, or at the very least, to keep doing nothing. So my resolution is to take each moment that comes by and do something (exercise, write, eat better, answer email, floss) instead of nothing, instead of putting it off, instead of telling myself that I can't. And every moment I fail to do that, that's okay, because there's always the next moment just coming up where I can try again. It's probably going to be hard at first, because habits are always hard to break, and that's not even taking into consideration the baggage behind the habit of inaction--and it's not the "set concrete goals" thing they tell you will be more effective. I don't know, though--what I've learned about myself is that an actual decision, a deadline, works against me psychologically. At the end of the day, I think I hate being told what to do, even by myself. I can't say, "You're going to do this and that and the other by the end of 2008." I have to choose every moment to do it, and maybe the next moment not to, and maybe the moment after that to choose to get back to doing it again, and I have to know that the world isn't going to end if I can't do it. It's not really a sense of rebellion so much as it is fear. And since I've been in the grip of this inertia since I graduated college--since before I graduated, really--probably the only way to shake it is to figure out what I want to do (which is, in a sense, that list of concrete goals) and then apply myself on a minute-by-minute basis to achieving that. It sounds kind of tiring, but on another level, it's kind of freeing--whatever mistake you make or chance you miss or diet you cheat on, the next moment absolves you; the next moment is a new start, and the moment after that, and the moment after that. And since I deal with a weird sort of constant, irrational guilt and anxiety, that may be what it takes for me to get moving. So I'm going to start trying that, on the understanding that it's going to be hard to go from 0 to 60 all of a sudden, so being completely crapful at whatever I undertake (I'm thinking of exercise in particular here) is okay--it's the act of choosing to get started, creating the habit of trying, that's important in that kind of case.

So we'll see how it goes. Failing that? The lash.

Comments

[trasnochadora.livejournal.com]

And every day, pretty much every moment, I make a choice--usually to not do something, or at the very least, to keep doing nothing. So my resolution is to take each moment that comes by and do something (exercise, write, eat better, answer email, floss) instead of nothing, instead of putting it off, instead of telling myself that I can't. And every moment I fail to do that, that's okay, because there's always the next moment just coming up where I can try again. It's probably going to be hard at first, because habits are always hard to break, and that's not even taking into consideration the baggage behind the habit of inaction--and it's not the "set concrete goals" thing they tell you will be more effective. I don't know, though--what I've learned about myself is that an actual decision, a deadline, works against me psychologically. At the end of the day, I think I hate being told what to do, even by myself. I can't say, "You're going to do this and that and the other by the end of 2008." I have to choose every moment to do it, and maybe the next moment not to, and maybe the moment after that to choose to get back to doing it again, and I have to know that the world isn't going to end if I can't do it. It's not really a sense of rebellion so much as it is fear.

Man, that is what I have been trying to articulate the past year. I hope that it works out for you -- and me.

[vkitty.livejournal.com]

I hope that whole "What you do on New Years Day represents the rest of the year" thing isn't true because if it is, I'm up for a whole lot of procrastination, lying around in bed and waiting until tomorrow to wash my hair. :\

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

One of my favorite bloggers, crazyauntpurl, says it like this (http://www.crazyauntpurl.com/archives/2007/04/it_happens.php):

But since I am no longer on a diet, no longer "about to start a new program... tomorrow" and no longer waiting for an unspecified time in the future before I start to treat myself with dignity, every day I just have to make the best decision I can. I suspect I will see the inside of a Jack-in-the-Box drive through again, I suspect I will drink 600 calories in cabernet in one sitting, more than once. But sometimes I will also choose to go for a walk, or a long drive, or make the cats dance with me in the living room (they hate it soooo much).... There is no wagon to fall off.

And that's sort of become my mantra for this type of thing: whatever I'm doing in every moment is not good, it's not bad - it's just a choice. And I have the power to make another choice right now, or tomorrow, or two weeks from now. And my personal plan for 2008 is to be more conscious of those moments and those choices.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

no longer waiting for an unspecified time in the future before I start to treat myself with dignity

That's a really good way of putting it.

[gravities.livejournal.com]

Yup. The other part is that you have control over your reactions to things, too, not just your actions. That takes more practice, as I've learned, but it's very useful. Especially in combination with the practice of not taking anything personally.

[lady-moriel.livejournal.com]

That's actually...quite inspiring, really. I struggle a lot with Getting Things Done and not procrastinating, and I never make New Year's resolutions because I don't want to break them and know I will. So the idea of doing something each moment, with every coming moment a new chance, an absolution--that's very good.

[zafra.livejournal.com]

I personally struggle with this as well - in addition I need medication, but aside of that I love www.flylady.net She's got a southern way of putting everything, but she's all about FLYing which stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Instead of martyring ourselves on the altar of 'oh, if I don't...' or the famous 'yes-train', where you say yes to everything because it will somehow make you a better person - love yourself enough to set limits, but treat yourself right! And 'nothing says "I love you" like a clean toilet during stomach flu season.' LOL

[lyn-thorne.livejournal.com]

I wish you all kinds of luck with your goals in this New Year. I can completely understand the putting things off because of fear or laziness, which is how I've spent most of this millenium. I'm thinking this year will be not so much 'the year where I get everything sorted', but the year that kinda leads to that one. At the moment I have a half-full cork board of index cards staring me in the face, and an idea that could damn well kill me...so we'll see how this goes. It's a boost to read about others deciding to actually be proactive, so I'm glad ya shared it here :)

How are things going on the Black Ribbon front? I'm really looking forward to reading it :)

(EEK! I have been kind of absent from LJ, and didn't get to tell ya Happy Birthday, so I'll do it now!)

