(no subject)

[cleolinda]

Two back stories, wildly divergent in tone, for you: the "P.S. You are fugly" icon and why I get depressed right before Valentine's Day--because my father walked out on Friday the 13th seven years ago (and he's still refusing to pay child support as of this week). At least y'all can stop telling me to buck up on the romantic front, because that's not it at all. Well, mostly. ; )


ETA: In case you're wondering, I started feeling better once I realized this was part of why I was feeling down. It's always there this time of year, but it's to the point where I've stopped consciously thinking about it. I like having that entry up because it seems to make people feel better--there are so many people I've run into with similar stories, and we all end up feeling better after realizing that crappy things happen to lots of people, and that we all end up getting through it, and that we're not alone.

Comments

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Ah. Quite understandable then.

Would offer something, but don't know what. A posse? You've probably got enough on tap by now. Fangirls can be a formidable force when riled.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'll save the Cleo Army for the day he decides to step up and claim responsibility for anything good that's happened to me. But thanks. : )

[shoiryu.livejournal.com]

<3 You know where to find me, darlin'.

[bodhichitta0.livejournal.com]

The romance thing would have been easier.

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

"Shitweasel".

Lady, you are so talented!

It seems obvious to me that you are doing well, despite the 'Shitweasel.' But it's okay to feel sad about not having the father you deserve.

I know I don't know you, but I look forward to buying many, many copies of your book.

Good luck with everything!

[sapphires13.livejournal.com]

Speaking of back story... yesterday my brother and I were watching Days Of Our Lives (the only soap opera I'll watch!) and Sami spent a good 15 minutes of the episode explaining to Brandon everything that had happened in the last 4 months, so I added commentary:

Me: Thank you for that journey into the department of back story, Sami.

**gives Cleo chocolate**

[soleta-nf.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That's really hard. I've recently decided to cut my mom out of my life, and it feels good. I'm sure as the years go on and birthdays and Christmases pass, it will be hard, but for right now, it just feels good to reclaim my life and decide that she has no right to be in it if she'd going to treat me this way.

Your dad is being a total dick. I know what you mean about intellectually knowing you didn't do anything wrong, but still feeling sad and upset and angry - your mind can't legislate how your body feels, unfortunately. Is there a way that you could perhaps symbolically try to let go of him or cut him out of your life? I know he's effectively cut out now, but if the memory of him keeps being brought up in court battle after court battle, it's like the wound just keeps getting broken open over and over again, and that's not healthy. You can't change the situation and the court cases, but perhaps you can change how you think about things, your perspective. I've found that helpful for me, doing little symbolic things that help me let go or try not to let someone bother me so much, even though they haven't changed at all...

[ambiguousreason.livejournal.com]

...Oh. I don't really know what to say now; "I'm sorry" doesn't seem particularly appropriate (although I am. Sorry, I mean) because it isn't something that you are (or were) upset about. That sucks, though, and it certainly explains why you don't like Valentine's Day.

Sort of makes my romantic issues with Valentine's Day seem stupid, doesn't it?

(Now I'm confused as to how I missed that entry when you first posted it. Was it originally friends-locked?)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Well, it was from last August. I don't think it was friends locked.

[exiledprincess.livejournal.com]

*hugs* i also have some inkling about what you're going through, having daddy issues o'plenty myself. and i've been in therapy for a year because of it. it is rough. and something that helps when i remember / believe it, is that it's him who has the problem, his shortcomings that won't allow him to be the father i want(ed) /need(ed). *hands Cleo a daddy tissue*

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

*hands Cleo a daddy tissue*

Was that pun intentional? Cause I think it's hilarious and I feel bad for it.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

Wow, I really sympathize on both the hateful Valentine's Day and horrid parents fronts. At least for me the two don't coincide...

