(no subject)

[cleolinda]

Arrrrrgh. Movie parodies were so much easier to do when I was doing them instead of things I was supposed to be doing. Granted, I’ve always done on-the-fly research for almost everything I write, if only because you can only use the word “thingy” so many times. Random things I’ve had to look up today:

H4x0r/l33t speak
Bill & Ted quotes
text RPGs
Baudrillard
file extension names
Buddhism
Hare Krishnas
the works of Lewis Carroll
the Matrix script itself
virus cures

(Dumb question: Can you actually cure a virus? Generally, whenever I’ve come down with a cold that was determined to be viral rather than bacterial, the doctor’s basically told me to wait it out because there’s not much he can do about it. Come to think of it, I can think of several viral STDs you can treat but not cure. Anyone with medical expertise care to weigh in?)

Am still struggling with what I mentally call the “Grandma or Profanity?” issue. I mean, there’s a consistent level of what you might call prime-time television profanity, because the movies themselves use that, at the very least. But occasionally I think of something (I think is) really funny, and it just flunks the Grandma test on every level, and I don’t know what to do. Because yeah, my grandmother is going to want to read it, but as a few commenters here have pointed out, a lower profanity level opens the book up to a wider audience, so it’s not a completely personal/emotional concern. Fnarrr.

Comments

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

I'd say keep the profanity level somewhere around the level used in the movie you're parodying. Unless it's really, really funny.

Medical advice!

[channonyarrow.livejournal.com]

There is no cure for any virus at all. Wait, wait, wait, and maybe eliminate symptoms, but that's why things like viral herpes recur. And EVERYTHING, from acne to cancer, is a virus, I swear to freaking god.

Well, okay, so for cancer, it's a sucky virus and not infectious at all, but the last I heard (1999) that was some of the thinking in the medical establishment, that it was partially viral.

Re: Medical advice!

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Okay, see, that's what I thought, that you can't cure viruses. Which makes Agent Smith's whole thing about "You are the virus and we are the cure" either really, really dumb or... insightful on a level I am not willing to credit the Wachowskis with.

[starr234.livejournal.com]

Totally unrelated to anything you said in your entry, but someone tried to hire me to pick up Marilyn Manson at the Toronto airport and give him a ride to a film convention in Toronto last week. I am not a resident of Toronto. I am not a professional driver. I have no idea why I was pegged for this job. I had to turn it down because I had commitments that day, but damn, that would have made a good story.

Now it just kind of makes a pointless story, though. I apologize for sharing.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

For serious? That is delightfully random. I don't even listen to MM, like, ever--the "Rock Is Dead" song just plays over the Matrix credits, and it's grown on me like a damn fungus.

[kittygopounce.livejournal.com]

I'm not claiming medical expertise, but my understanding is that if something is viral, you can't take antibiotics for it, because antibiotics work against abctierial infections, of which viral is not (well, duh). But ... that said, my family by and large visit a traditional Chinese doctor which means we get dosed with herbs - which are neither specifically anti-viral or bacterial, but most often a boost to the immune system and relief of symptoms - which tend to help your body kick the thing over in a few days. Anyway, the point is, (from my medically ignorant stand-point, lol) I don't think you can cure viral infections but only treat the symptoms.

[futureperfect.livejournal.com]

You had to look up Baudrillard? I feel for you!

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

if you need more virus info, i can ask my med-student roommate next time she's awake. Let me know!

[alitaorg.livejournal.com]

your icon is super-intriguing. is it a quote?

[stavia.livejournal.com]

Grandmothers are a lot less offendable than they might appear on the surface. I don't think it's nearly as easy to embarrass an old woman as it is to embarrass a young one.

A long time ago, when I was maybe 19, I bought a t-shirt in Arizona that said "I don't smoke dope, chew rope, dance, prance, romance, fight, fart, fuck, shoot the shit, or drive a truck. I've been to Maine, Spain, Spokane, around the world three times, two world's fairs, and seen goats fuck in the market place. But I ain't never seen no shit like this."

