Oscar entry #11

[cleolinda]

Vladimir: "where's my trainwreck", indeed.

Cleolinda: dammit, this is tasteful and well-planned! WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE!

Mercifully, Chris Rock introduces "Sean Combs" instead of P. Puffy Diddly-Doo or whatever the hell he's decided to call himself today. Oh dear. Combs just said, "The last song is from a hip and creative film: The Polar Express." The sound you heard was me going "BWAH!" Here's Josh Groban and Beyonce between glowing train engines. "Snow" is falling on them. Also, Beyonce skinned a disco ball for her gown. Whoa, I had never heard Groban before, and I wasn't expecting that voice to come out of that tiny creature. (Please, Groban fans, do not come harass me. It won't do any good.) Beyonce gives Josh the glad-eye up and down (hey now). Sister Girl: "Their voices don't really complement each other, do they?" No, Sister Girl. They do not. I think it's kind of like they're not trying to sing in harmony. "Of course they're not," says Sister Girl. "They both think they're awesome, and the other one should [harmonize]."

PRINCE! PRINCE I LOVE YOU! BEST SONG! I LOVE YOU PRINCE! ONLY YOU GOT ME THROUGH TITANIC IN FIFTEEN MINUTES! WHOA. I totally wasn't expecting Motorcycle Diaries to win... and the guy gets up, sings a verse of the song, says, "Thanks! Ciao," and leaves. Okay then!

Here's Sean Penn. Oh, break it down. Here it comes. Sean Penn wants to answer Chris Rock's question of who Jude Law is (here's me: "Ohhhhh no. Ohhhhh no..."): "He's one of our finest actors." Blessedly, it doesn't go any further than that. (Sister Girl: "Well! He handled that... tastefully!") Best Actress! Big wooooo! for Kate Winslet, interestingly enough. Hilary Swank wins again--as I said, plunging us into a world where Swank has two and Kate has none. But you know what? NEITHER DOES MRS. WARREN BEATTY. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. Schadenfreude, can't help it. Swank: "I'd like to start by thanking my husband, because I'd like to think that I learn from past mistakes."

(Can you imagine how amazingly awful this would be if all the actresses had been lined up onstage for this?)

Conti tries to play Swank off the stage, and Hilary's like, "Uh-uh! You can't do that! I haven't gotten to Clint yet!" Conti's cheerful music hides the sound of Cates having a seizure backstage.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

hang in there... you're almost there... ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

*roflmao* the first woman to ever breastfeed an apple??? eum what breasts???

L.

[ladyaurora1ca.livejournal.com]

We're sending our strength and as much booze as ya need... though it should be better now that Beyonce is gone!

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

i wonder who will be on the 'worst dress list' tomorrow... anyone say beyonce???

[morgaard.livejournal.com]

Gwyneth Paltrow is the first person to breastfeed an apple...? I must've misheard that or didn't get the reference.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

her baby's name is Apple...poor child

[firegatka007.livejournal.com]

what a dissapointing end to a competitive race

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

foreign films! woot...love those

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

i don't love those so much this year... they should've nominated 'The Alzheimer Case' goddammit!!!

De zaak alzheimer rules!! *belgian pride still bruised over that one*

[word-herder.livejournal.com]

I love Josh Groban, but...Beyonce. Woe. I'm not sure I can forgive him for that one.

[(Anonymous)]

The poor guy probably didn't have a choice.

[tsuki-no-yami.livejournal.com]

Sam Jackson! SQUEE!

[mycenae.livejournal.com]

Jackson: "All I know is we can't film anything without screeplays." Shhh. Don't tell George Lucas.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Okay, that made me laugh out loud right there.

[meyrin-hawke.livejournal.com]

I can't help it; I really like Paltrow. Dunno about fleshy-color for her dress but she's just so pretty.

Aaaaand here's Mace Windu himself!

[lumaria.livejournal.com]

Ugh, Swank over Winslet. There is no God.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

poor guy is getting so flustered ..."thats really intimidating"

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

"i wanna get off the stage" thatd so be me....

[mysticowl.livejournal.com]

Heee! The screenwriter commenting on the second countdown = funniest moment of the night so far.

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

YEY for the spotless mind... ;)

[meyrin-hawke.livejournal.com]

Yay! They deserve at least something tonight!

[mycenae.livejournal.com]

CHARLIE KAUFFMAN YAAAAAAYYY!!! And he makes fun of the teleprompter countdown of doom. YAAAAAYY!!!

[elbiesee.livejournal.com]

Yes! ESotSM wins for best original screenplay! And Charlie gives Kate props! (He's kinda adorkable...)

[distant-cord.livejournal.com]

Was I the only one who thought that the Motorcycle Diaries guy was totally smug and annoying? ARGH! I just wanted him to SHUT UP AND DIE! SHUT UP NOW OR I WILL STAB YOU TO DEATH WITH MY ICE CREAM SPOON! AHHHHHHHHH!

[smileybob33.livejournal.com]

The song guy?

He was really pissed at them because they wouldn't let him sing his song and handed over to Antonio and Carlos Santana instead.

[kittenkatt.livejournal.com]

Charlie Kauffman looks like Seth Green with a black 'fro.

[ex-krazycat651.livejournal.com]

YES YES YES YES YES
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!
*dances*

[alisaselene.livejournal.com]

yay *does the snoopy dance*

[anjenue.livejournal.com]

Kate needs an Oscar. Badly. She's such an amazing actress, and she keeps getting passed over time and time again. *weeps*

[http://users.livejournal.com/lorien__/]

at least it's not as painfull as the BAFTAS... TWO nominations... AND still no award... ugh... what's the world comming to?

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

DAMN STRAIGHT ETERNAL SUNSHINE!!!!11

The best screenplay of the year actually won. Rock on.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

did anyone else catch that McDonald's baby commercial? i adore it

[theatre-angel.livejournal.com]

Kate didn't win. THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD.

Oh, but wait. Eternal Sunshine won. Justice has returned.

Ooh, shiny...

[cinnamontwist.livejournal.com]

Beyonce and Josh Groban. 0.o

[penelopeblack.livejournal.com]

"The last song is from a hip and creative film: The Polar Express." The sound you heard was me going "BWAH!"

Yes, I believe I made a similar sound and a fitting face when he said that. O_o

[tsuki-no-yami.livejournal.com]

"Their Eyes Were Watching God"

Gah. *has traumatic highschool flashbacks*

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

yeah what is that about?