Thursday evening, just before a bath

[cleolinda]

So, I'm getting better. I'd venture to say that I'm almost entirely well, except for some lingering fatigue and a mild-but-persistent cough. Except now my stomach's upset from the antibiotics, woe.

Had another one of my "God, what am I doing with my life?" moods, although I think my real problem is that I don't have more of them. It's easy and comfortable to just focus on getting through the moment and not worrying what you'll think five years from now. Sadly, the only times I really feel galvanized to make some changes are when actually doing anything is out of the question--lying awake at night, for example. I don't know. I've not been very keen on the idea of having kids for years upon years, but it was fairly recently--the last year or so--when I realized that I absolutely do not want to bear and raise young children. I could be a stepmother, or an aunt, or some kind of mentor, I don't know. But as far as actually procreating, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to go through childbirth, I have a number of physical and psychological ailments I'd be passing on, I can't really deal with kids until they're old enough to communicate. I like children in the abstract, and I'm glad that other people have children; I view them as just very small people, and, people being people, some of them are going to be awesome and some of them are going to be asshats, c'est la vie. I just don't want to have them.

And the funny thing is, I realized that I don't have that urge to have children, that worry about "living on" through them. I have the reproductive urge--it just expresses itself through writing. And while I was thinking about that specific concept today, I suddenly felt the very first ticking of that biological clock you hear so much about, and it was saying, If books are going to be your children, you might want to get on with that, because you're twenty-eight and you haven't published any kind of novel yet. Sure, twenty-eight is young, but it's old enough to be worried that you don't know what the hell you're doing. I already have a toe in the door, but Black Ribbon is just sitting there, set aside in its figurative drawer the way they tell you to, and I've been freewriting ideas to expand the story, but... it's all smoke and no fire, you know? Every few months I come up with some Fantastic New Idea and start worldbuilding, and then I set it aside again. Which is great, if you're writing as a hobby. It's not so great when you've thought of yourself as A Writer since you were five years old and it's what you wanted to do with your life and now you're almost thirty, what the hell. I don't really have any great piece of wisdom or inspiration to conclude with here--just several different ideas converging into this one terrifying thought that I'm letting time pass me by for no apparent reason.

Jeremy Bentham funeral what? Omg. Theories I've heard include that "Jeremy Bentham" is an assumed identity--it's definitely one of those philosophers that the writers love so much.

Dominic Monaghan/Cuse & Lindelof interviews. Alas, poor Charlie. I didn't really want anyone to die, but it was done so beautifully (bawling commenced when he crossed himself, y/n?) that I'm okay with it.

A radio interview with Michael "Benry" Emerson (spoilers refer only to Wednesday's episode(s), I think). P.S. "Dr. Richard Alpert IS staying the same age!"

(A thought I had during the commercials: Oh God! Are they really going through with the Geico Cavemen show? I thought everyone had come to their senses!)


Best Buy accused of overcharging buyers. Well, that's just like rain on your wedding day, or something.

Bad Ideas: Who Will Be 'The Ultimate Author'? A show that may prove that there are some things you cannot, in fact, turn into reality TV.

Grounded. This looks a lot like my day on dog duty, actually.

Knightley wins anorexia libel case.

Orlando Bloom sails onto new seas.

'Pirates' breaks box office record.

The third film in the Pirates franchise officially opens Friday in an all-time high of 4,362 theaters domestically, 110 more than the previous record-holder, Spider-Man 3. [...] To get a jump on the official release date Friday, many theaters scheduled early screenings of At World's End at 8 p.m. Thursday. Once it opens, the movie will be running around the clock at some cinemas to meet audience demand, said Chuck Viane, head of distribution for Disney.

"We hear there are theaters that once they open tonight will be open for 24 straight hours," Viane said Thursday.

Weirdly, there was only one screen initially scheduled at our Rave with two showings total (7 pm and 10:50 pm) on Friday night, but then, they did already have Spidey and Shrek taking up space (the Rave finally added at least one more screen, which is the one I'm going to--nine something). On the other hand, as much as the idea of a 24/7 POTC3 marathon amuses me, at least these theaters know what they're doing, since POTC2 practically broke out the press and started minting money.

