Frustrating day, not much to say

[cleolinda]

We had steak for dinner last night. Lucky loved steak. When I ate upstairs by myself--we tend to fix the food and then wander off separately to watch TV or do whatever--he'd run up with me and whimper, and I'd pull off a very few small, lean pieces of meat for him. And then I would say "CHEW IT," and he would make very deliberate chomping motions, rather than swallowing it whole. I'm not sure he actually chewed it any more thoroughly, but somehow I had trained him (through repeated demonstrations on my part) to believe that moving his mouth a lot would result in more steak. He was a very, very smart dog.

A different vet, whose name I can't even begin to spell, was on duty when George brought Lucky in, so the primary vet, the one who usually treated Lucky, called my mom to find out what happened. Somewhat to our surprise, even he was shocked. Mom says that he had her go through the entire story all over again--I kind of wish she'd had him to talk to me, because I was the one who was there; not that she got the details wrong, but the story was getting progressively he-said-that-she-said-that-he-said. And the primary vet, the one who owns the practice, was really sweet and said that Lucky had been a good dog--he must see our dogs at least once a month, if only for their skin problems and much-needed baths, so he knows them pretty well. In fact, he had just seen Lucky two weekends before to give him a steroid shot for his itching, and he's baffled as to what happened. Not like it's a mystery to medical science or anything; he says it probably was a clot or, to add a new theory to the pile, possibly a heart anomaly. But it's just one of those things that, no matter how many years you've practiced, apparently, and no matter how many times you've seen it before, you never see it coming.

In other news, my sister has finally consented to let Lucky be cremated. She was kind of trying to avoid the entire issue altogether, even though cremation was pretty much the only option that made any sense. So now it's a fait accompli.

I cried for a couple of minutes Friday morning, but the weekend has been tear-free. It's not that I want to bottle it up or anything, but I did a lot of crying the night it happened and a good bit more the next day, and I can't stop thinking about him as it is. I'm just hoping that if I can ease into some kind of acceptance and not cry, I'll have a shot at functioning in some normal fashion, constantly distracted or not.

I can't believe it's only been four days. It feels like it's been weeks already.

The ending to the "three missing kids" story is so terrible that I'm not even going to link to it. You want to know, go to cnn.com. Seriously. It's awful.

Something I want to ask y'all, although I suspect it's more of a rhetorical question at the end of the day: there are things I can't get into because they're family business, and not even my business at that, so it's not really my laundry to air. So that's why I'm being vague about this. But, that said: why are so many women so psychotic about their grown sons dating? Why? My poor sister has run into so many utterly psychotic women with such death grips on their sons. I mean, I understand a lot of the psychology behind it, but at the end of the day: you can't marry him yourself. LET HIM GO, WOMAN.

Comments

[shusu.livejournal.com]

Front page news here, and I was listening to the radio every time the SARAA alerts came on. And the weather's already grey, grey and heavy. I hope it breaks for us, and for everyone else under a cloud, soon.

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

I'm tempted to make an Oedipus joke, but I'd better not...

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Jocasta is sitting on Freud's couch and he's interviewing her to see if she warrants analysis. Freud says to Jocasta, "I see you have five children." Jocasta says, "Well, I love my husband." Freud looks down at his file and shoots back, "Lady, I love my cigars, but I don't resmoke the butts!"

[kateshort.livejournal.com]

*hug* re: Lucky.

And you're right about the Illinois story. I was depressed when I heard the first details yesterday, and then heartbroken when I heard the full details today.

[anne-jumps.livejournal.com]

*can't resist checking cnn.com*
God, I wish I weren't so curious. O_O

[rosetapestry.livejournal.com]

God, I wish I weren't so curious.

Same here. :(

[thatlizgirl.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Ain't it the truth. -- Sad truth, but truth nonetheless.

Therein lies the reason behind every "evil mother-in-law" archetype, ever.

[entropical87.livejournal.com]

I live a couple of minutes away from where it happened. My dad's been following the story on the news and kept me updated. Those poor kids. I can't begin to comprehend what can be wrong enough with a person that they do something like that.

[erinya.livejournal.com]

Both our deceased family pets have been cremated, and we keep the boxes in the family room. It's comforting, somehow, to have them there to be touched and said hello to whenever I come home. Sounds morbid, I know, but it helps with the horrible feeling of absence they leave behind them.

