(no subject)

[cleolinda]

I've heard from a few people at the very least that it's interesting to peek inside the process of writing a book. If this totally bores you, email me and I'll give you the names of those people so you can go beat them up.

Watched Braveheart, Jurassic Park, and Independence Day today. No worries about the DVDs--went to Best Buy and got some nice $9.99 bare-bones editions of JP, ID, and Titanic. (Titanic special features? "Interactive menus." Hoo, boy, hold me back!)

Actually, the Independence Day DVD has two versions of the movie, one with nine extra minutes, and is rather spiff--or would be, if I actually liked the movie. Anyone know what's in the special edition? Because I was not in the mood to try and divine what they'd added in the ten years since I'd seen the theatrical version. I mean, it's a fun movie and all, and it was actually one of the best audience experiences I've had in a theater--it was literally July 4th, and half the audience seemed toasted even though it was only early afternoon--but it gets pretty ham-handed in places. Like, any time Randy Quaid or the dog are onscreen.

It's also been fun watching the movies with the English subtitles on--well, the subtitles on JP suck, because they take up a random quarter of the screen at any given time, but the other movies' subtitles have the decency to chillax down on the lower black widescreen bar. I did finally discover that William Wallace shouts "Alba gu bra!" at some point, but damn if I know what that means.

(Also: Mel Gibson really does have a Jesus complex, doesn't he?)

So. Tomorrow I watch Titanic, and then I will officially be out of time to stall. I'm getting a little worried about this whole enterprise--well, a lot worried--but, you know, sitting on my ass and worrying about it doesn't do any good. I may as well worry while I type up notes.

What I've decided to do is order the movies chronologically, which gives us a nice 1993-2003 span, and also ends the book with Lord of the Rings, which will clearly be the longest section. I set up a nice little My Movies category at the IMDB so I can have the info pages at hand, and the IMDB has provided me with the following list:

1993 Jurassic Park
1995 Braveheart
1997 Titanic
1999 The Matrix
2000 Gladiator
2001 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
2002 Spider-Man
2002 Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones
2003 Lord of the Rings (2001-2003)

I'm going to write a brief little italicized intro to go in front of each movie, sort of recounting the reception the movie had on its initial release, the effect it had (or did not have) on the culture. Not only will this contextualize the movies, which I'm actually pretty well-equipped to do since I ran run a movie news site, but it pads up my word count, and that's always good.

The actual process of writing the parodies is going to be a lot more haphazard, because that's the way I write anyway. Basically, I took some scattered notes while I watched the movies, only if something interesting occurred to me (Gladiator: entire pages of blank space) , and I'll start typing those up first. Whatever catches my imagination in the process gets written first, and even then I have a tendency to wander around a bit.

(I was fortunate enough to find six pages I'd written for Return of the King a while back, so I'm already a bit ahead of the game.)

Also, we've begun the argument of how much "obscenity," as my mother puts it, to include. Keep in mind that this is a polished, professional working woman, Baptist, and mother of two... who has no problem shouting "MOVE, ASSHOLE!" when traffic gets a mite slow. (She's anti-obscenity for the book at this point.) And then there's her mother, the genteel church-mouse type who would be horrified by, let's say, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in Fifteen Minutes." And then there's Vladimir, who argues that I shouldn't censor myself. And then there are the movies themselves, which actually have, you know, sex scenes and beheadings and curse words. And my British publisher might be fine with anything I say, while whatever American publisher I get might want to tone things down. Meanwhile, "Everyone sit down and shut the goddamn hell up!" still makes me smile. So I have no idea. I have a feeling as to what y'all would vote, but... well.

P.S. Cat-bitten hand has not fallen off yet. Actually, looks pretty good, considering.

Comments

[muffytaj.livejournal.com]

Go with whatever is funniest to you. Seriously, don't worry about it, unless you're going to be having 'fucks' and 'cunts' all over the place.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't use "cunt" at all--I have to seriously, seriously be angry with someone before I pull that one out. I'm a little too fond of "fuck," unfortunately, and I'm trying to cut down on that. (Does "OMGWTF" count?)

[ter369.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile, "Everyone sit down and shut the goddamn hell up!" still makes me smile

I almost lost it during the shutters-slamming scene when I saw the movie again.

Because what you're doing - and the reason the profanity and porno references and the props' actions tell the tale - is you are writing the subtext of the movies.

That's what parody is. It always works on two levels: retelling the spine of events and then commenting on them.

And if you censor yourself? The writing will be weak.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I'm thinking that I'll pretty much just do my thing and maybe weed out some of the profanity at the editing stage. Still... I have no patience for whitewash words like "fudge" and "shoot." I mean, cuss hard or go home. So if I end up toning it down, I'll have to think of completely different things to say.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

On profanity: with something like this, which seems to be scaled toward the "light intelligencia comedic" crowd--the Droll Chuckle market, if you will--stick to the Carlin Seven (http://www.erenkrantz.com/Humor/SevenDirtyWords.shtml) rule. Might want to soften "goddamn" for plain "damn," or omit it entirely (although hey, I think that line's funny too).

