Reason #486 Why I Am Not Planning on Having Children: Lack of Patience

[cleolinda]

I have come to realize something about children. But first, let me relay to you the conversation I just had with a boy of, I don't know, maybe eight years old. The set up is that he and his little sister played with our puppies yesterday while my parents were out front with them, and he announced that they would be coming back today whether we liked it or not. He and his sister duly show up a little after five this evening (it's still broad daylight, and will be for a good while). My sister ran into them as she was walking to the door from her car--in a hurry to change clothes for class--and pawned the question off on my mother, who was calling from her car as she was driving home from work. My mother asks to speak to me, because Sister Girl is busy getting ready (and... uh... my stepfather just categorically doesn't want to deal with them. Probably because he has a longstanding feud with the children of the neighborhood, who are champion ding-dong-ditchers), so I'm delegated to go downstairs and tell them to shoo, because no one really feels like hauling the puppies out front on leashes and playing with the kids for who knows how long. The kids, meanwhile, are still standing on the front porch with their own little white dog.

"Who are you?"

"Uh... I'm [Sister Girl]'s sister." Keep in mind, I have no idea who in the family they know by name, if anyone. Keep in mind, also, that I'm not used to opening my door and having someone demand who I am.

"Oh, okay. Can the puppies come out?"

"They're... they're being fed right now, I'm sorry--they can't come out." [This is the excuse my mother has offered. Note: the dogs do not actually eat until 6 pm, so we are all lying out our asses.]

"Are they gonna be done soon?"

"Probably not, no."

"Are they gonna be done in thirty minutes?"

"No... I don't think so."

"Can we wait here?"

"I don't... I don't think... maybe you can come back tomorrow?"

"We can just wait right here, is it gonna be a really long time?"

"It's probably going to be a while--"

"A couple of hours?"

"I don't really..."

"Can we talk to your mom?"

"She was on the phone..."

"Well, is she done now?"

"No, I mean I was talking to her on the phone; she's not here. She's getting home from work pretty soon though..." [oh God oh God please come home and deal with these kids]

"Are the dogs still eating?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure... "

"Are they gonna be done soon?"

"I really don't think..."

"Thirty minutes? Forty minutes?"

"Longer than that..."

"A couple of hours? An hour and a half?"

"... "

"Because we can wait right here. Or we can go back up the street and come back in an hour, or an hour and a half, and if y'all happen to be back outside, you know, or we can just ding dong if you're not, and..."

"I... Okay."

See, my sister feels bad for the kids and would have played with them if she hadn't had to run off to class; she loves kids and her primary life goal is basically to settle down and be a full-time mom. I always felt uncomfortable saying that I "don't like" kids, because that isn't true, and after this conversation, I realized why: I think of kids as very small people, because when I was a kid, I hated it when people treated me like a baby just because I hadn't gotten all my grownup teeth in yet. And there are people I like, and people I dislike. It varies, because people are people. Now, that little girl, she was quiet the whole time and held the little white dog's leash and seemed pretty sweet, so I felt kind of bad that she didn't get what she wanted (i.e., to play with puppies). The little boy, on the other hand, was annoying the living fuck out of me because he wouldn't take no for an answer, and that burns my toast no matter how old you are. Seriously, I can't believe the kid stood there for seven or eight minutes and argued with me. I mean, he wasn't being aggressive or anything; he was just being really, really persistent, and possibly too damn eight years old dense to get the point, which was NO. Maybe I'm ticked off because I can barely fathom ringing some random family's doorbell at the age of eight in the first place, much less arguing with with an adult when they told me no. Of course, people still ask me what grade I'm in ("Uh... nineteenth?"), so maybe I just didn't read as an adult to him. Really, it probably irritated me more because I suddenly saw weeks of the exact same conversation stretching out before me--God help us all when summer gets here.

I am hoping, however, that the kids on the other end of the street feel like getting their ding-dong-ditch on again this summer, because I am perfectly willing to sit around back by the side of the house with a baseball bat and lie in wait.



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Comments

[leiabelle.livejournal.com]

I am perfectly willing to sit around back by the side of the house with a baseball bat and lie in wait.

*gigglesnort* That actually made me laugh out loud. :)

If it makes you feel any better, I probably would've slammed my own head in the door halfway through the conversation, just to Make. It. Stop. >_<

[poinsley.livejournal.com]

While I'm stoked about the idea of Harley Quinn being in the next Batman movie, I'm a bit wary of Sarah Michelle Gellar playing her.

[theonlykow.livejournal.com]

It either needs to be someone new or Brittany Murphy, I'm sorry. No one else is more perfect for the role right now.

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

Children require incredible amounts of work and patience; being even a part time step-mom of two very bright kids for seven years was incredibly draining and, to be honest, never all that fulfilling. It sure as hell reinforced my belief that kids were totally not for me.

