Saturday afternoon, wet hair

[cleolinda]

I have just had an unusually nasty fight with my sister--unusually so, because normally we don't fight at all; I just keep my mouth shut while she rages on at someone else--because she caught my mother and I discussing her latest bipolar II rage fit behind her back (guilty as charged) and shouted that whatever I wanted to say, I should stop being immature and say it to her face. So I did say it to her face: moments in her rage fit that made me angry (which I will not go into here). And then she started shouting that I must "be new here" if I haven't figured out after 21 years that this is how she's "made," and that I'm so incredibly "immature" for just not accepting it ("You're seven years older than me, and you're still so much more immature!"), and then she offered to recite a "laundry list" of my various immaturities. I have no idea what was on her list, but I was tempted to say, Let me help you out here: I'm still looking for a job, I'm still living at home, I still haven't gotten my driver's license, I haven't gone back to grad school, I'm not the sister you want me to be, and I don't have the romantic relationships that you have. Is there anything else, or is that all? All I actually said was, "Obviously I beg to differ, but I don't know how to convince you of that." And then I asked her if I could please go wash my hair so I could go out and see my friends for the first time in two months, and she told me to hurry. I'm sure that she'll add "airing a private family fight on LiveJournal" to my List of Immaturities, but I'm so angry that I have to say something to someone or I might kill her in her sleep, and I'd rather not hijack the Snarkfest Blowing Off Steam thread.

Comments

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry Cleo. I hope you have fun tonight.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks. I'm pretty sure the evening is already ruined for me, but I can't imagine that not seeing my friends is going to make things any better.

[elvensapphire.livejournal.com]

*giant hugs*

And for the record, I'm currently out of college, I'm still looking for a job, I'm still living at home, I still haven't gotten my driver's license, and I don't have relationships. It doesn't make you immature at all, and beyond that, you're not alone. <3

Sorry, Cleo

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

Sometimes siblings just suck. I'm not too happy with my older sister, and I'm 53.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

Some fights are good because they're cathartic, but these types never fall into that category. (I know--I had them with my mother all the time. We think she has Munchausen Syndrome; she thinks we're unsympathetic and ungrateful, etc.) Hope it blows over soon and that it doesn't ruin your night out.

P.S.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

I'm about to finish my graduate degree but I've pretty much decided that I'm a) not going to use it as I had planned and b) probably going to never join the working world ever again if I can help it and c) would rather stay at home and garden and read and write stories for the rest of my life and God, I hope my husband will understand.

(This is not to say that I won't be trying to earn my keep by doing freelance work, but so help me God, I will not be chained to a desk for the rest of my life.)

[lauthe.livejournal.com]

Ain't siblings grand? From this entry and what you've previously written, though, it seems like you handle her outbursts with admirable reserve and maturity.

And if it helps, I still live at home, haven't had a boyfriend in I don't even know how many years, just learned how to drive a year ago (I'm in my twenties), and have realized that none of the things that are typically associated with "adulthood" have much to do with it at all.

[angelene.livejournal.com]

Not sure if virtual-hugs-from-total-strangers can help in such situations, but if you think they could, there, have some: *hugs*

And have fun tonight.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I think younger siblings can be particularly vicious in attacking their elder siblings' maturity because it's a permanent (and completely unavoidable) circumstance of their existence that they always feel behind, there, from being conditioned at an early age. When she was about five my sister was already feeling hugely insulted by not being treated as an equal and making similar (though, obviously, somewhat less sophisticated...) attacks.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I think what makes me angry isn't so much that she struck a nerve ("Maybe I really AM less mature than she is!?"), but rather that she actually lives in a world where she thinks she is the more mature one.

[jettcat.livejournal.com]

I knew there was a reason I was an only child and strangled all the others....

[http://users.livejournal.com/_ravengirl/]

I second the haven't had a job, still living at home, haven't gotten my driver's licence, don't even have plans to go to grad school the first time and don't have ahrdly any romantic relationships sentiments. You're definitely not alone there (in fact it helps me to read here that *I'M* not alone).

Hope your night gets better :(

[christwise.livejournal.com]

Thirded.

[sucrelefey.livejournal.com]

She needs to be taken down a notch or two. No good reason for you to ever put up with her selfish bs.
I'm made this way is the weak cowards excuse for not taking ownership of one's life.

[akathorne.livejournal.com]

Pfft, that's what the Blowing Off Steam thread is for. Also, younger siblings are filled with nasty things (I have 3 of them), and I'm sure the bipolarness isn't a big help with the rage-containing.

And I'm older than you, am still getting my BA, live in my mom's house, and haven't dated in about 6 years. So don't feel too bad.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, that's the thing: I don't feel bad about myself. But I'm guessing those are the things that make me far less mature than someone who is also still living at home, albeit at a younger age, and throws things with alarming frequency. I hate fighting, basically, and I've learned that the only way to not fight is to either pre-empt the insult ("Let me help you out") or change the subject ("Can I wash my hair now?"), because I'm sure as hell not gonna sit there and scream at her, "OH YEAH? HOW AM I IMMATURE???"