As for material that's inherant to the plot of the original films--sex and beheadings and curse words, o my!--fuggedaboutit. People who read the book will no doubt have seen the movies; if it didn't scandalise them in the theatres, it's not going to shock them in cold print.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Huh... I always wondered which seven words they were, because I'd never heard/seen the actual Carlin bit. But he is so right--why the hell is "tits" on there? Damn.

Amen

[catinatuxsurfin.livejournal.com]

shes right. besides, whatever you do, im sure the book will turn out great. 8)

Re: Amen

[catinatuxsurfin.livejournal.com]

oh yeah and by "she," i meant muffytaj.

[highlystrung.livejournal.com]

Wow. *bows to the master* I'm impressed.

Any time I try to do sustained comedic, I feel totally under pressure and fizzle out. (Of course, any time I try to do serious/dramatic/angsty/anything other than comedy I end up parodying myself because it's all so absurd. ... I need a life XD)

I would say write it all out completely as it comes to you and worry about censoring later. If it writes wit swearwords, so be it. But if you write and it's fairly low-key, that's good too. Let the publishers worry about the market. ;) (Which says a lot about what i know about the book writing process ... XD)

Anyway, can't wait to read your stuff. Of course, normally I'd be CURSING the fact that I must aid in the happiness of others by spending PRECIOUS MONEY on ill-bred humourness ... But I think I'm a little sick.

So keep it up, and a toast to the well-paying masses!!

XD

XD

[catinatuxsurfin.livejournal.com]

.....XD

[ambshe.livejournal.com]

Write the book just like your wrote the other m15m's. Write them for you and for us. Write it the way you think it sounds the funniest. I'd think you'd regret it if you censored yourself. I mean if you write it and then the publishers ask you to tone it down fine but don't start over analyzing what you think they're not going to like before you even write the thing.

[thesaneminority.livejournal.com]

I liked the way you wrote the "15 minutes" as they are. The anacronisms can be worked out, though I'd talk to your publisher to see if they can reasonably be included. As for the profanity levels... Hell, the swearing's fine. You haven't inundated your writing with cuss words so often that the readers' collective toes will curl.

And I assume you are going to update us as to when you are published, correct? Because I'd be very interested in buying a copy of the book.

[gniko.livejournal.com]

I went and saw King Arthur finally tonight, practically the last week it was showing too - I don't know if I actually heard "I keel you myself!" or if it's from you. And, "I won't let them rape you" got the biggest response I'd ever heard in that empty of a theater ;)

[edda.livejournal.com]

Your mom and grandma sound roughly equivalent to mine, except we're Methodists and mom isn't religious so much as concerned about keeping up appearances (although the two certainly go hand-in-hand throughout the South.) And I know all about the self-censoring business, and I say the hell with it, go for broke.

[srallen.livejournal.com]

Also: Mel Gibson really does have a Jesus complex, doesn't he?

Certainly a martyr complex, which is close enough for government work.

I read that in the movie Payback (I have a thing for revenge flicks) he practically booted the initial director because Mel wanted one more scene shot: he wanted to be tortured more than the script initially called for.

*blink*

Ew?

[silverhill.livejournal.com]

I'd say don't censor yourself. Sometimes a "fuck" makes a line so much funnier. And I have never thought you've been gratuitous in use of obscenities.

How much will you have to change your style for the book? Like, will there be stuff like "OMGWTF" and *does something*? Or do you have to make it for an audience that might not be familiar with those conventions?

[(Anonymous)]

I stumbled on this blog and its attachments not knowing any of this computer-speak that's thrown around so freely, and I do just fine in m15m. The *action* thing is pretty self-evident, and is so prevalent I don't know how it could be taken out without crippling the writing. Besides, those are some of the funniest lines to me.
The 'plzthnx', 'omgwtf', 'btw' are readily understandable--I mean, the reason they're abbreviated is they're common phrases, right? The only one I had to have explained to me was 'ph3ar' (or however it's spelt). So don't worry about it.
And I don't know if this is computer-speak or cleolinda lingo, but I love the coinages: killative, stabnation, etc. They really add to the tone.
To summarize: DON'T CHANGE A THING. We love you and your stuff as is.
~silverleaf

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

On a somewhat different topic, you should go see THE VILLAGE. OMG. It's the first movie I've ever seen in which a single screening garnered both a spontaneous warning not to see it while on the escalator to the theatre, and spontaneous verbal hatred from the audience during the show:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rachelmanija/44597.html?mode=reply

[arayuldaiel.livejournal.com]

Whoa, Jurassic PArk came out when I was two? K, feeling out of place now.