Also, I keep seeing headlines for lukewarm or outright negative reviews for the movie. At one point, someone said, "Everything that was wrong with the second movie is back in the third," at which point I kind of went, "Well, I should enjoy the hell out of this, then."

Source Says 'Indy 4' Villain Is ... Evil Russian Cate Blanchett! After which she will hunt down Moose and Squirrel. Warning: A number of spoilers in the article, although most of the details will probably be common knowledge by the time they start running trailers.

'Macbeth' Trailer and Poster. THIS IS NOT THE BEAN/SWINTON MACBETH I WAS PROMISED. Also, it kind of looks like it should be headlined "FROM THE MAKERS OF UNDERWORLD !"

Bill Nighy wants to be in Harry Potter 6?

Exclusive Rescue Dawn Photos. The reason you care: Christian Bale.

Butler Off Watchmen?

New stills: The Golden Compass, POTC3.

He-Man Movie Confirmed. People, we did this once already, and it ended in tears.

So. Do I go print out what I have on Black Ribbon and facepalm over it for a few hours? Do I dare disturb the universe?

Comments

[scornedsaint.livejournal.com]

Also, I keep seeing headlines for lukewarm or outright negative reviews for the movie.

The Washington Post loved it, but their entire review staff is starting to get on my nerves, so I'm not sure what their good review means about the film's actual quality.

[vampirepig13.livejournal.com]

Macbeth...Pfffft.


Scotland, PA is the only modern Macbeth spinoff I need.

[kestrel127.livejournal.com]

I don't know who you are, but now I feel that we are kindred spirits.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

bawling commenced when he crossed himself, y/n?

VERY YES. And I was already sniffling when he showed the written message on his hand to Desmond.

[sualocin.livejournal.com]

I think you could absolutely kick ass with your novel. Because we all know it is going to happen. I wish you the best of luck.

Also, yay for Knightley winning the libel case.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

Bingo with the kids thing. I got the short end of the genetic stick from both my parents - all their medical conditions squared plus a few bonus recessives just to make life interesting. No way am I gonna deal that hand to a kid. I never ruled out parenting - just the part about producing the sprog myself. I think mom's finally figured out I'm not going to change my mind.

And I'm a musician, actor, and costumer with years of work behind me and ahead of me. I've played a queen and I've dressed a cow. I've made several recordings, I've made a lot of people laugh and more than a few of them cry, and I've had people say that I influenced the choices they made in life. I'm okay with that being my legacy. I'm not done by any means, but if I kick the buckit tomorrow that's not a bad run all things considered.

[ter369.livejournal.com]

So. Do I go print out what I have on Black Ribbon and facepalm over it for a few hours?

I say ... yes. Because writing it (not the potential facepalming) will be the thing you're doing with your life now.

[morgan-c-hoax.livejournal.com]

I have the reproductive urge--it just expresses itself through writing. And while I was thinking about that specific concept today, I suddenly felt the very first ticking of that biological clock you hear so much about, and it was saying, If books are going to be your children, you might want to get on with that, because you're twenty-eight and you haven't published any kind of novel yet.

Things like this are why I read your journal (well, that and the funny and the links). They serve as excellent nudges when I find myself in the same situation.

[morgan-c-hoax.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I'm not sure how interested you'd be in this (except maybe for the "EH?" factor), but apparently there's a Les Miserables Fighting Game (http://www.lesmisgame.com/arm_joe.html) (got the link from that Making Light comment page).

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

Being a writer almost entails being a legacy, maybe being a legacy only in your own, very small way, but which can reach the legacy of the Dickens novels we still read in our high school English classes. Most women feel that maternal instincts are a requisite of female existence, but I think that ultimately the human goal is, in everything we do, to perpetuate that existence, to leave a lasting mark. So in the midst of all this convolution, I just wanted to say that I hope Black Ribbon works out, no matter what form it takes, and M15M is still the funniest thing I've ever read.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Awww, bless.

And yeah, I think writing (or painting, or filmmaking, etc.) is a perfectly acceptable way of leaving a mark. Obviously, children are great, and I'm glad people have them, and your child or grandchild or ad infinitum might turn out to make a lasting contribution to society one day, but... I feel perfectly content to try to leave my own mark, in an intellectual or cultural sense, rather than leaving it genetically.