[elisa0984.livejournal.com]

I should consider myself lucky. My first boyfriend's mother seemed to like me perfectly fine even after we had broken up and though I never met the second she was apparently looking forward to meeting me.

[edda.livejournal.com]

There's a certain kind of woman who's frustrated romantically/maritally/sexually who needs to live out her disappointments by clinging to her son. That I've noticed, anyway. It weirds me out, too.

[thyroyalmajesty.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine is dating a guy whose mother is like that. The mother is divorced and possibly has some mental illness, which she may have passed on to her son. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to go to the doctor, ever, which makes her son not want to go to the doctor, ever, and therefore neither have been diagnosed. (In fact, the son is so anxious about any kind of doctor that he once passed out during an eye exam.) The mother hates my friend, and manipulates and guilts her son into taking her side over his girlfriend's every chance she gets... Good thing she lives 400 miles from her son and his girlfriend.

[reynardine.livejournal.com]

Mothers can be weirdly protective of their sons, even when they're grown. My mother-in-law is like that. My husband's brother is this huge playboy, but anytime a relationship goes south, their mother starts in about how bad the girl was. Having known some of these girls, I'd put my money on bro-in-law being a jerk, but that's not something I can say in her hearing!

[fiveforsilver]

Is it better or worse that the mother of my not-exactly-a-boyfriend in high school couldn't comprehend why I would like him? I mean, she asked me, straight out, once. Uh...he was (still is, actually) one of my best friends. What kind of question is that?

[delurker.livejournal.com]

We had our cat cremated, and now she's in a little tin on the window where she used to like to sit. It's much better than if she were buried, I think.

[megmatthews20.livejournal.com]

My dad had our cat of 12 years cremated, and we were going to spread his ashes on the 7 acres where he lived the majority of his life, but my dad couldn't part with him. He also felt that Roy (the black and white kitty in my icon) wouldn't really want to be parted with him. So he keeps him in a box next to the window. I dried a rose out and set it next to the box. It's comforting to still have him around in a way.

I miss the little bugger every day.

cheers

[piratesorka.livejournal.com]

If I was dating a man whose mother was Godzilla incarnate when it came to her son...I'd take another look at sonnyboy. Just what sort of worm allows his mama to dictate such bad behavior to a woman he cares about? At what point does he cut off the apron strings.

See, its just not the psychotic mama's its the men too.

Good riddance I'd say...now your sister needs to reexamine why she chooses such babies to start.

[valkyrie79.livejournal.com]

I agree that the dude is definitely not blameless in mommy issues like that.

Also, you always hear that if there's a pattern like that in your life, then it's not happening because of all the separate other people -- it's something you're seeking out for some reason, even though probably not consciously . . . just a thought.

[queenofattolia.livejournal.com]

But, that said: why are so many women so psychotic about their grown sons dating? Why? My poor sister has run into so many utterly psychotic women with such death grips on their sons. I mean, I understand a lot of the psychology behind it, but at the end of the day: you can't marry him yourself. LET HIM GO, WOMAN.

Part of the reason is I think a lot of single mothers have used their sons as stand-ins for regular mates (just as a "man to lean on," not sexually, cause, ew), and/or as best friends and confidants. I can see my sister doing this to her son, and it worries me. I think there's a film on this very subject (and starring Kyra Sedgwick) floating around somewhere. Chuck Palahnuik (sp?) touches on this a bit in Fight Club, I think. At any rate, it is worrisome and for the girls who love these guys, highly annoying.

[elbales]

*ZOMG icon love*

[tifaria.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure he actually chewed it any more thoroughly, but somehow I had trained him (through repeated demonstrations on my part) to believe that moving his mouth a lot would result in more steak. He was a very, very smart dog.

That's so sweet. A very smart dog indeed. :)

I dunno about the mother thing, but it reminds me of a woman I helped at work one time. Her son had just gotten married and she wanted to frame his favorite recipe that she used to make for him because, as she said, her new daughter-in-law never made it right so she thought that maybe framing it and putting it in the kitchen "might help her". The way she said it and the smile on her face made it pretty clear that she didn't like said daughter-in-law.

I had no choice but to smile and help her, but if I'd been the daughter-in-law, I think I'd be pretty insulted.

[msilverstar]

If MIL did that to me I'd shove the framed recipe to the son and tell him to make the damn dish.

(My MIL is perfectly fine, the only real issue I have is that she says she wants to be with the grandkids, but she really doesn't choose to pay much attention to them. Her loss.)