I thought it was hilarious--still do--and since my grandmother was with us my dad made me show it to her. She laughed out loud. I was WAY more embarrassed than she was.

So basically the point is, unless your grandmother really is a sheltered soul, she's heard worse than anything you can come up with in the course of parodying a movie, and anything you write she'll be proud of you for.

[(Anonymous)]

You cannot cure a virus with antibiotics---however, an antiviral can definately take down the numbers significantly enough for your body to manage or get rid of with its own immune system. Usually, though, antivirals are rather expensive and only used if an illness is especially severe or chronic. I'm sure you've seen commercials for the antiviral Valtex and herpes, which is a virus. And while I'm pretty sure acne is bacterial, some viruses like HPV can predispose you to cancer, especially if you're immune-deficient. And the curable STDs are bacterial. The ones the keep on giving are viral.

[gniko.livejournal.com]

Sometimes they can "cure" viruses if they* are able to determine the receptor site on the type of cell the virus attacks and then use a "dead" virus to block up the sites and stop "living" viruses from attaching and doing their virus thing.

This blanket stock image (http://www2.bc.cc.ca.us/bio16/images/lyticcycle.jpg) used in every bio textbook I've seen at least once shows how a virus replicates. Something like that thing in Blade where the blue stuff they inject into vampires makes them bloat and explode? sorta.

There's a lot of research (http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct/gui/show/NCT00001648) into this receptor bit, but it can only ever be used to prevent future infection as viruses are just a simple protein container filled with genetic information and you can't really use some agent that destroys the virus, without also destroying living cells/killing patients ;)

I so wanted to be an immunologist but I'm a poor boy from poor family so watch me bus tables!

Wait, he's still typing?

[gniko.livejournal.com]

Oh, the dead/living virus thing - scientists/doctors/they can remove the genetic informaiton in viruses (the nucleus) and be left with just the empty shell. The shell is just a bunch of protein that bonds to specific areas of cells (receptors) and if you inject someone with a bunch of these "dead" viruses (immunization) the living viruses, ones still with their little nuclei intact, can't attach to the cells and can't replicate and you don't get sick.

Until the virus mutates (http://users.rcn.com/jkimball.ma.ultranet/BiologyPages/M/Mutations.html)* ( the DNA or RNA is altered so that the virus itself is different ) and produces a new strain that can attach to cells elsewhere and get you the same sick, or worse, or not at all.

* mutations in humans lead to birth defects, alzheimer's, parkinson's, sickle cell anemia, lesch-nyhan syndrome, etc. And to new adaptations, that whole "survival of the fittest" bit, or natural selection is just the organisms that mutated to survive new situations and their domination of the species as the other non-mutated forms die out.

[24-centuries.livejournal.com]

Regarding the "Grandma" issue --

I work with two women -- both in late sixties. I have talked with them about everything from my slash to the first vibrator. Sailors would threaten to wash their mouths out with soap. They, in general, rock =D

Someone mentioned to keep within the context of the movie. Heaps of swearing -- okay to swear. Not so much swearing -- try to think of even more clever ways to say it. *shrugs*

l337!! =D I used to be proficient but my grammar-whore-ness won out and I banished it from my head =\ I can go through my old favourites if you need some sites. Can't guarantee they'll still be up but I can check for you =)

On viruses

[shanisasha.livejournal.com]

Technically, there is no cure for a virus. What you generally do is you create antibodies against it. Antibodies attach to the surface of a virus and prevent its entrance into the cells. No entrance, no infection.

If the virus DOES make it into the cell, you have a few resources. There are some proteins called metalloproteases that can be activated in response to viral entry. They basically rampage through the cell and chop the viral proteins to bits, sometimes along with normal proteins. In the end, cell go boom, virus go boom.