[manasseh.livejournal.com]

Man, I LOVED playing Ding-Dong-Ditch when I was a kid. Biggest thrill of my life was being chased around the neighbourhood by the resident cat lady after we rang her bell too many times.

[darthtall.livejournal.com]

I think of kids as very small people

YES. This is my problem, too. It's so ridiculous, but I have no idea how to have a prolonged conversation with children. And my mom has had a daycare in our house since I was in kindergarden, I *should know* how to do this. I'm good when they're little and it's mostly just babbling (I once had a 5-minute chat with a little boy that consisted entirely of "Hey, you!" back-and-forth. Good times.), but once they hit 5 or 6, I'm at a loss.

[emerybored.livejournal.com]

Amen. It's when they start asking questions that I have to answer that I start not liking kids as much. But, as said before, it depends on the kids.

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

You probably just should have told the truth to the kids: "I'm sorry, but the dogs can't play right now." A seven-year-old is not going to get that "they're eating" is a subtle way of saying "No, bug off." He took it literally and tried to figure out when the dogs would be able to play with him.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Just say, "I'm sorry, the dogs can't play today."

[pride4u2.livejournal.com]

Of course, people still ask me what grade I'm in ("Uh... nineteenth?")

I was at a mall last year getting my Steelers Super Bowl DVD on the day it came out and someone asked me why I wasn't in school or accompanied by a parent. Apparently, I look about 14. Or maybe it's 14 year old girls that are looking 21 (my age at the time). Heh. People are weird.

[maliekai.livejournal.com]

YES! This is the problem! Kids are looking too old these days.

[malenky-devil.livejournal.com]

Man, there are two little girls who live upstairs from my roomies and me who adore our cats and always bring along their two friends and bang on our back window (or any of the windows) to ask if they can play--constantly. My cat doesn't mind it so much, but the other hates them and runs away, so eventually we started just telling them no outright. Imagine how creepy it is to be lounging on your couch to see four little heads poking through the window at you and not going away. They loved my hamster too, and in spite of me telling them no, over and over about her, they always want to play, and that's how one of the girls got bit.

I have a love/hate relationship with children...

Did Sarah Michelle Gellar Land a Role in 'The Dark Knight'... as Harley Quinn?

Plis to not get my hopes up.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

I don't want children. I'm okay with other people's children BECAUSE YOU CAN GIVE THEM BACK.

So with you on the baseball bat.

[neveth.livejournal.com]

YES. I am perfectly content to be an Aunt, because you can GIVE THEM BACK.

[mercat.livejournal.com]

I think I have to agree about disliking kids because I hated being treated as a kid. I mean, I was, duh, but you don't have to act like I'm stupid.

Then again, I'm very sad that so many of my peers act like they're 13 all the time.

[misachan.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with the posters above: most kids that age are literal minded and just don't get subtlety. He didn't take no for an answer because he was hearing "not now.":) Next time, just say that the puppies can't come out to play today, maybe they can come out tomorrow. He might ask "Why?", but there isn't a lot of wiggle room there.

Did Sarah Michelle Gellar Land a Role in 'The Dark Knight'... as Harley Quinn?

That...that could work. Although it's kind of early in the story to bring in Harley, isn't it?

[judith-s.livejournal.com]

Cleo, you're just being too nice to the kids. The correct answer is to have the following exchange:

"Who are you?"

"Cleo."

"Oh, okay. Can the puppies come out?"

"No, they can't. Not today."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Can I talk to your Mom?"

"No. Good bye."

The end.

Be short, be direct. Do not offer excuses. Kids will try to see if they can still achieve their goals by overcoming the reasons. That's perfectly logical, and really a good thing. But if you're definite & say no, they will go away.

[riney.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could let them know that they are more than welcome to play with the puppies if the puppies are outside for their "play time." That way the kids know that if they see someone outside with the puppies, they can run down and play, but if the puppies aren't outside, the kids shouldn't come over and ask to play with them (every single day!).

[gwenmary.livejournal.com]

Wow..personally I don't understand people who don't love kids. I guess I can see that they aren't for everyone, though. One career that I thought of was to be a kindergarten teacher one day, and I can't wait to have kids. However, there definitely are people out there who just shouldn't have kids, period. My mother works at a daycare, so I'm around kids that I adore a lot, but to each his own. I agree that you should've been more straightforward with him, but I know that's easier said than done. The nineteenth grade comment made me laugh...I get that all the time, so I suppose that would put me in the thirteenth grade. Oh, and on a totally random note, have you seen the trailer for Pathfinder? Since you're such a movie buff I thought it might be something that would interest you, what with Vikings and the comic-book adaptation-ness and all.

[enid-keaner.livejournal.com]

See, I'm one of those people who doesn't like kids. At all. My mom already knows that she's not getting any grandkids' cause there is just no way in hell I'm having any. It's not happening. Ever. The only child I have ever liked was my little cousin, and quite frankly, it was really touch and go with him - I didn't like him for the first...4 or so years.

