Rainy Friday evening

[cleolinda]

You know, I was getting all pissed off because my plans for tomorrow night were starting to not work out, and then I saw this:

Screaming Paris Hilton sent back to jail.

"It's not right!" shouted Hilton, who violated her probation in a reckless driving case. "Mom!" she cried out to her mother.

[...]

She pleaded no contest to reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months' probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines. In the months that followed she was stopped twice while driving on a suspended license. The second stop landed her in Sauer's courtroom.

Back before Sauer on Friday, Hilton's entire body trembled as the final pitch was made for her further incarceration. She clutched a ball of tissue and tears ran down her face.

Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: "The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith."

Hilton screamed.

Eight deputies immediately ordered all spectators out of the courtroom. Hilton's mother, Kathy, threw her arms around her husband, Rick, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, holding each of her arms as she looked back.

I've seen a lot of people asking what the big deal about all of this is, and why so many of us have it so completely in for Paris. To me, it involves three separate issues:

1. Paris Hilton is a completely pointless human being. I first remember seeing her in a Vanity Fair article about her and his sister, which was basically about what charmingly useless socialites they were. Then she gains mainstream notoriety because an ex-lover releases a sex tape they made. She parlays that into a reality show about how "charmingly" useless she and her friend Nicole Richie are. She put out a CD, but it tanked, and if you've heard "Stars Are Blind," you'll understand why. (Side note: UB40 did hear it, and decided it was worth a copyright suit.) She then, at the age of 23, put out an autobiography about her scintillating life. And yes, there are plenty of people who have lived book-worthy lives by the age of 23, but I'm pretty sure "Everything I do is made of mediocre fail" does not qualify her for this category. She then put out her own perfume and "lent her name to a chain of nightclubs known as Club Paris in 2005.... Hilton was fired in January 2007 by the owner of Club Paris, Fred Khalilian, after she had failed to attend several scheduled promotional appearances." In 2004 she participated in the "Citizen Change" youth voting campaign, only for the press to discover that "she had neither voted nor registered to do so." And then, during the whole "Paris Exposed" storage locker incident, they found a tape of her using "ethnic slurs." I have yet to see a single thing she's done that points to her having any talent or worth beyond an amazing capacity to promote herself. She is, literally, famous for being famous.

2. Let's pretend for a moment that Paris Hilton is a genteel, well-mannered, multi-talented person--that in some weird alternate universe, we're actually talking about, let's say, Kate Winslet. Then she drives drunk and gets her license suspended. Then she's caught driving on that suspended license. THEN she's caught driving 70 in a 35 MPH zone with her headlights off. Yes, at night. Yes, on that same suspended license. AND THEN she had also failed to enroll in a court-ordered alcohol education program. I don't care if Mother Teresa's caught doing it, it's still reckless, incorrigible, unrepentant behavior, and easily could have ended with someone getting killed.

3. Let's pretend for a moment, so as to isolate this issue as well from the others, that Paris Hilton is genteel and talented and wonderful and is getting thrown in the pokey for a single, unfortunate action that she regrets but nonetheless requires jail time. In fact, she really did say, as of a month ago, "I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation." Of course, she also said, "I feel that I was treated unfairly. I don't deserve this" and blamed her publicist for telling her she was allowed to drive. Considering that she could have easily killed someone and then got her stay in county lockup immediately cut in half for "good behavior"--and I don't know what good behavior that was, considering that she couldn't even show up to court on time--I kind of don't want to hear it. Her defense was that she "signs whatever her employees put in front of her," her publicist "told her she could drive to work," that anyone but Paris Hilton was responsible for this, and when she was initially sentenced, her mother started screaming at both the judge and the Hiltons' own lawyer. And then they fired the publicist whose legal advice they had apparently been taking, as it was all clearly his fault. It's not fair, you see, that someone who drove drunk, on a suspended license, and was caught speeding should have to serve any time like normal people would, obviously. So then she actually gets to lockup, her mere 23 days in a cell by herself in an area separate from the general population, and by Thursday she has completely broken down and can't take it. So the sheriff lets her go home to serve the rest of her time under house arrest. And while the sheriff was out of line making that decision, I think, I can understand him wanting to get her the hell out of his facility, given the uproar it was apparently causing among staff and inmates. So then the DA raises holy hell and demands that they go to court this morning. Paris then asks to participate by phone from her house. The judge says FUCK TO THE NO and has her dragged in. So, having once said that she does "not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation," Paris is sent back to serve the sentence that her actions demand, screaming and wailing the whole way. Also, she cries for her mother.