Another option is the so called RISC complex, which is present in normal cells and recognizes double stranded mRNA (present as the genetic material of some viruses, but rarely, if ever, present in a normal cell). RISC then goes on to destroy all mRNA that resembled the double stranded mRNA it found. No viral mRNA, no viral proteins, no virus.

Adenoviral cancer treatment = adenovirus is one of the families of viruses responsible for the common cold, amongst others. There is a protein in normal cells called p53, which is responsible for detecting and controlling changes caused by cancer. A high percentage of cancers lack p53, so the cells have no control. Adenovirus have their own protein, E3, which can inhibit p53. Without E3, cellular p53 can kill adenoviruses (they activate cancer-like mechanisms). The theory is that for p53-null cancers, where p53 is missing, you could use a modified adenovirus, lacking E3. Cells without p53 (cancer cells) would be destroyed, while normal cells, those with p53, would survive.

Hope that helps some.

Re: On viruses

[shanisasha.livejournal.com]

Slight addition

Most antivirus treatments are proteases, molecules dedicated to destroying viral proteins; entry blockers, dedicated to obstructing the entrance of the virus into the cells; or capsule blockers: viruses usually have a capsule around them that has to break to release the contents of the virus into the cells, otherwise, there wont be any infection.

[jonnorthwood.livejournal.com]

My two cents (adjusted for inflation): write it both ways, submit them both to your editor. Advise them that you prefer (x) fashion, but you think (y) has greater audience appeal (due to the 'grandma' test), and let them have the final say. That way you have the version that 'works', and the version that's salable. Who knows, there may be a mass release of the one, with a limited release of the 'unexpurgated version'.

Good luck. :)

[gypsy88.livejournal.com]

... bill and ted? and you're listening to marilyn manson?

I think that you are awesome.


And the prfanity? Eh. go with the flow.

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Well, he was speaking metaphorically anyways. He can say how stinky and evil we are until the next reboot, but we're still mammals. Viruses don't lactate. So we're mammals, not viruses.

I think any profanity that was in the film is fair game. As for offending your grandma, I couldn't tell you what nuances and lines you can cross, because my grandma is offended by reruns of "America's Funniest Home Videos".

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

H4x0r/l33t speak

What is that? I'm sorry I'm slow....

In other news, I think that forcing yourself to be funny is probably pretty difficult. Standup comics, for instance, don't just, you know, bust out with ten minutes of funny, or whatever; they work at it. And that's probably pretty difficult. Meanwhile, the rest of us are, you know, the hypercritical snarky bastards that we are.

Watch Matrix, and be funny, dammit! BECAUSE YOUR FANS SAY SO!!!!! :-D

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

Yeah, as a stand-up comic, I can attest to that. My best ideas come to me while I'm trying to sleep. So there you go. Be funny or rest. It's Sophie's choice.

uh

[breadfan7.livejournal.com]

I think the Wachowski's are the virus. And there is no cure. Except to not watch the sequels of the Matrix.

While i think all this info on viruses is cool, I also think that Smith was just trying to relate his theory to Neo in a way he could understand. Technically, Viruses arent alive ( i think) All they do is reproduce themselves. Maybe Im wrong. Cool thought though, that movie Code 46 ( or was it 54?..or 7?) with Tim Robbins is set in the future where viruses are used to transmit data. For instance, say you wanted to learn Kung-fu in 2 seconds like Neo, dont bother with that old 'scary-computer-jack-to-the-head' method. Just infect yourself with the Kung-fu virus.
Also, I read an article somewheres where the scientist types are trying to make a computer that uses DNA to store memory. Now I went and scared myself again...hold me....

[http://users.livejournal.com/___destijl/]

I know far too many Bill & Ted quotes for my own good, now that I think about it. My sister and I like to go back and forth.