[kelcea.livejournal.com]

And every day, pretty much every moment, I make a choice--usually to not do something, or at the very least, to keep doing nothing. So my resolution is to take each moment that comes by and do something (exercise, write, eat better, answer email, floss) instead of nothing, instead of putting it off, instead of telling myself that I can't.

Congratulations, you've just articulated Baker's Rule, the principle of "Do Something." I hope it takes you far.

And I too hope that the first day of 2008 does not dictate what the rest of the year will be like, because I spent it alone and sick on the couch. Hurrah!

[nicoleja.livejournal.com]

That's inspirational. Thank you. And good luck.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

and so I basically know why my life isn't what I want it to be. It's because of me, only me, and because there are tons of things I don't do because I'm either afraid, lazy, or self-indulgent (depending on the actual thing). And every day, pretty much every moment, I make a choice--usually to not do something, or at the very least, to keep doing nothing.

O...kay. So. Why did you fail to mention that we are brain twins, as my friend prettyh would say?

No, seriously. I am exactly the same way, and just last night I resolved to do exactly the same thing. I am really going to try to change all the little things I don't do into the little things I SHOULD do to get my life on track. It's very encouraging to know that there are other people out there trying to do that too. We should set up a cheering section for each other or something ("What did you do today?" "Wrote 3 pages for Black Ribbon" "YAY!" "So what did you do today?" "Went to bed earlier last night and got to work on time." "YAY!") Maybe it would help. :)

And on that note, I'm going to bed now.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hee! I wonder if we could do it on SF. Maybe think of a name for it or something ("The Cheering Section"?). Or is that already the Happy Thread? Hmm. Of course, now you see why I kept reporting "Wrote [####] many words today" at the front of my entries.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

It's kind of like Bridget Jones, except you are listing good things instead of "alcohol units." Heh.

It would be cool if it could work on SF somehow. Like, "The Cheer Squad - Resolutions in Progress!" You know what might work really well? Kind of like an exchange of mix tapes, we could pair people up for a couple of weeks at a time or something, and they could PM each other their resolutions and progress and encouragement. Or something like that...?

I made a list of my resolutions over on my journal. Reading over it, so much of it is just basic, basic stuff - but when you add it up, it's a whole change of lifestyle. Which is good.

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

ETA: Now you've done it! (http://snarkphoenix.15.forumer.com/index.php?showtopic=1107) :)

[elbales]

You go, girl.

[highlystrung.livejournal.com]

Good for you. ^^ I really really hope that works out for you. It's interesting the angle you've taken though, because that entire paragraph about being almost painfully self-aware and not doing things because of fear/laziness/self-indulgence etc. almost perfectly fits me, but the solution you've taken makes me rear back in fear. I think perhaps because I'm a little stronger on the 'no-one, including me, may tell me what to do' front. In fact, if you tell me what to do, that's a hundred per cent guarantee it's not going to be done. So telling myself I've got to do something, anything, is like ensuring I'm going to do nothing. Ever. For an entire year. Actually, one thing I have realised is that I want to do less. (Not as a NY thing though. I don't do NY.) I've come to the conclusion that I'm one of those horrible people who has too much, um, energy? Attention? brain, er, width? can you have brain width? to be fulfilled by just doing one thing at a time, but too little to concentrate on two things properly. So I'll be talking on the phone to someone whilst trying to write a completely different person a letter, and it just doesn't work. I need to learn to devote my attention to one thing, and not let my mind wander.
But anyway. I've found my own ways of getting around my character flaws. Like, I'm terrible at keeping in contact with people. Truly terrible. Don't finish letters, mind wanders during emails. So what I'm doing is I've got a journal for a friend overseas, and every day I have to write one thing in it. Doesn't have to be big or relevant or meaningful. I just have to write one thing. And that's easy enough, structured enough but open ended enough to manage. So there's hope yet. ^^

[roseredhoofbeat.livejournal.com]

"It is never to late to be who you might have been."

Forget who said that. I read it on a bookmark somewhere. Seemed apt. =)

[edda.livejournal.com]

At the end of the day, I think I hate being told what to do, even by myself.

We were cloned from the same stem cells, clearly.

[patchie04.livejournal.com]

There's a place near me that sells iced hot chocolate. So...chocolate milk. For like $4.00. People caught on pretty quick. But the ice cream idea sounds fantastic.

[juniper-75.livejournal.com]

I burst out laughing when I read this (I don't know, maybe it's just been one of those days). May I quote you?

[patchie04.livejournal.com]

Haha, quote away!

[juniper-75.livejournal.com]

That sounds like an excellent way to approach a new year! I don't know if this will help but when I'm trying to create new positive habits, I put up questions for myself on post-its. For instance, for my personal battle with the fridge, the post-it says "are you hungry, or just bored?" It's not a command or even a reminder not to eat junk, it's just a question so that I can be more conscious about the choice I make. (I also try to make the post-its less obvious with my art supplies so that they look more like little works of art...however badly done.) Good luck with it all!

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

What a neat idea!

[aelfsciene.livejournal.com]

This is a marvelous idea, and while I haven't been able to bring myself to set concrete resolutions or even goals (hi, fear of failure), I think I could tackle things with an approach like this. Thanks for making the post, and happy (late; I'm still skip=300 on my friendslist) New Year!

[worldforawhile.livejournal.com]

This is going to sound weird, but I've already outed myself as a stalker,so what the hey? The deeper into the last paragraph I read, the more you started to sound like Rose Hannah. Now, I don't know her, and I don't know exactly what she would say, but I do feel like that's sort of how she'd express herself. Which is to say, I can see your work, er, working!