[confusedmuchly.livejournal.com]

And to be frank, I am quite glad that there are gifted people such as you choosing to enhance the future generations, rather than enlarge them. We don't want stupid kids, y'all.

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

Why couldn't it have been Bean/Swinton? *sigh*

I think the universe would welcome that kind of a disturbance.

[ter369.livejournal.com]

Why couldn't it have been Bean/Swinton? *sigh*

It will be, whenever Come Like Shadows (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338258/) is released.

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

Forgot it was under a different name. Probably the only movie I'm looking forward to at this point.

[glass-radical.livejournal.com]

bawling commenced when he crossed himself, y/n?)

Absolutely. And Charlie's death really was beautiful. I'll move on. It's just sad, because Dom was my initial attraction to the show.

[megmatthews20.livejournal.com]

I didn't even catch him crossing himself because I couldn't see all that well from the tears already welling up in my eyes...

Even thinking about it now I'm getting a little misty...since 2004 he has been the driving force behind me watching that show...and I keep thinking about the last scene in Return of the King and gah...just gah!

cheers here's to my favorite character on Lost...love ya Charlie!

[reiko18.livejournal.com]

Oh, god. He-Man was a cornerstone of my childhood. Maybe, on the plus side, all my friends will know what I mean when I yell "I HAVE THE POWER!"

LJ is messing with me

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I had a nice long reply set up to this, and it won't let me post it, so I'm going to try to reply in chunks and see if it'll let it through. You're a good writer. If your fiction's like your non-fiction, it's good stuff! Maybe you should start a new project and let Black Ribbon sit. I'm going to take my own advice and let my own bottom drawer novel go. Don't give up, hon.

OK, LJ let that through

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

Second chunk of comments! That photo of Orlando Bloom is wonderful. (Once again Kiwi drools over a man who's young enough to be her son!) I'm glad he's going to be acting. Bill Nighy would be a great fit for the HP franchise! Jeremy Bentham? Mummified natural philosophers on silly TV shows? EEEEEEE!

Last, and most doubtful chunk o' comments

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

That production of Macbeth is not looking good at all. What kind of weapon is the Thane of Cawdor holding there? Why does Lady M. look like a vampire? Why am I starting to have flashbacks to the time I sat behind two young women at a showing of Mel Gibson's Hamlet and overheard this conversation?:

Blonde with Big Hair: Mel's so cute, isn't he?

Brunette with Raisinettes: Gorgeous!

Blonde with Big Hair: Do you want to leave now and meet So-and-So at the bar?

Brunette with Raisinettes: Nope. I want to see how this ends.

[leucocrystal]

Wow, we're definitely kindred spirits on the whole "I'm not going to have kids, and that's the end of it" thing.  I was starting to feel like the only one, too.  Thing is I'm only 20, but I don't think there's any other personal decision I've ever been more sure of in my life, and I do get quite sick of people (mainly my mother and other "adult" females) shaking their heads sadly at me and spouting some condescending variation of, "I felt the same way at your age," or "You never know!"  I do feel lucky that I don't have one of those mothers who cares/pressures the whole grandchildren thing, because it ain't gonna happen, but still.  I feel exactly the same way you do.

I wonder though what I'll consider my reproductive outlet to be at an older age, though.  I'm a writer, but only as a hobby; I don't intend to pursue it seriously like you do.  I'm also an artist, and I'd once considered it as a career option (until I discovered how easily the career world aspect of it stifles all the creativity right out of me), but now I'm leaning more toward more practically attainable careers, if that makes sense.  I've also always had a knack for science, and I'm about to end my third year as a forensics major.

Going into law enforcement though, who knows where my reproductive urge will be channeled.  Serving justice?  That's probably too general.  Maybe my art and writing, though hobbies, will have to suffice.  That said, I think we all feel that "time passing by" sensation now and again, and while it's never pleasant, and can often make us feel pretty panicky, it's probably best not to focus on it.  (Easier said than done, yeah, I know.)