...now that I think about it, we like to do that for Empire Records too.

to the future

[istoo.livejournal.com]

umm Hello. Maybe because it's in a future reality, there may have found a 'cure' or two for some viruses (or is it viri?). As they seem to have anti-gravity, artificial intelligence, the ability to harness the power of basically couch potatoes, and maybe stuff like soylent green.
Although might have to wonder where the extra energy is coming from into a maybe closed system without sunlight. Or something. (Where's the science bit?)

[kotszok.livejournal.com]

My dad says you can't cure a virus. You can cure a sickness. What you can do with a visus is either kill it (obviously destroy it somehow) or just live with it. So yeah... he's a doctor, by the way! lol *sheepish laugh*

H4x0r/l33t speak

I'm too stupid to figure out what that says... PLEASE explain. I've been fighting with that ever since the first time I saw it.

[kotszok.livejournal.com]

My dad says you can't cure a virus. You can cure a sickness. What you can do with a visus is either kill it (obviously destroy it somehow) or just live with it. So yeah... he's a doctor, by the way! lol *sheepish laugh*

I just read that over. Can we say "Bimbo of the Year"? I have no idea how I managed to write that. Let's just forget I posted that. lol We stay with what people have stated above:

-A virus cannot be cured. It can be treated, destroyed (I'm trying to figure out how) or lived with.

-I have no idea why I added that my dad is a doctor. Is it because my 13-year-old sister's I-Am-Stupid-Cooties *wink wink* have just come to attaaaaack meeeeeeeee-*gasp*

[yarha.livejournal.com]

Many vaccines are of the 'killed virus' form. I presume there is a method for 'killing' the suckers. Radiation comes to mind. Can't remember if viruses are technically alive, though.

Yarha, Doctor but Not an M.D.

[shanisasha.livejournal.com]

extreme heat, and extreme cold as used, for the most part. Since virii are not 'technically' alive, then they cant be killed. Usually, 'killed virus' vaccines are made from parts of the viral coat and some viral proteins. Attenuated virus vaccines are made by making the virus replicate in different systems until it can no longer infect humans. Those are the so called 'live virus' vaccines, since the virus is intact, just inactive.

Sash - biochemist by trade, virologist by curiosity

[judas-river.livejournal.com]

H4x0r/l33t speak

I think "l33t speak" is properly called "1337", but I'm no expert, so don't quote me on that. The second entry on this (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=1337) page has an alphabet-translation key.

virus cures

I haven't seen any of the Matrix movies, so I may be wrong about this. However, from what you're saying, I believe Agent Smith was not talking about humans as either a "real" virus or a computer virus. I think he was using "virus" (and "cancer" and "plague") in a metaphorical sense, as in "Crime is a virus/cancer/plague in our cities". Using this meaning, a "cure" is something that gets rid of or destroys the "virus". In which case, Smith was saying that humans are a pestilence that has to be wiped out, and machines are going to be the ones doing the cleaning.

P.S. The plural of "virus" is "viruses" (http://www.cknow.com/vtutor/vtplural.htm)

[shanisasha.livejournal.com]

but viri's funnier ^^

[okie-dokie.livejournal.com]

hey cleo. I joined you community "movies in fifteen minutes" and it said that I had to "contact you". ok, so... I'm contacting you.
ok, I hope that's enough of contact.
kisses. : ****

[pygmymetal.livejournal.com]

I'm amazed in 56 quotes, no one has thought that perhaps Smith meant virus a la computer virus? 'The Matrix' is virtual reality.

But then again, I could be wrong. ;)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's been brought up, trust me.

[rachnye.livejournal.com]

What is your icon of? I have a guess, but I want to make sure...

(and don't worry, your Grandma will be proud of you whatever you do. Oh wait, is she Baptist?)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Southern Baptist.

[brett-the-vet.livejournal.com]

Nope, can't cure a virus. If you find a way to do so you'll be in lots and lots of money. You can prevent a lot of them pretty easily with vaccines and you can "treat" some of them with anti-virals, but no cures that I know of.