[lostmiseashellz.livejournal.com]

i can say that i somewhat understand the whole father thing. my dad was a druggie alcoholic whom i never remembered living in the same house as the rest of the family. he would go to work on 3rd shift, leaving him to sleep during the day. his brother would "watch" my older brother and sister while he slept, molesting them as he did so. when dad switched shifts, he'd go out with his friends at all hours of the night. he'd leave coke lines on the living room table. it's a wonder none of us are dead. when he and my mother divorced, he went to live with his mistress and spent all the money he'd saved up on a trip somewhere, and when the money was gone he came back to my mom. she had a nervous breakdown. he, my uncle and my cousin were very close, and when my cousin, high at the time, tried to ride his motorcycle one night he ended up getting killed, and it pretty much shocked my dad and uncle into getting clean. both my mother and father are now remarried, but his new wife seems to think that since dad's married to her, she can passive-aggressively and consistently suggest that he should have nothing to do with his biological kids, instead spending his money on her and her daughter (who just had a baby in november. she graduated high school in june. this is the product of her getting her own car and lying to her mom and my dad about going places, and my stepmom refusing the offer to let my dad help her with raising and discipline when they first married 7 years ago). when my uncle (who, with down syndrome, managed to help look after us for many school breaks and summers, therefore holding a very, very dear place in our hearts--especially mine, because i have more fond memories made with him than my dad) passed away on january 7 of this year, he had supposedly suggested helping to fly in my sister from orlando for his funeral, then pretty much twiddled his thumbs (twiddled his thumbs meaning he was continually henpecked by my stepmom) until the plane tickets got too high to do anything and retracted the offer. in the same conversation in which he informed my sister that she could not, in fact, come to the burial of someone so close to us because he simply did not have that kind of money, he told her that he and our stepmother would be spending at least a week in various parts of florida. he makes upwards of $100K a year, and he can't afford a plane ticket for his daughter, but can miraculously afford a trip that would cost ten times as much. talk about irony. my sister and i have pretty much come to the conclusion that he's not really trying.

as for the whole romantic front thing, it's not so bad being single. trust me--ive been single most of my life. :)

[shempskaya.livejournal.com]

This is completely off-topic, but what layout do you use for your journal? Because I'd love to gank it and rework the colors, images, etc. for me as long as you don't have a problem with it.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's a standard S2 layout I started using after I saw a lot of other people with it. I think it's Component. I just went through and customized it to one of my favorite colors, to match a couple of graphics I already had. No big.

http://www.livejournal.com/customize/

[kotszok.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You've got so much support now! ^^ Makes everything worth it, eh? :)

Happy shitweasel day

[mistersean.livejournal.com]

Usually I'm quite content to simply read your posts, but today I thought I'd throw a little goodwill your way.

I feel your pain re: the shitweasel, (nice BTW). My Dad left when I was 3 and my brother was 1, and to my knowledge he has *never* made a child support payment. (Of course, my mother pretty much owns him now, but it's small consolation when measured against a childhood where we never had enough money. Whatever.) Just remember that it's nothing to do with you. You're one of the most interesting people on tha interweb, so it can't be you :-)

Anyway, I just felt like throwing that out there.

[blackdiamants.livejournal.com]

My dad walked out when I was two and has hardly paid child support in years since; I'm almost 18 now.
He's stopped sending things for my birthday and Christmas. How wonderful fathers are, eh?

Luna

[sparkythehamstr.livejournal.com]

That sounds like me and Christmas. Verrry similar story. In fact, I'm kind of getting deja vu with the pseudonym thing (well, the whole thing, really) and not wanting his name anywhere close to your success. So weird. I kind of feel inspired now, I suppose, knowing there's another aspiring (well, soon to be more than aspiring on your part) author out there who's been through some of the same shit. Thanks for sharing.



