Monday night, still full from lunch

[cleolinda]

Have I ever told you why I hate April Fool's jokes? It involves 1) my father convincing me, aged eight, that he had traded me to another softball team and 2) a lot of tears. There's a lot of reasons we haven't spoken in nine years, and that, as far as I am concerned, is one of them. That said, I actually enjoy online April Fool's jokes, if only because they're usually pretty obvious as long as you're aware of the date. Therefore, I give you two listings of jokes perpetrated online this year. As usual, Google pretty much wins.

(Top 10 Worst April Fool's Day Hoaxes Ever.)

("This thread is unethical. I really have a problem outing werewolves without their permission.")

Meanwhile, the puppies have decided that the height of entertainment is to stand facing each other, exactly four inches apart, and bark for half an hour on end. And I want to read Pride and Prejudice but I can't find my copy. I could print it out from Project Gutenberg, I guess, but... no.



From chris_walsh: The poisoned dog food clusterfuck continues. Meanwhile, new brand recalled in pet food alert; dry pet food added to recall.

Lone woman on FBI's wanted list captured.

Holes found in the American Girl doll story I posted. Also, kittikattie totally called it.

Bono knighted; son thinks he's a Jedi. " 'You have permission to call me anything you want -- except sir, all right? Lord of lords, your demigodness, that'll do,' Bono, 46, told reporters after he was crowned a 'Knight Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire' in an informal, laugh-filled ceremony in the Dublin home of British Ambassador David Reddaway."

Doonesbury: Supporting the troops.

Student punished for spaghetti beliefs.

8th-graders nabbed over laxative doughnuts.

Runaway bride inspires police recruiting billboard.

Anatomically correct chocolate Jesus angers Catholics.

Girl kicked off plane for coughing returns home.

Proposal for '.xxx' domain for porn voted down.

Why Nobody Wants To Work At 'Salon.'

Best headline I will see this week: Summer's Coming! Worry About Your Ladyflower!

But this one comes in second: Famous clown gets tiny bike back.

Fake volcano bursts into real flames.

Alanis Morissette does "My Humps."

Teen star feels pressure to be thin. BREAKING NEWS: SKY BLUE.

Google Maps: Step 23 is a bitch.

MUSH!, or, HUSKY PUPPY.

Sexy Chicken has a new date, or, POMERANIAN PUPPY.

INVISIBLE DINNER :(

Neil Gaiman One Step Closer to Sainthood. " 'First, we have a report of a signing at DreamHaven Books, where by mistake his publisher had only shipped one 20 book carton of Anansi Boys, but into which the Venerable Gaiman had reached his hand again and again to pull out book after book, until all 500 patrons had received their copies, all of which were first printings and entirely free of shipping damage.' Bertoli noted that the second miracle involved a girl in Los Angeles who had been cured of her terminal cancer after a copy of Volume 9 of The Collected Sandman (The Kindly Ones) had been laid against her brow. Finally, Bertoli said he had documented proof that Gaiman had single-handedly fed all of Paraguay in 1987."

John Scalzi deals with the most depressing reader question ever. Meanwhile, ursulav deals with... well, the kind of guy who announces, "I'm anti-semitic, and I'm in a bad mood today."

trailer_spot: Savages, Two Days in Paris, Shortcut to Happiness, Transformers, Bourne Ultimatum, Spider-Man 3.

Former ‘Family Ties’ child star Bonsall arrested.

Captivity Controversy Explodes To New Level: MPAA Slaps Sanctions On, Ratings Process Suspended in "unprecedented" move.

Hilary Swank wants to remake Intimate Strangers (Confidences trop intimes).

Foster and Breslin Visit Nim's Island.

Matthew Rhys and Cillian Murphy Join Dylan Thomas Film (bolding mine): "The film will center on a love triangle between Thomas, his wife Caitlin (Lindsay Lohan) and his childhood friend Vera Phillips (Keira Knightley), who was married to a man named William Killick (who will be played by Murphy)." To the best of my knowledge, this is not an April Fool's joke.

First Pics of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts! I... wow.

Peter Jackson to do Powerpuff Girls movie? Let me go out on a limb here: did TheOneRing.net report this on April 1? Oh, Sci-Fi Wire, I'm disappointed in you.

I don't know if Pimps at Sea is a real movie, but I would totally go see it.

Entertainment Weekly Feature on OotP: "Yates Likely to Return" for HBP. Meanwhile, can you access the feature on EW? It may be subscriber only, I don't know. Also, I feel that Gary Oldman's head is totally pastede on yay in that photo.

Anne Rice's Christ the Lord to be a movie. Sing it with me if you know the words: This is going to end well.

