(no subject)

[cleolinda]

I really like the new (I think it's new? I'm out of it) Kelly Clarkson song, which I insist on calling "Since [You've] Been Gone," because "U"? NO. Not only is it grammatically incorrect, but also: Only Prince gets to use "U," and that's after twenty years of working pretty hard for the privilege.

(Weird numerology fact, if you're into that: if you add 12 + 14 + 1978--my birthday--you get... 2004.)

Indulge me for a moment: 2004 is the first whole calendar year I've kept a Livejournal (I started this one in October 2003). If you're home and you feel like commenting between flipping between Regis and Seacrest, let me know in the comments 1) what your favorite entry from my journal was this year and 2) if applicable, which entry compelled you to friend me. (For most people, I'm thinking this will be a "Fifteen Minutes" post or a Lost recap, but maybe I'll be surprised.)

Hmm. New Year's resolutions. (Funny story. Y'all remember that "You Can't Do That On Television" show, I know you do. For years, I thought a "resolution" was a kind of drink, like a punch, because of some skit where the slobby dad "made his New Year's resolution" and then "drank too much." At the time, the way it was worded--well, I was a bright kid; I used me some o' them there context clues, and you can guess what I came up with.)

If I were really honest with myself--oh, look; I guess I'm doing it now--my one and only New Year's resolution would be, now and forever, DO IT. With possibly a corollary of DO IT NOW. I think, really, that I live a lot of my very safe, pleasant, overstuffed life in fear. What if I try it and I don't like it? What if they don't like me? What if I get there and I don't know what to say? What if I start and I can't finish? Or I do finish, and it's terrible?

I started thinking about all this because of theferrett's resolution entry, and as I commented over there, I think I've been in a strange New Year frame of mind for about two months now. In the last few weeks, I've just suddenly been trying new things--new music, new foods, new friends, new causes, new opportunities. I don't want to bring up the divisive specter of politics per se, but I really think it was all a spontaneous reaction to the election. I'm trying to tread carefully here, because I know there Republicans and/or Bush supporters on my friends list (I make the distinction because my parents, for example, are one but not the other), and I'm not trying to say that I had this righteous Democrat transformation, because I didn't. It was more just a realization that I didn't like the way things were being run by either side--by a particular generation, and the realization that my generation, one on the tail end of X and the forefront of Y, has come of age. And, as I wrote last month, I realized that I was so upset because I'd been hoping, subconsciously, that we could elect one man to fix all of this. And I think that part of becoming an adult is realizing that there's no such silver bullet. Milton was speaking of being a good Christian, but I think what he said applies to living any kind of good or successful life: in essence, the good path is one of constant effort, constant wariness, constant warfare. I hadn't taken up arms yet.

It's much more comfortable to believe nothing you do can make a difference, trust me. I found that out the hard way this year. If nothing you can do makes a difference, you're absolved of responsibility; it doesn't matter if you hang back or shy away, because your contribution amounts to zero whether you show up or not. Which is completely untrue, by the way. Once I realized that I could, in fact, make a difference, I suddenly started seeing everything in those terms: I couldn't fight the whole war, but I could fight in so many battles, I could set off so many domino reactions, and all of a sudden I was completely overwhelmed, because if I could, why wasn't I? It's almost addictive--you want to save everyone all the time, and the resulting hero complex, the guilt of being only one person who could be and should be doing so much but doesn't have enough hours in the day, is almost more paralyzing than the fear of stepping up and doing anything in the first place.

Taking all that into consideration, I think it's interesting that 2004 was such a good year for me, and it was mostly good because I did things spontaneously, just because I wanted to do them. Of course, then people discovered them--I'm thinking of my journal in general, "Movies in Fifteen Minutes," and the Lost recaps here--and suddenly I had a responsibility to keep doing them, and do them well, instead of just playing around off the record. It's the same fear you feel when you realize you can make a difference--it's the fear you feel when you realize somehow that you do matter, that people are watching, and that you have to keep going. It's not just me I'm talking about, not just my fear--it's the fear you feel when you fight to get into a good school or get a certain job, and then you get it, and now you have to back those promises up. It's the fear you feel when you've promised to love someone forever, and suddenly forever starts to look like an awfully long time. All of you matter--all of us matter--and not realizing it can be a lonely thing. Sometimes, though, a quiet shadow to hide in can also be a blessing.

