(no subject)

[cleolinda]

Wow, I am tired today. Like, a weird kind of tired--a hungover kind of tired, where I've gotten enough sleep so that I'm not actually tired, but my eyes are puffy and I feel like I'm dragging weights by my ankles. The weird part is that this is a caffeine hangover, as I had two Mountain Dews and a large, commemorative Coke at the movie last night. I think I may have actually still been on a caffeine high when I woke up, which is kind of scary.

So, I was saying: I had a very full day. Also, I have discovered that there's something about the Mission: Impossible theme that will make just about anything seem exciting. So download one below and continue.

The Clayton/Mullen (aka "half of U2") version from the first movie.

 Once you get over the realization that you are listening to a techno version of a TV theme, it's still really fun, even ten years later.

I have a version from the second movie by--Limp Bizkit? Ew--but there's lyrics at some point, and I'm sorry, if it's got lyrics, it ain't the MI theme.

Michael Giacchino orchestration, main theme from the third movie. Fairly straightforward, about a minute.

Michael Giacchino, "Schifrin and Variations," from the third movie. Basically, a three minute orchestral (i.e., no techno, no guitars) version of the theme. Liking it muchly.

Oh, and I found my old single CD, so here are the b-sides from the Clayton/Mullen version. One is labeled "Mission: Accomplished" on the CD sleeve and the other one has that name in its file title, so... I'm going with the remix names:

Junior's Hard Mix Edit. This remix is almost not within legal boundaries, because the title is not pretentious enough. It does, however, have all the WHOOP WHOOP WHOOPS and dialogue repeated ad infinitum that you have come to expect from your dancefloor remixes. (Yes, I understand that this tape will self-destruct. Unfortunately, this is a CD, so shut it.)

Guru Mix. I always called it "The Telephone Version," for some reason. Gets kind of James Bondsy around 1:41, so hang in there for that.

So. My mission, should I have chosen to accept it, and it's pretty obvious that I did, was to complete a media triathlon in nine hours: find and watch a DVD that my grandmother will actually enjoy (and given that 1) Pirates of the Caribbean didn't entirely cut the mustard and 2) we had run out of Jane Austen movies the family owns on DVD, you see what a difficult task this could be); get over to the Vestavia Rave for a 5 pm showing of Mission: Impossible III, or however they're punctuating it today; get to Panera and "ask for a Chris Bonney," in order to get a free dinner; and get back to the house by 7:58 for Lost, because the show tends to start a little early.

So, in order:

Happy Grandma Movie Day actually went really well. I went with The Princess Bride, which had the added subtext of being about a grandfather-grandson bonding experience. I think it took her a little while to get into it, because the movie has... an unusual tone, let's put it that way. It's not straight-up satire or parody, because there's an essential sweetness that's genuine, but it's got an arch tone for sure. But Cary Elwes really reminds me of Errol Flynn in this one, and my grandmother (as evidenced in our Movie Day two weeks ago) loves Errol Flynn, so I thought it would work. And by the last half hour or so, she was exclaiming, "My word! He's just got to get better!" over and over, which was hilarious. Here's how sharp my grandmother is, though: the Dread Pirate Roberts is but a speck on the Cliffs of Insanity and she's all like, "Is that the princess's boyfriend come back?" That never even occurred to me the first time I saw the movie. Of course, I was also ten.

This was the easy part.

Shortly before I leave, Sister Girl hands me the coupon I will need to get food acquire the target--I'm not asking for a Chris Bonney, I'm asking for a Crispani. It's a new product launch at Panera, where she works--invitation only. Kind of a very thin, flatbread pizza with no sauce, gourmet cheese, and a topping (I think the combos were something like tomato and basil, rosemary pepper chicken, three cheese [i.e., plain], sweet sausage and apple, pepperoni, and mushroom.) Ohhhhhhh. Silly Southern accents.

The Lovely Emily and I then met up at the Rave shortly before five. I have already sucked down two Dews during Princess Bride, and we're just crazy enough to get a giant Coke and a giant popcorn we won't actually eat once the movie's started. Then the projector breaks, or the projectionist drops dead, or something, in the middle of the Nacho Libre preview. God may or may not be displeased with a movie about a priest who moonlights as Strong Bad. I'm just saying. Since there are only four other people in the theater, the Lovely Emily has to go on reconaissance for an employee who can actually do something about it.

The movie, God help us all, is actually good. It starts off with an engagement party seemingly designed to have a bunch of random strangers squeal over how very heterosexual-manstudly Tom Cruise is. Except for Greg Grunberg (it's Greg! HI GREG!), who is having none of it. Bless. Anyway, the story's far more team-oriented than the last one and more logic-oriented than the first one, Maggie Q is entirely awesome, Felicity Keri Russell gets about ten minutes of badassery before she is airlifted out of the movie to safety, and the part on the bridge is outrageously righteous because, I mean, JJ Abrams has fighter jets swoop down out of nowhere and shoot missiles at Tom Cruise while he's just sitting in traffic. This is an idea whose time may have come.

(Heh. Check out the caption on the picture at the top. Even the Germans are snarking on Cruise.)

Here's the weird thing: yes, you're going to notice similarities to Alias and Lost, because JJ Abrams created both those shows in addition to writing and directing this movie. In fact, I think he plagiarized a Lost CPR scene (you know the one) from himself. (Or his writing staff, whichever.) And as far as Alias goes, I'm still not sure why the second scene of the movie isn't just captioned, "72 Hours Earlier." What I didn't expect were to see some strange parallels to... The Princess Bride. I'm just going to say--there's a villain's demise at the end that reeks of Fire Swamp. And our hero can be brought back because he's only mostly dead. Just look for it when you Netflix the DVD.

It is now 7:17.

Panera is down on the lower level, so we're there pretty quickly. It is now 7:20, and I am caffeinated to the gills. I would be all like, "This is soooooo like the part in the movie with the adrenaline shot," except I was mostly hiding in my elbows and whimpering at that part.
 
We approach the counter.* "I was told to ask for... the Crispani."

"The what?"

"DO YOU HAVE THE CRISPANI?"

"I don't know if we're supposed to..."

"I HAVE A COUPONNNNN!"

"Oh. Okay. You're [Sister Girl's] sister, right? Would you like a half-salad with that? It's only--"

"Do you have a girlfriend? A wife? GIVE ME THE CRISPANI OR I WILL MAKE HER BLEEEEEED."

"Ma'am... I'm seventeen."

And then we have to cool our heels for 12-14 minutes while the Crispani cooks. "See? I took notes in my awesome little notebook that I just got, it's hard to write in the dark but I'm pretty good at it and I only wrote over myself a couple of times, I don't even know what that says at all but I'm sure I'll figure it out, am I talking really fast? I feel like I'm talking really fast, I feel really fast like everything's going really fast right now, I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

We get home at 7:56, and the garage door just happens to be unlocked, so we're able to slide into the rec room with two minutes to go. Mmm, rosemary pepper chicken.

After Lost, I take my little notebook upstairs, acquire some movie-related music, and start working on a parody for the theoretical second book. Unfortunately, I am so Coked up that I end up sitting at the computer tapping my heels together in a sort of Zen brain cocoon until about two in the morning. I got about 600 words done, though, and at the rate I was tweaking going, I felt accomplished.

Also, Sister Girl brought home three bags of challah. It was a good day.