Anyway, I don't think you should censor yourself. Most people will get the 'OMGWTF', methinks. And I agree, the Snape line is sooo incredibly funny :D

[tania.livejournal.com]

"Everyone sit down and shut the goddamn hell up!"

DUDE! You can't leave that out! It's gold! <:)

[maelorin]

i'd start by writing what you want to write.

if the publisher wants to suggest amendments, let them. (and ask for reasons/justifications - they can be very illuminating. the why's and wherefore's very between publishers as well as markets.)

my aud$0.05's worth.

[fba.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Is the UK edition going to have the UK title?

I'm sure you've got plenty of mileage out of the title change already :)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I'm assuming they'll use the UK title--unless I actually work that into the parody as a joke and they're forced to keep it. MUAHAHAHA!

[telcontar.livejournal.com]

On the netspeak bits... I don't think they should really be a problem in this day and age. I mean, if they can convert poetry into AOL speak and sell it as a book, then you're being a perfect little grammar queen by comparison.

Besides, "WTF" has a certain irascible charm that the full phrase can't pull off.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

That's exactly how I feel about "OMG"--which I pronounce "omigah."

[decor-noctis.livejournal.com]

The "obscenity" is not without a purpose it adds to the whole thing. it just makes something that's already funny funnier. it's not like there's a fuck or shit every other line is it?
e.g of the funniness of "obscenity": HECTOR: The loser gets a proper burial
ACHILLES: fuck you
HECTOR: We let Patroclus have a proper burial!!
ACHILLES: Fuck. You.
i think you should keep it in, do what you want. especially cos i'll be getting the british version and our publishers are so much more leniant.
As for the internet type acronyms. it works. it wouldn't be as funny without them. still funny, just not as funny. Like, in PoA, "OMGWTFHEDWIG!!" just works.

[megaleena.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I've not read all the comments (cuz, y'know, there's hundreds an all!) so this might have aleady been covered but what the hell, I'll say it anyway!

Write what you think is funny, because generally, it is. We've seen that in the MIFM you've aloready done and hell, it's the reason you've been asked to write the book! So write them as you would if you were putting them on the net, including the acronyms because really, that's where your first audience is. You can always been in the foreword a little explanation for it all.




(PS. I can't believe I'm giving 'advice' to a soon-to-be-published author!! I want credit, y'hear me?!)

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

I did finally discover that William Wallace shouts "Alba gu bra!" at some point, but damn if I know what that means.

Given my very brief study of Scots Gaelic, I would guess it means the same thing as "Erin go bragh!" (or however it's spelled), but, as you say, damn if I know what that means.

[musikologie.livejournal.com]

Checking in to confirm... "Alba gu bra" means "Scotland forever".

[duncanneko.livejournal.com]

As has already been said - it's the editors' job to tone down the cussin' if need be, so let them do it :)

Regarding 'net slang, you could always do a (suitably tounge-in-cheek), uh, 'glossary' of OMGWTFness at the back... "For normal, sensible people who have no idea WTF we're on about..."

I now want to buy this book just for Braveheart in 15 Minutes, to see how many bad kilt and bagpipe jokes you can find in there. It must be a lot.

[rockstargrrrl.livejournal.com]

Don't censor yourself. If you came up with a joke that was funny-yet-profane and you didn't put it in for the sake of whoever, I think you'd be cheating yourself.

IMHO

[ulicqel-droma.livejournal.com]

At the basis of all writing is truth.

This is why I don't get pseudonyms. If you're not using your true name you're not being true to yourself and the writing will suffer. There are truths you see in these movies, incredibly freakin' funny ones, and you need to convey them exactly as you perceive them, regardless of what language devices you have to use.

Your writing style has a feel of spontinaety, and if you pause to censor yourself it might fall apart. Sure, you'll go back and change/edit stuff after you're done, but if a word like "fuck" or "goddamn" slips into the stream of consciousness, leave it there. Your subconscious spat the word onto the page for a reason.

Just my $.02. It's not like I'm an expert on writing or anything.

*gazes longingly at his still-unpublished manuscript*

[lothos.livejournal.com]

Pretty cool all around!

[foresthouse.livejournal.com]

From what I have read of your parodies, it seems you have a pretty good handle on how far to go and when to stop, obscenity-wise. And that Snape line kills me too - I say go with your funniness instincts.

Also, looks like a good list, although I cringe about Spiderman. I guess I'm just a comic book geek, but I love that movie and don't think I want to see it made fun of...but I'm sure it will be hilarious.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad--there are some movies on the list that I absolutely love, and really, I'm not necessarily saying that this or that is a bad movie. I mean, I'm having a field day with the mountains of exposition at the beginning of FOTR, when in reality it's somewhat necessary and actually really well handled. What I'm really making fun of is the fact that this is just how movies work, and those conventions in and of themselves, no matter how well done, are funny compared to real life.