[zrath.livejournal.com]

("I don't know what's going on in this picture, but it terrifies me.")

Thank you for introducing me to the MisShapes.
I had to do a little digging to figure out what they were, exactly.
Turns out Miss Badass and Her Groovy Ghoulies fancy themselves as something called a "DJ Collective" (snort)

Now that I've stopped laughing, I invite y'all to check out a REAL DJ:
my brother, DJ Pascal (http://www.zedprod.net) (requires Flash, makes noise, induces hallucinations)

Don't believe the hype.

Preschool/school-age teacher and mom of a boy here.*raises hand*

[lemonade8.livejournal.com]

Lots of kids, boys especially, have no clue. They just know that they want and there has to be a way to wear someone down in order to GET what they want. Later on in life they drive sporty, expensive cars and try to cut everyone off in traffic in order to get pole position at the intersection.

You can try one of my tricks. (had to deal with 30 eight-ish year olds per class for quite a few years)

"No, I'm sorry, you may not play with the puppies today. Thank you for stopping by. Goodbye now." (Don't let sweet faces fool you, they are looking for a way to work you- harden your heart)

Be alpha. Own your authority, know it. Work it. Use the force. These aren't the dogs you're looking for. Move along.

Then shut the door in their cute little faces so that some adult in their lives didn't cave into the pestering and reinforce behavior that will make me have road rage at them later in life.


;D

Re: Preschool/school-age teacher and mom of a boy here.*raises hand*

[gwenmary.livejournal.com]

Uh..I hope you're joking a little bit, because I'm all for owning authority, but that seems a little harsh (the harden your heart part).

[stillxmyxheart.livejournal.com]

That right there is why I dislike kids so much. They're such rude little buggers and think they can just have whatever they want. Nobody knows how to raise their kids anymore... pfft.

[kismeteve.livejournal.com]

That TJ Maxx story makes me want to go cash-only.

I always thought Jamie Pressly would make an interesting Harley Quinn, but I can kind of see SMG in the role.

Re: Kids

[ailaes.livejournal.com]

I work in an animal boarding kennel, and we have numerous pet owners that bring their children with them to drop their dogs/cats/whatever off. While I'd say the majority of them are in the well-behaved category, there are a few that get on my/our nerves.

Honestly I don't blame the kids, it's the parents that stand there while either ignoring them as they run around the office, messing with the merchandise, etc., and don't say a thing, or tell them to stop, come here, etc. with no authority in their voices.

All the while we have to stand there and subtly suggest that they take their kids outside or whatnot. It's enough to make you want to scream and/or tear something apart [and also swear to whichever god is listening to never ever have children of your own].

[msilverstar]

As a mom, I say you have every right and reason to not like kids, especially when they persist at you like that. *pets you*

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh. And it's not even that I don't like kids, I just--something. I don't know. I know it's lame to be like, "In MY day...," but I can't imagine arguing with an adult I didn't even know like that. Except that I don't even think it's a generational thing, it's a personality thing.

[sapphires13.livejournal.com]

I'm of the opinion that children should be banned, or at least raised in seclusion by robots until they're 12. But I generally take things to the extreme.

[enid-keaner.livejournal.com]

I could SO get with the banning.

Hehehe

[erica-roo.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of a neighbor kid I used to have. He was quite imaginative. When I was in high school, he came over one day and rang the doorbell and told me that he was running away from home because his parents were abusive. He wanted to live with us! He said they punished him for things (like deciding to clean the fish tank without permission) and they never fed him or his little brother (who chose that moment to chime in and say, "I had two pieces of pizza for dinner!"). I had a pretty hard time keeping a straight face as I told him that no, he couldn't come live with us but that maybe it wasn't so bad at his house... He insisted that I check with my mother about that. ;-)

[khaman.livejournal.com]

My very first thought would have been "Where the fuck is your mom?" I mean, seriously, unless there have been adults meeting face to face at some point, I'd be really wary about letting a kid just jet over to some unknown person's house. I'm not even all 'ZOMG, murderers on every corner!', it just seems odd to me.

But then again, I'm not doing the whole kid thing, so my opinion is often weighted with 'not my problem.'

[gannet-guts.livejournal.com]

Um, is Kermit going down on Fonzie (is that Fonzie) in that video? OH MY GOD.

[metonymy.livejournal.com]

It's Rowlf, not Fozzie. (Although a muppet of the Fonz would be pretty hilarious.)

Not that that's any less horrifying. XD

[xblackrose666x.livejournal.com]

I just thought this was cute.

Bono knighted; son thinks he's a Jedi. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/03/29/bono.knight.ap/index.html)

from cnn =D

[derangeddarling.livejournal.com]

hee, i love your icon.