[roseredhoofbeat.livejournal.com]

Your sister needs to buy "How to Spot a Bastard By His Star Sign" and look up the Cancer section. It's full of little gems like, "...spend some time with her, and you'll soon realize where the term "son of a bitch" came from."

[divabat.livejournal.com]

Warn me. What does it say for Aquarius?

(I might have actually read the book, if we're thinking of the same one - he's a nice guy but the profile can be a bit spot on XD and his mum likes me, so yay! it's MY parents he has to worry about 0_o)

[ailaes.livejournal.com]

~repeats hug giving~

[sharrainchains.livejournal.com]

I once heard this old saying, "a son's a son 'til he gets him a wife; a daughter's a daughter all of her life." I'm guessing that at least some of those psychobitch mothers may fear that they will lose their sons completely, if their sons choose the wrong women.

[carinmlp.livejournal.com]

And here I'd thought it was just my ex's mother! She would ground him for little things on date nights, snipe at me, trash-talk me to other mothers, and ... while I am something of an odd duck, I'm no scarlet woman. I mean, back when I was dating her son, I was a mild-mannered straight-edge band dork whose Saturday night consisted of Mario Kart with her little brother. I mean, come on. I'm posting without reading the other comments because this struck such a nerve, but I hope to find some insight there. Doesn't matter much now, but I'd love to know what reason I gave her to loathe me, even if it was just being there.

[r-a-black.livejournal.com]

Ditto on how awful the story is on the three missing kids. That's just... I mean seriously, how do you respond to something so horrible?

Where exactly are you guys going to keep Lucky's ashes? I assume you'd be most comfortable in keeping him, no? I know I go on about my dog far too much this being your time of grief and I'm very sorry for that, but Ruby was cremated as well and I've kept her the entire time because my sister can never get herself to take her, as much as she said before that she'd like to trade between her room and mine. I'm completely comfortable keeping her with me, but I'm just saying to be prepared for that sort of thing because bringing her home in the first place tore me up as much as the day we lost her.

Protective mothers scare me. My mother's like that over my brother, and I hate it, absolutely hate it. The reasoning of course is that every mother wants the best for her children, but I'd think when they reach 30 and they're still at home with you, you'd best be concerned for him never getting a woman rather than one that will break his heart, or God forbid, argue with him from time to time. It's just plain silly, s'all.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I don't know--I'm thinking a shelf or the mantel, but we haven't really decided yet. We got a flat box so that we could prop a photo on top or something.

[xanath.livejournal.com]

I broke down on seeing that story on CNN. I'd so hoped they'd find the missing children. Hey, my Inner Cynic was wrong about Baby Abbey; maybe this time . . . ? Nope. :*(

God, that's awful. And I could have done without the details of why the police missed finding them the first time. What a damned lousy situation.

--Kris

[mysticowl.livejournal.com]

You know, I've met possessive mothers. My own mom is something along those lines, not completely psychotic, but somewhat possessive. I think it's that the moms really want to be the MOST IMPORTANT SOMEONE OMG! in their sons' lives. They can't marry them, but they can still be the one they worship, and adore, and listen to, and run to with problems, and joys, etc. Guess it grates that someone else might have influence over your darling little boy. Which is why I hope if I ever have kids, it's a girl, I have enough things to go psychotic over, thankyouverymuch.

[the-bumper-car.livejournal.com]

As for the psycho mothers - these women often have been left behind/widowed by their husbands and had to raise their son all their own. Thus they often are seriously possesive of their son, and thus get seriously cheesed off when some woman goes in and steals him away after all the time, money, and hard work they poured into him.

[la-sonnambula.livejournal.com]

Hi Cleo, I've only just been catching up on LJ and I'm so sorry about Lucky. He sounds absolutely wonderful and adorable.

Ugh, I feel for your sister. Putting the batshit of a can't-let-go mother aside, it's also shudderingly creepy.

[divabat.livejournal.com]

I've found the opposite to be true in my case. Both my boyfriend and my male best friend have parents who are OK with them dating - indeed, the male best friend is single and apparently his parents are adamant that he find himself a girlfriend. (I think they think *I*'m dating him, which can be a bit awkward!!) And the best friend's from a religious Christian family, go figure.

On the other hand, my parents are still in denial about me (a girl) having a boyfriend. "Saving my dignity", don't let the man be a "big hero" and all that. Yes, he is my first boyfriend, but there's no need to be paranoid, sheesh. :P