And no, I haven't started drinking yet. It might sound like the fuzzy navels talking, but it's not. Yet.

Comments

[fba.livejournal.com]

I friended you *before* m15m because I thought you were cool.

You have yet to prove otherwise!

Blame brassyn......

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, that's why I said "if applicable," because some of y'all are old-school an' shit. ; )

[kaytethinks.livejournal.com]

I friended you back in March probably because of FT more than M15M and way before the Lost recaps started, though I enjoy them both. I don't know what my favourite entry would be, heh.

I'm glad you've had a good year, and hope 2005 is even better :)

[mrscience.livejournal.com]

Weird numerology fact, if you're into that: if you add 12 + 14 + 1978--my birthday--you get... 2004.)

*has no clue a bout numerology*
Well if i take my birthday of 07/07/1980, I get 1994, is that anything special

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I don't know--I just thought it was odd that my numbers added up to the exact year we're in right now.

[bombastic.livejournal.com]

I friended you the day you got a LiveJournal. Whoo yeah, beat that! :D

(Best entry...ugh, don't make me choose. So good!)

[bombastic.livejournal.com]

P.S. Yes, that is the new Kelly Clarkson song. You're up to date!

P.P.S. Happy New Year -- hope it's better than mine, which will be spent in bed with a sore throat. Hooray.

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Best entry? Hmm.

Could say a M15M. But you know we love those.

Could say LOST recaps, since they're the reason I watch the show now. But you know we love those.

I'm going to be weird then. I'm going to go with something that's not even technically on LJ.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the CrystalWank recaps on JF Metaquotes. A great service to fandom was done, and still cheers me up when I'm down.

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

Once I realized that I could, in fact, make a difference, I suddenly started seeing everything in those terms: I couldn't fight the whole war, but I could fight in so many battles, I could set off so many domino reactions, and all of a sudden I was completely overwhelmed, because if I could, why wasn't I?

I came to a similar conclusion last summer. It wasn't a sudden epiphany. It was more like thinking that someone needs to do something about this crap and then creeping realization that either I'm someone or I'm not.

And, in answer to an earlier part of your post, I friended you along with many X 10²⁵⁸ people over Troy in 15 minutes.

Happy New Year!

[tselmende.livejournal.com]

Well, it's hard to pick a favorite post, through the one that sticks out is the one about the problems with Phantom being a decent looking chap....

I've been reading your Movies in 15 minutes for awhile, I think, though I hesitate to say it, you are the same person who wrote the brillant secret diaries of all the LOTR people?

Anyway, I friended you because I found myself enjoying all of your entries, not just the Lost recaps and Movies in 15. :D

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, no--no, the Secret Diaries are written by Cassie Claire. I think her current journal is epicyclical. I do get compared to her a lot, though.

(And thanks. : )

[gryffindorkz.livejournal.com]

Hmm I remember reading HP in 15 minutes but that wasn't the reason I friended you, I came over here from M15M and saw that you were really cool so that was it :D.

I can't pick a favourite entry though since they all rock but I will be looking forward to reading the Lost recaps when it comes here in February.

[divabat.livejournal.com]

What she said :)

I really enjoy your entries where you try to organize something for a greater cause - be it the Alabama book bannings, or the recent tsunami crisis. You're very organized and clear-headed and you have brilliant ideas.

And that Phantom Of The Novella entry cracked me up XD

[arayuldaiel.livejournal.com]

I only started reading your journal in June after PoA m15m came out, but anyway:

I couldn't stop cackling at the "Bitches come alive when I call!" entry, which probably proves that I'm an immature teenager, but oh well.

Happy New Year!