P.S. I hate Valentine's Day on principle alone. I think that's enough. :)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

That's why I like to have the story out there. I initially told it to a friends list that was a lot (LOT) smaller, and when I saw how people responded to it, I ended up writing a more in-depth version several months later. Sharing stories like that seems to help people. : )

Hello

[poto-vsd.livejournal.com]

Hello, Cleolinda! I love your Phantom of the Opera in 15 minutes! I was just wondering if it's alright that I borrowed the phrase "Hotness de Chagny" (and several others) for my Phantom of the Opera: Very Secret Diaries. If it isn't, I can take it out. I respect your wishes and the hardwork you put into writing the m15m's.

Re: Hello

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's fine. What I do whenever I use a phrase from, say, Television Without Pity is I use it as a hyperlink back to that page. You could do that, if it makes you feel any better. : )

[alysscarlet.livejournal.com]

It's totally understandable you should feel down about this - without even realising what it was! I'm glad that recognising it has helped you to feel better.

*joins the posse*

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

Hey, Happy Wailentine's day, kid. I feel you, on the dad front. I'm 28, my parents divorced when my mom was pregnant and my dad never paid a dime. On the upside, we speak sometimes, and he heard through the family that I'm having money trouble, so he *says* he's going to send me some... we'll see, but it's a step, right? Point is, things change. Maybe he'll come around someday...

[koritsimou.livejournal.com]

*pets*

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Eee hee hee. Your icon amuses me greatly.

[istoo.livejournal.com]

So it's a :( sorry to hear that that was the reason. Plus a :) for other story, and that you are feeling better about things.

[girlfrom10thave.livejournal.com]

*huggles cleolinda just because*
Well, I'll just say that it's totally your dad's loss for doing all that stuff and not getting to know you. He is so missing out on knowing a lovely person.

[syneblue.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* Fathers can be such effective assholes. I had a bit of the same thing with my own dad, not the infidelity, but pretty much overnight he lost every penny he and my mom had saved, and a lot, LOT more. My mom wouldn't leave him though, and ever since, things have been...well, you know what I'm talking about.
Hmm, I just realized I'm telling all this to a total stranger, even though I think your diary is hilarious and I've been reading it for a few weeks now. It just made me feel weirdly better to know that I'm not the only one out there who doesn't live in some strange Brady Bunch rerun family. Anyway, it sounds to me like you'll be fine. :)
Congratulations on your book...I'll be stalking the 'J' section of my local Borders when it's published!

[tiye.livejournal.com]

My dad walked out about a week before I was born, if I recall the story correctly, and never showed any interest in me again. Knowing what I do of him, I often feel that it's for the best that he was never a part of my life. But thinking about it logically just doesn't help that much with these things sometimes . . .

[delle.livejournal.com]

But thinking about it logically just doesn't help that much with these things sometimes

That's very very profound and very very true.

I don't have any advice and I don't know that there *is* anything that can help. Because this kind of hurt is on a psychological/emotional leve. It's not as tho one can slap a bandaid on it and say "there, all better." It doesn't work that way.

*Knowing* what troubles you at this time of year can help with dealing with the emotional blues, I would think. Otherwise.... *sigh* Hang in there babe. ::hugs you:: As someone said above, you're smart and talented and hysterically funny and it's HIS loss that he doesn't know you.

And yeah, love the retribution that you're not putting HIS name on YOUR book. Who you are is due to YOU and your mom - he's naught but the sperm donor.

[takekammuri.livejournal.com]

Dear Cleo,

I know how you are always willing to use your journal for a good cause. This (http://www.petitiononline.com/21ian205/) may be a good cause. We all know how good Belgrade has been about human rights in the past, so i am trying to lend a helping hand here.

Do you think you could add a link to this in your linkspam section. I know that i at least go through all of them every day. Even if 30% of the people who follow your journal will sign it, it might have a significant impact.

Thank you very much.

Alex "Takekammuri" Luta.

P.S.:

X-posted with His Squishiness, Mr. Papa Vladimir.

[vladimirsever.livejournal.com]

Kitty!