INFIDELS!

[cleolinda]

Okay, so I've been interested in Van Helsing because

1. I'm a major vampire/Dracula fan
2. I'm a major Hugh Jackman fan
3. I'm a major Kate Beckinsale fan
4. My second cousin was the set decorator
5. I actually thought Stephen Sommers' first Mummy movie was pretty spiff.

The thing is, when you get as deep into movies as I do (I remember when I posted that Reese Witherspoon might be the lead actress! I remember when I was totally, totally wrong!), you tend to get attached to movies wayyy in advance. Maybe you get a little too attached. (Everyone else: "MAYBE?") Anyway, I knew that I--and this movie--was in trouble when I read last month that Jackman is playing a character named Gabriel Van Helsing. Gabriel? GABRIEL?

Quoth Stephen Sommers: "The key is to use the source material." Half a page later :"For one thing, I don’t like the name Abraham. I can’t name my lead character Abraham. That isn’t going to cut it."

I mean, never mind that "Abraham" has been good enough for every other actor who ever played the character, ever.* It isn't good enough for the cinematic visionary who brought you the Scorpion King, so bring on the rewrites!

Anyway. This isn't even what I came to rant about today. No, it gets a lot worse. There's a couple of new reviews at AICN that reveal the ending. (Rather, one reveals it and the other doesn't contradict it.) And this ending? Is beyond lame. BEYOND. LAME. The only thing lamer would be if Sommers thinks he can still make sequels after what he's done to this character. And he probably does. In fact, he probably put it in Jackman's contract.

Sommers, you are dead to me.

(P.S. Could you get Universal to send me passes for opening weekend? Kthnx.)

Final thought: I am rilly, rilly, rilly glad now that, when I first heard about this movie last spring, I said, "Vampire hunter movie? Oh, shit" and put a quickness on Black Ribbon. No, it's not finished, but I've got enough of it up that I can prove it was my own idea and not related to this movie in any way. Also, I predict that there will be huge fanfic about this movie, mostly trying to go back and rewrite the ending. In fact, go ahead and start your fanfic now, because I promise you, you can't think of anything worse than this.



*I'll be damned. "J."? "Jeffery"? "Malichi"? "Larimer?" LARIMER?

Comments

[paperandglue.livejournal.com]

It seems weird that he doesn't like the name "Abraham" when its typical nickname is "Abe."

Which rhymes with the typical nickname for "Gabriel" -- "Gabe."

I'm sorry this guy is fucking up a favourite story of yours. I expect I'll wait for it to come out on DVD so I can skip to the Huge parts.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Yeah, it just makes me mad because I remember reading Dracula when I was thirteen, and I've seen so many different movie versions, and I was okay with making VH half the usual age, and then throwing in every other monster in the Universal catalogue, and then making Kate Beckinsale a gypsy princess in tight leather pants, and then... it's just the last straw, you know?

[malenky-devil.livejournal.com]

Jackman is playing a character named Gabriel Van Helsing. Gabriel? GABRIEL?

Quoth Stephen Sommers: "The key is to use the source material." Half a page later :"For one thing, I don’t like the name Abraham. I can’t name my lead character Abraham. That isn’t going to cut it."

..o_O

...O_o

...O_O

...x_x

What the hell is that? I mean, I like the name Gabriel (my favorite boy name), but where does one get off changing Abraham Van Helsing's name to Gabriel Van Helsing? You can't just change the name of somebody else's character just because you don't like the name Abraham. I'm a little upset about that, yo. I've been looking forward to Van Helsing for a while (right there with Troy), say it ain't so for the ending. Though that review did forget to mention our favorit Friar...Carl.

Oh, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, I saw The Passion about two weeks ago and wanted to know if you wanted a review for the Digest. Though you may have to wait a while for it, I'm going to be busy this next week. If you like, just ask.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, please, review Passion for me.

I did read a VH script review today that probably gave more space to Friar (Friar... Carl) than anything else I've read so far.

And I like "Gabriel" a lot, on its own. But "Gabriel Van Helsing" makes about as much sense to me as... just name him "Joshua," or "Tyler," or something, God.

I don't know why this surprises me so much, really. I mean... CARL, yo.

[malenky-devil.livejournal.com]

Dude, are you online? If so, I'm on YM right now if you want to catch me when I'm not insanely busy.

Oh yeah, we can't forget Wally Van Helsing. Aiyah. :(

[alysscarlet.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear that things sound bad for Van Helsing - I was looking forward to it!

And to have one of your favourite stories messed with like this must be very painful!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, I've been pretty serene through all the Harry Potter and LOTR "OMG THEY CHANGED IT FROM THE BOOK!" hoohah. I guess it had to bite me sometime. ;)

[malenky-devil.livejournal.com]

In a similar vein, it is just like how I felt when I watched the movie version of Queen of the Damned. Completely bastardized canon and
Notagorn as Lestat with brown hair. Plus, no Louis, Gabrielle or Mekhare. Not to mention David Talbot looked forty and not in his seventies as he was supposed to be. Alliyah may be dead, but honestly, I didn't think she was that great in it. It disappointed so much. I did like the music, though. Oy, this is bringing back bad memories.

[edda.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm getting a major League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vibe off this thing, so I figure just pour cheese over the popcorn and munch away.

Of course, I'm the one whose head spun in the theater when ELVES showed up and Helm's Deep and there wasn't a Huorn for miles in The Two Towers, so there you go.

[edda.livejournal.com]

AT Helm's Deep, don't mind me, just on my way to scrub the scuff marks off my brain...

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Yeah... League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was an abomination. I didn't even read the comics until the movie came out, and I ended up not seeing the movie until it hit DVD, but even still... broke my heart, man. At least with Van Helsing, it's obviously a pastiche of several different movies.... right? Right?

[rockgeisha.livejournal.com]

Note to self: Skip Van Helsing and watch The Monster Squad again.

Self: That's what you were going to do anyway.

Note to self: Oh, right.

[bombastic.livejournal.com]

My Lord in heaven, what an awful ending. You know, for something that has so much potential, they seem to be almost purposefully trying to turn it into a crapfest. Messing with an established character like that is like making Sherlock Holmes, you know, a foot fetishist or something. It just isn't done. Bleargh!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

"Messing with an established character like that is like making Sherlock Holmes, you know, a foot fetishist or something."

Heh.

Yeah, but, see, it's Gabriel Van Helsing, so they can do whatever they STABSTABSTAB!!

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Actually, I always felt Sherlock Holmes was a bit of a bastard, so making him a fooot fetishists or something wouldn't be that big a deal.

Van Helsing's name hasn't been changed around, but back in the 1930's, they changed Victor Frankenstien's name to "Henry".

Anyways, that ending does sound lame. It might sound even lamer if I could make more sense of it.