[katiefoolery.livejournal.com]

Why did I friend you? It took me a while to summon up the courage, I have to say. I was new to LiveJournal and I wasn't quite sure how the friending thing worked. I think I must have come across your journal through writer_girls and was immediately attracted by the easy and ironically humorous way you wrote about things. You were my age, you were literate and you made me laugh. I finally took the plunge and friended you after I realised you'd put me on your friends list already. :)

I think my favourite post was the one I was thinking about yesterday, with your dogs and a chicken (I think). I honestly can't really remember the precise details (which is helpful...) but I do remember laughing myself silly at it and admiring your writing skills.

Have a fantastic 2005. "Do it" sounds like a great resolution to me. :)

[pygmymetal.livejournal.com]

It's the fear you feel when you've promised to love someone forever, and suddenly forever starts to look like an awfully long time.

I think that's what freaked my ex out. :*/ Forever is a long time and you shouldn't promise something you don't feel you can deliver. Ah, I'm maudlin tonight. *sigh*

If I were really honest with myself--oh, look; I guess I'm doing it now--my one and only New Year's resolution would be, now and forever, DO IT. With possibly a corollary of DO IT NOW.

I know I've taken these out of order from your original post but it makes sense to me. I reached that point 4 years ago. And my ex has not. You are very courageous and god I wish I'd done that when I was your age, I've wasted so much time. But not anymore. I shan't waste time anymore.

let me know in the comments 1) what your favorite entry from my journal was this year and 2) if applicable, which entry compelled you to friend me. (For most people, I'm thinking this will be a "Fifteen Minutes" post or a Lost recap, but maybe I'll be surprised.)

1) I think the Van Helsing entry would be my favorite, if you push me. ;)

2) I don't recall exactly what you did that compelled me to add you to my friends list. I know I commented on it that I just found you were an incredibly talented writer who I enjoyed reading. And that is rare and a gift. Both you and Vladimir write intimately and welcoming posts and it feels as if you're sitting on the sofa next to my mound of flesh known as a cat and you're just shooting the breeze with me. Good comfy friends.

You're awesome, Cleo. Have a lovely New Year and know you are loved by so many people.

[inkytwist.livejournal.com]

After PoA in 15 min came out, I friended m15m, waiting until your declaration of "Hey y'all! Nothing's here! Friend my journal!!"

and I'm very glad I did! ^_^

[missbingley.livejournal.com]

I friended you, like, way back in the day, before you came a celebrity. I don't think it was for any specific entry, just all around luff:)

Happy happy New Year!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

It was totally a Fametracker love affair between us, baby. : )

[savvyfairy.livejournal.com]

You friended me after reading a review of my journal somewhere. I loved the first M15M (Van Helsing, if I recall correctly?) and I'm so happy that you have the "readership of a small country" because your entries are always great to read, and I always look forward to the Lost recaps.

Anyhow, happy new year!

[collie-wing.livejournal.com]

I friended you cause I did one of those "Friend of a Friend" meme deal thing. And then I saw that you had good grammar and spelling (a rarity in society!) and that you liked Phantom of the Opera. So I friended you cause I like friending like-minded people.

Didn't even know about "Movies in Fifteen Minutes" when I did. Just Phantom-induced friending here. :D

[marumae.livejournal.com]

Hmmm I would have to say my favorite entry is something I browsed back and read through your journals. A couple of your Days of Our Lives recaps were damn hilarious (damn why can't I stop watching that show >_>)

Well I read a couple M15M and browsed through to your journal and I liked what I saw, I mostly lurk in friends journals but...you know v_v;

[scarolinagrl.livejournal.com]

I started reading your journal after Troy's m15m, but I didn't friend it then. Just lurked in and out.