Anyway, I still have the same very strong feeling I've always had in regard to your writing, and that is that, however long it may take, you will finish sometime in the future, and we'll get to see the fruits of your labors, and enjoy sharing in your triumph and success.  I don't think that's wishful thinking on my part, either -- I feel so much potential from you, and I would never consider what you're doing now as "squandering" it, or anything remotely close to that.

So!  Long-ass rambling comment short, I've definitely got faith in your abilities, and I'm sure we'll be seeing more from you whenever the time is right.  As always, I wish you the best. :)

[shesnotallthere.livejournal.com]

I'm not in the exact same boat you are, but I'm in the one to your immediate left.

I don't want kids. I never have. My genetics, AFAIK, are fine; I've just never felt the urge to have children. Or be around children for any length of time, really.

And I'm also finding myself wondering more and more these days exactly what the hell I'm doing with my life. My jobs (there are three) pay the bills, but the thought of doing any of them for the rest of my life is incredibly depressing.

Oddly enough, I have this vague feeling that travel would somehow make things better. I don't know why, but something down the back of my head insists that just going someplace different for a little while would help me sort out what I should do once I get back here.

[greenleafgurl17.livejournal.com]

I just saw POTC3 and...it's SO BAD that it's GOOD. It was just...there is no adjective to describe that nadir of badness that has been reached, and the level of awesome that results...

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Shhh! Shhhh!

[edda.livejournal.com]

Sadly, the only times I really feel galvanized to make some changes are when actually doing anything is out of the question--lying awake at night, for example.

I don't really have any great piece of wisdom or inspiration to conclude with here--just several different ideas converging into this one terrifying thought that I'm letting time pass me by for no apparent reason.

I think we have adjoining suites in purgatory. Come on over, I'll make cocoa. *love*

[songstressicons.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're on the mend. I thought of you the other day while I was sitting in Emerg. coughing my lungs out and draining fluid from my ruptured eardrum. I've had this since Friday and I'm ready to throw up my hands to the Cold Gods and concede to their whole damn pantheon. I can't imagine dealing with this for weeks on end.

Unfortunatley ruptured eardrum = no pirates for me this weekend. But my mum and dad are planning on going out on a date to see it, which is so cute. My dad generally doesn't go to the movies, but we dragged him along in our raid to see DMC last year and he said it was 'very interesting', which is his version of 'kick-ass'.

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

Bill Nighy wants to be in HP6? I think the word I'm looking for is OMGYESPLZ. He is pure unadulterated awesome. And as Fenrir? YES. So much YES.

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking Scrimgeour.

[arielchan.livejournal.com]

PIRATES WAS FUCKING FABULOUS. SEE IT YESTERDAY.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

YAYS I AM SEEING IT IN FIVE HOURS!!

[espoiir.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I saw Rescue Dawn back in December--they had the United States premier of it here in Denver. It was intense. It was amazing.

[mysticowl.livejournal.com]

I just got back from my Thursday night screening of POC3! And it was glorious!

[aria624.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say, I just went and saw POTC3. No spoilers - but it was excellent. Better than the second, IMO. So there's a true fan's review for ya. I would go on, but you were clear on the anti-spoilers thing so, I will say nothing more :)

[rhodynne.livejournal.com]

I have so far managed to remain completely ignorant of POTC:AWE and I shall remain so until the opening credits run!
...and it hasn't been easy. ;-)
I happen to be a fantastic Aunt Robyn, just ask my babies. And I recommend it highly. I admit that as much as I occasionally struggle over knowing I won't have my own, I love having the kids and I love it when they go home. :-)
You want to raise something, have something to love? Get a puppy! I wish more woman knew themselves as well as you do.
Charlie! No! We'll Miss You!!
*mmwha*

[dramedy.livejournal.com]

I just popped in to tell you the funniest thing. I was reading your last entry in class, and my friend leans over and goes "Oh, you read Cleolinda? have you read her book?" I confessed I hadn't and she offered to lend it to me. Turns out her girlfriend had bought it when she was in London, and given it as a gift. Her entire suite had read it! It was awesome.

