cleolinda | Oscar liveblog #3

PLEASE WELCOME! ACADEMY AWARD WINNER SANDRA BULLOCK. I don't even have time to describe the white top black skirt gold filigree business she's wearing. She is VERY SERIOUS, and has been asked to speak about the Foreign Language film in Mandarin Chinese, and proceeds to do so in German. "I love Chinese."

Foreign Language Film

    "Bullhead" Belgium
    "Footnote" Israel
    "In Darkness" Poland
    "Monsieur Lazhar" Canada
    "A Separation" Iran

And the Oscar VERY SERIOUSLY goes to A Separation. Cut to Spielberg looking SERIOUS, perhaps moistly so, in the audience. What?

Political joke! But please welcome--"and be careful, you're in his eyeline!"--Christian Bale in black on black on black. Someone spin the Christian Bale Accent Wheel and tell me what he sounds like tonight.

@fuggirls: I never expect Christian Bale to show up and have that 'ALLO GUV'NER voice come out of his face. - J

Actress in a Supporting Role

Bérénice Bejo in "The Artist"
Jessica Chastain in "The Help"
Melissa McCarthy in "Bridesmaids"
Janet McTeer in "Albert Nobbs"
Octavia Spencer in "The Help"

@Movieline: Best Supporting Actress goes to Octavia Spencer. I wrote that tweet before it happened. I mean, duh. #oscars

It does. She is helped out of her seat by two guys and helped up the stairs by a third and there is a standing ovation and a beautifully beaded white dress and Brad Pitt beams beneficently from the audience while Angelina's red lipstick approves. "Thank you Academy for putting me with the HOTTEST GUY IN THE ROOM." Then right before she gets teary she thanks her family in Alabama and THE STATE OF ALABAMA! DID I JUST GET THANKED? Best Oscars ever. "Please wrap up please wrap up I'm wrapping up I'm sorry I'm freaking out--!" I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR FUCKING MONTAGES. Commercials. I WISH TO FILE A PROTEST.