I think it was after reading a post about the dead bird and your dogs that got me hooked for sure. I laughed until I cried at you trying to get the dead bird off of the porch. ;-) (not sure if it was a current entry or you had linked to a past entry in a post...something like that)

[miladygrey.livejournal.com]

While M15M cemented my affection for you (Stabination!), and the "Lost" recaps added to it immeasurably (I routinely refer to Shannon as "Snickerbitch" now, and Boone as "Luxemboone"), I believe the very first entry of yours I read had "Novellas of the Night" in it. Which I promptly printed out and taped above my desk, so I can hum it whenever I have writer's block.

[loesaurus.livejournal.com]

I friended you because I heard good things about your writing, and the HP m15m was the best ever. :)
Here's to 2005!

[rinabeana.livejournal.com]

I can't remember how I came across your journal, though I think it was right around the time you created the m15m community. I was probably bored at work and puttering around LJ looking for HP funnies. I did love PoA in 15 minutes, btw! My favorite is definitely Troy though. I know that's unoriginal and everyone loves that one, but it's damn funny! I also started watching Lost as soon as it premiered and I nearly died laughing when I read your first recap. My roommate was reading it on her computer and I was reading it on mine and we were yelling between rooms. Yep, we're dorks...

[kassandra05.livejournal.com]

I think my favorite post is still "Van Helsing in 15 Minutes". Not necessarily because I think it is the funniest thing I've read in your journal, but because of the circumstance in which I found it. I was visiting some friends who I don't get to see often enough and one of them read it aloud to me. She was laughing so hard that she had a hard time reading it coherently. The next day, we went to see it in the theater and got some odd looks when we couldn't quite stifle the laughter during inappropriate moments. At least, that is how I remember it.

As for why I friended you, that was due to a combination of things. First off because you found me (as minion_of_truth) funny enough to metaquote me several times during The Great Wank of '04 over on F_W. This endeared you to me greatly. Then of course there was the Van Helsing post and the Troy post and everything that followed. But the reason I've stuck around is because, as someone else has already said, reading your journal is like listening to a friend talk. You are smart and funny. I like the way your mind works. You make me think about things I might normally not think about.

So, in summation, you make me laugh and you make me think. That is why I read your journal.

[prncssaurora.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess I'm one of the relatively new kids, since I just friended you in June-ish, after following a link posted with your POA M15M on an HP fansite. ONE of my favorite posts was the Novellas of the Night entry. Classic.

Also, I wanted to say that people using "U" in song titles is probably one of my most hated things ever. That, and "2" or "4". Which is why when Britney came out with "I'm a Slave 4 U" I nearly spontaneously combusted.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

1. I don't really know. The Lost recaps are all pretty great. I think it might be when you started organizing the fight against The Worst Bill Ever, though.

2. I'd been lurking and laughing for ages, and then you were talking about Homeland Security stopping that eighteen wheeler on the interstate, and I realized you were in Alabama. That was the entry that compelled me to friend you because, well, we've got to stick together, we sane Alabamians.

[vampychick.livejournal.com]

1a. Also, Novellas of the Niiiiiiiiight.

[captainsblog.livejournal.com]

One. You're a fairly recent arrival on the good ship Friend, so we're looking at November onward. Probably your good work exposing the Alabamophobia of that Allen dude. It was persuasive, persitent and with a following like yours might even make a difference.

B. I think I was vaguely aware of your existence from major Metaquoting, as quotee if not quoter, but seeing your name again and again on my own variagated Friends lists finally won me over. It has been a good winning.

So now maybe you will see your official year-end props:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/captainsblog/80186.html

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

In re: the question of why I friended you.
Well, I found you via King Arthur in 15 Minutes, which remains my favorite of the recaps (possibly b/c I had just seen the movie so it was v. fresh in mind).
I friended you after reading a few entries on your journal which as far as I remember weren't 15-m related and were definitely before LOST started. But entries such as the "I AM AN ARTEEST" entry put you and keep you on my list.

Also (unrelated), I think I commented this before, but did you ever get a package from me? I didn't track it and you didn't mention it so I wondered if it got lost. Oh dear.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

OMG I can't believe I forgot! I just got it yesterday--I don't check my PO box but once or twice a week. Thank you so much, it's lovely!