Oh, and the book was also tres tres AWESOME. :D <3

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Awww! I'm glad y'all are enjoying it! Nothing a writer likes to hear more. : )

[drpeprfan.livejournal.com]

So right about the third Pirates bringing back everything that the second lacked! It was AMAZING. Amazing like the soundtrack, of course (which actually outstrips the movie because Hans is a god among composers). Remember the two British soldiers who argued about the Black Pearl really existing? They're back. That should tell you something. :-D

[londonsparrow.livejournal.com]

So I too am back from PotC3 (and up way too late typing up review/impressions), and also cannot wait for you to see it. I read as many reviews of it earlier today as I could, and most of them were really missing the point, I now think. But anyway, all I can say is IT IS THE STUPIDEST AND MOST AWESOME THING, YES, BOTH AT ONCE, I THINK I'VE EVER SEEN. Not so bad it's good, just... WTF + AWESOME. (must stop typing in all caps!)

[ter369.livejournal.com]

THIS IS NOT THE BEAN/SWINTON MACBETH I WAS PROMISED

But Come Like Shadows (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338258/) is.

[chrryblssmninja.livejournal.com]

Best of luck to you. You are awesome any way.

[bigeyedrabbit.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to go through childbirth, I have a number of physical and psychological ailments I'd be passing on

Amen, sister. I'm the same way.

[ironclad1609.livejournal.com]

During Pirates I thought: Hmm, Keira has really nice thighs and legs, thank god she isn't too skinny anymore. But this pic...
I can see why people who didn't like the second film might not be happy about the third either, but I was content and well entertained with both. It's a matter of attitude somehow.

Indy Jones news, yay! Not sure how I feel about Area 51 and aliens, though.

He-Man?? Seriously...wow.

[falco-conlon.livejournal.com]

when he crossed himself? I bawled. Bawled like my entire family had just died. It was almost embarrassing, but no. I just loved him so much.

[amaelamin.livejournal.com]

I was going to whinge about Hamlet's gun (?) and the skyscraper in the background (!) but then I actually read the article.

This updated version of Macbeth looks to be a shoot-em-up thriller set in the seedy underground world of Melbourne, Australia.

And I think that pretty much covers it, doesn't it?

[newsong.livejournal.com]

Eh. You already have a book out, which is better than me as far as legacy is concerned - but you have such an attractive writing style I have no doubt that things will go well for you in these areas.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I finished my Van Helsing romance novel covers (http://particle-person.livejournal.com/138373.html), BTW. They are full mock covers, not just screencaps.

[agatha-mandrake.livejournal.com]

Looking at that Macbeth poster, I don't know why they just didn't go for broke and actually make it vampires doing Shakespeare. Because that would just be chocolate-covered excellence.

[highlystrung.livejournal.com]

Totally, totally with you with the kids thing. Although I actually sorta take it further, in that a) I believe that when I die, I cease to exist, and really? So much not going to care about a legacy then (so I want writing accolades now, damnit, now! No 'recognised for her greatness 300 years later! NOW!) and b) I think people shouldn't be allowed to IVF. Which, I know, creates a big ole 'whoah!' and a 'step back quickly, then grab some branches and burn the witch!', but which I stand by nonetheless. Because I'm not actually judging peoples who do it now I'm just saying that in my ideal world they, you know, wouldn't. Which relates back to the whole kids thing because not having that whole legacy urge myself I can see the biological imperative in others, but think that in a rational world they should be able to master their biological urges. And what would be the incentive to do this? Well, I'm sorta going with the 'with all the starving children already out there why the hell would you want to go through an expensive and difficult procedure (that takes doctors away from more important procedures they could be specialising in) just to stroke your own ego? Y'know, maybe you should be wanting kids because you have a nurturing urge, in which case adopting some needy child fulfils this? Not because, say, you want little Timmy to make up for everything you failed at or so the bloodline goes on? 6 billion people, we gotta lot of bloodlines, really. No, really.' However, we don't live in a rational world, so meh. Peoples can do what peoples can do. ^^

And why am I offloading all this? Purely the icon, dear. Purely the icon. Sorry, if I'd said that straight away you'd have been able to skip that rant. ^^ In all seriousness, though, good luck with the writing. Obviously one child isn't enough, but I assure you that the little darling you raised and wrote already has at the very least brought much joy to my family and friends (and hopefully been sending cheques home to its mother, too!).