Peckinpah's Straw Dogs Getting Remade by Rod Lurie.

British Newspaper Says Brett Ratner Directing Wolverine? *sob*

I had the same reaction to the Hairspray poster, by the way. John Travolta in drag is Not of the Lord, and I don't mean that in a Moral Majority way, either.

Lookout Director Says Harrison Ford "Chickened Out" Of Starring In Drug Drama.

Serenity Beats Star Wars in Best Sci-Fi Film Poll Landslide. Was it an online poll? Yeah, that's what I thought.

The Lovely Emily reviews The Namesake, of which there's a movie adaptation starring Kal Penn out right now. I think the preceding sentence is grammatically correct, but it makes my brain hurt all the same.

Comments

[basedonthebook.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who's a McNamara. I really don't want to be the one to break the news to her that her illustrious ancestor is being played by Lindsay Lohan.

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

I enjoy how, in the picture accompanying the Hilary Duff weight article, they picked the photograph that made her look HUGE. Oh, life.

[stringertheory.livejournal.com]

Last I heard, EW.com had converted from subscriber only to all-access for the public, so you should be able to get the article (which wasn't about anything new, really, but did involve a fun quiz).

Oh, and the cute overload site is now my new favorite place in the world and I will never be able to get homework done now, kthx. ;)

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

You could read the hypertexted version of Pride and Prejudice - it's like reading one with lots of footnotes!

Okay, I should not be so excited about footnotes.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Where, where?!

[kvschwartz.livejournal.com]

I feel so stupid for asking ... but didn't you have a _V For Vendetta in Fifteen Minutes_ at some point? I finally saw the movie on cable last night, and I wanted to reread your spooft now that it would make sense ... but I can't seem to find it. I looked under "V" but all I found was _Van Helsing_ (or however that is spelled).

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Look under the "parodies" tag on the comm--it ought to be right under The Prestige.

[ter369.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, the puppies have decided that the height of entertainment is to stand facing each other, exactly four inches apart, and bark for half an hour on end.

Last week, a Flist member described her four-year-old and a two-old standing facing each other to shriek and yell non-words at each other over the course of their playdate.

As another friend said of her adult German shepherd: it's like living with a two-year-old, forever.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

People can't seem to understand why petsitting five (!) animals makes me so tired, but the way I try to explain it is, it's like babysitting two toddlers, an eight-year-old (the younger pom), a moody teenager (the cat), and a crotchety old lady (the older pom).

[mercat.livejournal.com]

So, I remember you saying something a little while back about being able to take care of your own linkspams ;) but, I found this awesome site I think you might be interested in. It reminds me a lot of the wunderkammen (sp?) links you posted a while back, in that the site is full of quirky photos, art, science, history, younameit.

Just let me know if you think you'd be interested--I'm just going to warn you that it's addictive. (I have one firefox window dedicated to it, and at the current moment I have roughly 160 tabs open from this site alone. Craziness.)

I know you're busy with the puppies and family and everything, so I can wait if you want. ;) Your blog topics are wonderful and I know you like those quirky things (I remember you talking about some story about a murderous wife because you can't make it up), so I at least thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, thanks for being awesome!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I'll be at my computer again until tomorrow evening, but give me the link anyway. : )

[erinya.livejournal.com]

So Catholics are angry because the artist depicted Jesus with a penis? Is he our Good Eunich Lord now, or what? Or was it because he was made out of chocolate? Because Jesus' body as food, not exactly heresy. Kind of the opposite. Although those little dry wafers are pretty unappetizing. Perhaps it's sacrilege to suggest that the Body of Christ might taste good? Or....

*train of heresy thought derails itself into the gutter*

[youngcurmudgeon.livejournal.com]

There's a joke to be made in here somewhere about the "coming of the Lord," but I'm not going to make it ... :-P

[misachan.livejournal.com]

As a Catholic, I feel the need to apologize for my humorless brethren. I think it's really clever, and I'm kind of sad the statue won't be consecrated and given out for Easter mass communion, myself. We believe that we're eating the body of Christ anyway, there's no reason it can't be delicious.:)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Personally, I love that it was going to be called "My Sweet Lord."

[elendiari22.livejournal.com]

With every picture released of Sirius, it becomes more and more apparent that they're playing up his pimp daddy side.

[meandstuff.livejournal.com]

Which isn't entirely a bad thing when it leads to an almost-revival of his 'Dracula' costumes!

[bookwoman84.livejournal.com]

Re: Dylan Thomas film

Oh, the hell the woman I was named after is going to be played by Firecrotch. The hell.

