CRIMSON PEAK CRIMSON PEAK CRIMSON PEAK

[cleolinda]

THIS MOVIE IS THE LIGHT OF MY FUCKING LIFE

I HAVEN'T BEAMED THROUGH AN ENTIRE MOVIE LIKE THAT SINCE MIA WASIKOWSKA WAS ALSO IN JANE EYRE

MAJOR SPOILERS

EDITH CUSHING IS THE PROVERBIAL CINNAMON ROLL TOO GOOD, TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD AND I ADORE HER

(SHE IS A WRITER AND IT IS META AS FUCK)

(cinemavine.com)

MIA'S WARDROBE IS LITERALLY, IN THE LITERAL SENSE OF LITERALLY, 76% NIGHTGOWNS

I NEED HER CROCHET SHAWL-ROBE

BEST COSTUME OSCARS 2016

TOM HIDDLESTON IS PERFECT AND THIS CHARACTER WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED WITH ANYONE ELSE

MY GOD, THE WALTZ WITH THE CANDLE

OH MY GOD HE PROPOSES TO HER WITH A SPEECH THEY ADAPTED FROM JANE EYRE

M Y F A V O R I T E B O O K

I FUCKING SWOONED

I WENT IN COLD AND STILL GUESSED EVERY SINGLE THING THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

I MEAN THAT AS A COMPLIMENT

THE GOTHIC TROPES WERE THAT ON POINT

(WAIT, NO, I DIDN'T GUESS THE BABY SECRET! THEY GOT ONE OVER ON ME!)

I KNEW THE RED HOT SECOND JESSICA CHASTAIN SHOWED UP THAT SHE + TOM HIDDLESTON = INCEST

LIKE THE ONLY QUESTION IS HOW FAR INTO DOING IT ARE THEY GONNA BE WHEN EDITH WALKS IN ON THEM BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN

(NOT NEARLY AS FAR AS I EXPECTED)

"I WANT MY RING BACK. I EARNED THAT RING"

GIRL YOU DONE SOME MURRRDERRRS

BUT THEN THEY WERE LIKE "AND WE GREW UP IN AN ATTIC"

"WE ONLY HAD EACH OTHERRRRRR"

AND I WAS LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

WERE THERE FLOWERS UP THERE TOO?

I'M ONLY SURPRISED LUCILLE DIDN'T BRING EDITH COOKIES WITH HER POISON TEA

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS ROTTING INDOOR-LEAFY-SNOWY CLAY-BLEEDING HOUSE

I WANT TO LIVE IN IT

(YOU CAN KEEP THE BLOOD CLAY SKELETON GHOSTS THO)

"YOU NEED A BREAK FROM THE MURDER HOUSE, EDITH, LET'S GO FUCK AT THE POST OFFICE"

CHARLIE HUNNAM IS ALSO THERE

(HE'S STILL A GOLDEN RETRIEVER IN HUMAN FORM)

LIKE I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU EVERY FUCKING THING THAT HAPPENS

JUST THE PARTS THAT I FUCKING LOVED

LIKE WHEN CHARLIE SHOWS UP AND REALIZES IN LIKE THIRTY SECONDS THAT EDITH IS DYING OF POISON

AND HE IS LIKE "WE ARE LEAVING RIGHT NOW"

"LITERALLY RIGHT NOW"

"I WILL FIND YOU A COAT TO PUT ON OVER YOUR NIGHTGOWN"

"OH FUCK I'VE BEEN STABBED"

AND THEN THERE IS THE "SIGN THE MONEY PAPERS OR I WILL KILL YOU" TROPE

LIKE.

EDITH, JUST DON'T SIGN THE PAPERS?

AND THEN LUCILLE BURNS EDITH'S MANUSCRIPT!!!

THIS AMY MARCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER

AND THAT IS WHEN EDITH CUSHING HAS HAD FUCKING ENOUGH

SUDDENLY EVERYONE IS STABBING EVERYONE

AND THEN JESSICA CHASTAIN LOSES HER ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

AND SHE AND MIA ARE FUCKING RACING THROUGH THE ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE KNIFING AT EACH OTHER

WHILE JESSICA CHASTAIN SCREAMS "RRRRAHHHHH!!!!!"

AND HER GOTHIC NIGHTGOWN BILLOWS DOWN A MILLION FUCKING STAIRCASES

NIGHTGOWN KNIFE FIGHT

~*~*~ I BECAME A BEING OF PURE DELIGHT ~*~*~

AND THEN

**MAJOR SPOILER**

MY PRECIOUS FRAGILE CINNAMON ROLL

FUCKING KILLS JESSICA CHASTAIN IN THE HEAD WITH A MOTHERFUCKING SHOVEL

AND A WELL-DESERVED ONE LINER

I LIVE INSIDE THIS MOVIE NOW

PLEASE FORWARD ALL MY MAIL TO IT

GO SEE IT IN THE THEATER

OR YOU WILL NEVER STOP REGRETTING IT