[ponygirl118.livejournal.com]

Know ye don't know be but I feel yer pain. Families can be a complete bitch.

[ponygirl118.livejournal.com]

me, not be. Sorry.

[shesnotallthere.livejournal.com]

Having been married and divorced with a mortgage and two jobs, I think I can say with absolute certainty that maturity is overrated.

Nods in agreement

[bodhichitta0.livejournal.com]

Married, two kids, boatload of monthly bills, nonstop activities and cooking for said kids, took care of father who died of cancer last year, crazy extended family (and can barely find time some weeks to get both legs shaved at the same time).

Bring on the immaturity. The only thing good about being so mature is I get to buy wine whenever I want. Multiple bottles. :-)

[greenleafgurl17.livejournal.com]

I am an only child, but I still feel your pain from watching my mother and her sister fight.

And don't feel bad about yourself, ever. I obviously don't know you in real life, but I do know that you make me smile with your stories and your linkspam every day, and if that isn't a great quality in someone I don't know what is.

[megmatthews20.livejournal.com]

I have very similar fights with my little sister. I don't drive, barely go to school (one class because if I stay home ALL the time I may go insane), don't have a bf where my sister has a fiancee, etc...

And while I basically take care of my mom all the time, I still feel so lazy compared to my sister who works while going to school. So when she constantly hints at me getting a job, it really wears me down. I keep having to reminds myself that she couldn't handle my job. She and my mom would drive each other insane...(I will admit I don't do as much housework as I should, but going to chemos with my mom kinda negates that in some ways I think.)

It's frustrating that she finds me so lazy, but the times we do get along and watch movies, or just hang out laughing and enjoying ourselves more than make up for the times I want to run away and lock the door and never talk to her again...

I'm sorry you two are fighting. It always bums me out when people fight. I hope everything works out on some level.

cheers

[elendiari22.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. I'm not currently on speaking terms with my older sister because she sees me as rebellious and a bad influence on her kids, and my little sister just went and lost an entire nitebook full of my old stories (which she'd unearthed from the box I'd safely packed it in) and refuses to take the blame for it. Bottom line: sisters can totally suck. I hope that seeing your friends tonight helps.

*big hugs*

[elendiari22.livejournal.com]

*notebook. Sorry.

[r-a-black.livejournal.com]

It's your livejournal afterall. If you don't blow steam off here at least once a month, you're just not using it correctly. Which reminds me, *goes to post a rant on her LJ*

[sualocin.livejournal.com]

The fact that you can't/don't drive makes me feel a little less lame. I mean look at you. You have a book for chriminieys sake.

I'm in community college and live at home. Yay for living at home!

Sometimes!

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

What do you wash your hair with?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Uh... Pantene? It actually took me a moment to remember. It's the curly-hair formula, shampoo and a separate conditioner, with some John Frieda Frizz Ease as a leave-in conditioner to help with combing.

[kvschwartz.livejournal.com]

I'm a decade older than you and pretty much the only thing I've accomplished that you haven't is that I TECHNICALLY have a drivers license. But I still never drive. Ever. Ever.

[kvschwartz.livejournal.com]

Oh. And I had a bar mitzvah, of sorts. Which would be difficult for you, as you're a girrrrrrrrl.

[agentsculder.livejournal.com]

I totally understand the sibling rage. My brother has come back to live with us, and he can be a total pain in the ass. As we speak, he has booted me out of the living room where I was watching Sweeney Todd because he has friends over and they are going to watch Superman Returns. It doesn't matter I was there first, all that matters is that he has friends over, and I don't. Therefore, I have to go elsewhere.

Also, it sounds like your sister doesn't seem to understand that having a boyfriend doesn't make you "mature". Having a driver's liscence doesn't make you mature. It's the ability to make good decisions and deal with the unexpected things that life throws at you that makes you mature. Somehow I doubt she could handle those things with as much grace as you.

[vlexor.livejournal.com]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Can I goink your icon?

[suenosdejmi.livejournal.com]

Oh Cleo. I too hope the night out with friends made everything better. Siblings are hard. I don't live at home anymore, but I don't drive & don't have my license. I'm 23, still finishing college & have NO clue what's next.

Cleosis needs to learn that everyone's different & that what she is has not so much to do with what you are or want to be.

Also, I feel the need to add that reading this thread has made me feel better about myself too. It's nice to know that I'm not alone out there :)

[evilbearhunter.livejournal.com]

As you (I'm 99%) said to me when I was having a rough time with my sister, sister relationships are really hard. I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time. Good luck.

[caligogreywings.livejournal.com]

Mom's bipolar. Bro is ADHD, sister is ADD, social anxiety, and probably bipolar as well.

We've stood by the fact that if you're aware of it, you are in some part in control of it. Yes, to an extent you cannot help your illness, but if you can wake up and say "Gosh, I'm feeling a little manic today" then you should be able to take yourself away from others you might hurt if you cannot control yourself.

[snapdragon76.livejournal.com]

I feel ya. I'm 30, still living at home, I work, but not enough to support myself at a somewhat crap job, nowhere close to getting a graduate degree, and I didn't learn to drive until I was almost 20.

Let us commiserate together.