Here's the thing about these three issues: it's not any one thing. I can deal with you being useless. Ubiquitously untalented, even. I can deal with you being a spoiled, spineless dink. I can even deal with you being a danger to society. I cannot deal with you being all three at the same time. The combination of talentless, self-entitled and dangerous is just too much for me, so you're going to have to forgive me if I enjoy this a little too much.

Comments

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

Very well put, thank you. It's not just raw schaudenfreude -- thought it might come into play just a tad. There's elements of justice and responsibility in there to. It's a Greek tragedy, without the Greeks and the tragedy; it's just epic and loud and oddly entertaining.

[freyaw.livejournal.com]

Aaaaand here comes the strophe! And over there - the antistrophe!

[keever.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes. Excellent post.

Ah to be wise!

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

Excellent points!

Re: Ah to be wise!

[kvschwartz.livejournal.com]

Nice icon.

[sound-of-bells.livejournal.com]

Amen to that.

[mermaidrain.livejournal.com]

Preach it sister! VERY well put.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

The icing on the cake for this whole situation is her and her parents behaving in court as if she were wrongly convicted of murder and being dragged away to death row. Just ... if I didn't already loathe her worthless ass, that would do it. *seethes*

On a personal note, we had to make her CD at work for a while. One night I made forty thousand copies. Clearly I really WILL do anything for money.

[rosetapestry.livejournal.com]

One night I made forty thousand copies.

*shudders*

Deepest sympathies...

[raynala.livejournal.com]

The only thing I have ever liked about her existence is the fact that her autobiography is a light, entertaining read. Nothing intellectually stimulating, but good for a chuckle. Otherwise, you are dead-on, and I think her entire situation (aside from potentially killing people) is simply hilarious.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Are we sure she wrote it herself? (I haven't read it, but with Paris, one has to ask.)

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

Two thumbs, way way up.

[shoiryu.livejournal.com]

Word to the thousandth.

[rosetapestry.livejournal.com]

Word!

[queenofattolia.livejournal.com]

To me it boils down to this: if she had been middle class, poor, Hispanic or black, her ass would have been in jail so fast heads would have spun, no questions asked, and they probably would also have thrown away the key. This situation is even more annoying than that of Robert Downey Jr. or Tom Sizemore, two unrepentant drug addicts who repeatedly violated probation, parole, court orders, etc. and were constantly given second chances merely because of their celebrity (well, until the judges finally got fed up with them and threw them in jail).

Hilton and her family are disgusting. I hope they make Paris scrub out toilets with the rest of the homegirls in the big house.

And I hope someone kicks Lee Baca out of office. The Hiltons obviously paid him off -- there's no other explanation for him risking his own career to let her off the hook.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I hope they make Paris scrub out toilets with the rest of the homegirls in the big house.

And record it and put it on Youtube.

I just realized a few minutes ago that she's twenty-six. That's only three years younger than I am. And I know damn well how she got to that age completely lacking the ability to take responsibility for her stupid, stupid actions and yet I just can't wrap my brain around it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_ravengirl/]

That was excellently put. I agree with everything you said 100%.

[pinstripe-bindi.livejournal.com]

The judge interrupted several times to say that he had received a call last Wednesday from an undersheriff informing him that Hilton had a medical condition and that he would submit papers to the judge to consider. He said the papers never arrived.

Every few minutes, the judge would interrupt proceedings, state the time on the clock, and note that the papers still had not arrived.