[lilgoala.livejournal.com]

Girl kicked off plane for coughing returns home.

What are they bitching about? The airline is comping her and her teacher for their expenses while they were stranded in NY, and they're both home safe and sound now. Having suffered more than my fair share of inconveniences while travelling and rarely having the airline(s) lend a helping hand, I'm finding it difficult to be sympathetic. Maybe the pilot overreacted, but so what? No lasting damage done.

[divabat.livejournal.com]

You can comp them all you want, but you can't exactly comp time. Their schedules may be massively disrupted just for this one incident.

Besides, being kicked out for a coughing fit? I've lasted long-haul flights sitting next to a heavily sneezing person and no one was kicked out. I've had coughing fits on planes due to allergies and I wasn't kicked out. why should they be kicked out in the first place?

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait. Neil Gaiman isn't a saint?

....

Do I have to take my shrine down?

[all-ephemera.livejournal.com]

Not even remotely.

[dreams-of-all.livejournal.com]

Um... Thought you might find this interesting. http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com/cgi-bin/texis.cgi/web/vortex/display?slug=allergic31m&date=20070331&query=Bainbridge

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

Wow. Usually, when I have a project overdue, I play sick myself.

[drpeprfan.livejournal.com]

Wait wait wait...Brett Ratner? As in, the same Brett Ratner that killed X3? Poor, poor Hugh Jackman. What the heck is Bryan Singer so busy with to not be able to right this wrong? *sadface*

[edda.livejournal.com]

1.) I am internetless at home but still enjoying your linkspam elsewhere;

2.) Brent Ratner MUST BE STOPPED.

[evilbearhunter.livejournal.com]

I love your icon a very lot. That was probably my favorite part of America: The Book. (I'm not saying "fingerwag" to you, this is just my only CR/DS icon.)

[arielchan.livejournal.com]

YES! ANNE RICE JESUS MOVIE!

They'll probably dumb down the crazy for the film.

[riney.livejournal.com]

Travolta looks like a Muppet!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

JESUS CHRIST HE DOES.

[yarha.livejournal.com]

Anne Rice's Christ the Lord to be a movie. Sing it with me if you know the words: This is going to end well.

I think the answer to that question, Bob, would be 'no'.

Yarha, Oh, A.R., You So Crazy!

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

Okay, that’s the coolest thing Alanis has done since she played God. “Whatchoo gonna do with all that ass...?” And post-headbutt primping!

[callie-girl.livejournal.com]

Hey Cleo. I was wondering if the next time you do a linkspam, would you mind linking to this post (http://wildcatlizzie.livejournal.com/377082.html)? The entry is currently friends-locked but I've asked the owner to unlock it. In case she doesn't, here's the scoop (quoted from the entry):

Come wash cars with us this Thursday morning starting at 8:30am
at the Arby's on 20th St. & Bell Road.

It is so important that we get as many people as we can to go. Even if it just to get your car washed. My amazing friend of 9 years, Natalie Mendoza and her fiance Jake lost everything they owned the weekend before their wedding.. including their loved pit bull Malee and her 4 ferrets... in a house fire. It destroyed everything. Please come raise money with us to help Natalie and Jake start a new life.

This is for the Phoenix, AZ area. I know it's a very specific location but you have so many readers, I thought I'd take the chance and ask so that those in the metro Phoenix area can spread the word.

Thanks so much.

-Callie

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

As in, that Natalie Mendoza who was on Beastmaster?

[divabat.livejournal.com]

Is it just me, or is the concept of going through the AG girl's mother's archives just to find something to discredit her really wrong, rude, and in bad taste? "Oh, let's find something to show that she's a bad person! You can never trust a bad person, they NEVER say the truth!"?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I was a little weirded out by that, although some of the stuff they found was pretty out there.

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

My April Fools: On the Amelia Atwater-Rhodes messageboards, she and some of the mods told us that she's posted canon slashfics about some of the more fangirled characters. Said fangirls were in an uproar, and went running around fanfiction.net trying to find the slashfics, only to discover that they didn't exist.
The moderators at Uru'baen (Eragon hate site) coloured the forums pink and purple. One poster made a thread claiming that Paolini had ditched Random House, and was calling the new book "Elvish". That is all.
Christ the Lord was very nearly declared Worst Book of 2005. *sings along* Besides, doesn't anyone remember Passion of the Christ?

[apocalyptically.livejournal.com]

I love the idea of Cillian and Keira in a movie together, and then LiLo had to come along and ruin it all.

[disturbed-kiwi.livejournal.com]

I went to see Black Sheep last night. Pretty damn funny. I wrote a few words in my livejounral if you're interested.