I think I am in love with Judge Sauer.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Me, too. I mean, anyone who can go "O HAY NO PAPERS LOL" to Paris Hilton is pretty much win in my book.

[modmoviegirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

My friends think I'm a little bit of a psychotic bitch for violently hating her so much. But you forgot another point, the thing I hate her for the most. Whether or not we like it, there are some stupid young girls out there who see her as a role model, as a hero. And she acts like this? It may suck for her that she can't live a normal life, that she can't help being in the spotlight and being out there...but she asks for it, she thrives in it. She cries and turns her head to the window so the papparazzi can see her cry. She's demanding the attention without having earned it, and with that she needs to control herself and contribute to society instead of destroying it. Although we know the likeliness of that happening.

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

I have actually heard at least three of my (female) classmates say that she is their role model. Sadly, I'm not making this up. I wish I was.

[meghatron.livejournal.com]

I <3 you something fierce.

[ailaes.livejournal.com]

What irks me [among other things] is that one of her 'loving fans' that was protesting the whole thing said she was 'America's Princess Di' [I'd provide a link but the specific article isn't there anymore, gah].

I think I'm going to throw up over that comment.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

She often compares herself to Di and calls herself America's princess. Barf.

[delle.livejournal.com]

Paris Hilton is a wasted life. She's pathetic - and I MIGHT feel sorry for her worthless, aimless life if she wasn't such a narsassic (sp) bitch.

This? Is payback.

(And there's Nicole Ritchie, trying to ride these coattails running around crying SHE'S afraid of jail. is there nothing these two idiots will not stoop to?)

[stardustmajick.livejournal.com]

If it's true that Paris pees in taxi cabs (http://www.breakingnews.ie/2006/01/19/story240428.html) so she won't have to find a bathroom between clubs, that in itself makes her deserve everything she's getting in my eyes. ><; Whatever nanny raised that girl did a horrible job of it.

[kdorian.livejournal.com]

There was a post in LJ's Customers Suck that she'd been at a big event, and when the lines for the bathroom were too long she peed on the floor.

[almostnever.livejournal.com]

Hell yeah. And then there's the thing where everyone who hangs out with her seems to end up worse off for it. Nicole Ritchie, eating disorder. Lindsey Lohan, bouts of underage "exhaustion". Britney Spears... you get the idea.

[linz-lou.livejournal.com]

Her reaction to her sentence makes it seem like she's being sent to the gallows.

And, I agree with everything you said. *nods*

[angelene.livejournal.com]

You're like an Argumentative Prose SuperHero or something, aren't you? You said it so brilliantly, there really is little to nothing to add. ;)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

You know, just last night at dinner, someone said, "Everyone has a super power." Maybe this is mine?

[sandelwood]

Yes. But you forgot the part where she has accomplished absolutely fuckingnothing in her 23 years without first saying "Daddy, I want [–]". I have no sympathy for the Veruca Salts of the world.

[crimsonclad.livejournal.com]

But seriously. SHE WANTS AN EFFING OOMPA LOOMPA, OKAY???

[laerwen.livejournal.com]

Beautiful, and perfectly stated. That's it in a nutshell, and I am so glad that sense seems to have finally prevailed.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

I award you a Ph.D. in Hiltonomics.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Could you sanitize it first? I'm not sure where it's been.

[pygmymetal.livejournal.com]

For me, she'd have gotten a bit of respect if she'd taken responsibility for her actions. But she doesn't and her whole family enables it.

I say boycott Hilton Hotels and properties. And write them letters telling them why. Force that family to lose some cash and maybe they'll get their shit together. I doubt it but it'd be fun fucking with them. :p

PS Icon directed at Paris, not you, sweet Cleo.

[reynardine.livejournal.com]

I agree with boycotting Hilton hotels--and maybe do a bit of digging to find out what other businesses the Hilton family owns and boycotting them as well. Her parents behavior is nearly as bad as hers, especially her mother.