Days recap

[cleolinda]

Okay, I haven't seen the show since Friday (which I didn't get to recap, but The Lovely Emily and I caught a rerun over pizza), so I have no idea what's going on.

Oh, who am I kidding? I could skip two months and probably pick right up where I left off.

Crystal comes onto Brady hardcore in her mismatched bikini. Nicole: "CRYSTAL!" John comes up right as Crystal is saying something to Nicole about "taking care of the Marlena Evans situation." John is wearing a hilarious speed-racer type bike suit.

Philip and Belle. Alone, penthouse, blah. Belle has a feeling that Shawn is never coming back. Philip: "Which could actually be a good thing."

Apparently Sami told Julie that she'd rather have revenge on Kate than be with Lucas. Kate doesn't want Lucas to be with Sami, but this pisses her off all the same.

Sami on the phone: wants to talk to Kate. What? Kate: "What?"

Patrick and Jennifer. Jennifer actually looks pregnant now. Celeste apparently told Jennifer that she and the baby would die OMG THEY ARE TOTALLY GOING TO END UP IN BIZARRO SALEM.The door to the house is open and Jennifer is spooked. She answers her cell phone and--it's Jack? Bombastic new opening credits, commercials.

Basic Black. Sami wants a meeting with Kate? Also, I don't know what happened in the last two days, but Lucas and Sami are seriously on the outs now. Kate wants Lucas to stay and protect her. Sami grins schemishly.

Chez Kiriakis. I'm sorry, I'm laughing too hard to really tell you what's happening. They feed John the line about Crystal raising money for "the Marlena Evans Foundation." John: "What's your name, again?" Crystal: "Crystal. Crystal Galore." John: "Is that a fact?" After I crawl off the floor and back into my chair, Crystal starts coming onto John, etc. John, grinning: "I wanna know more about Crystal." Awww, damn, he thinks she's Nicole's accomplice.

Jennifer's house. Jennifer tells Julie that Jack just called and told her to remember that he loves her. The intruder is Bonnie housecleaning. Julie's hair looks a lot lighter for some reason. Jennifer is hysterical, and only gets more so when she realizes there's a message left on her machine. Commercials. We come back. The message was not from Jack. Jennifer races off to check her email for ghostly missives. Apparently Patrick's been cut up--stitch over the eye? Beat up by Nefarious Guys. I missed this. Patrick separates Bonnie and Julie before they kill each other. Jennifer, at her computer: "I KNEW IT! IT'S FROM JACK!"

Belle: Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn. Philip wants to make Belle feel better. Yeah, I bet he does--whoa! He goes in for the kiss, unless this is another dream sequence. They snog.

Chez Kiriakis. Crystal oohs over the $20 champagne. Nicole: "You're not living here." Crystal asks Nicole about Brady's "snooty opera girlfriend." Nicole says something about deleting Chloe from his hard drive while she taps away on a laptop (what?). Outside, John and Brady discuss Crystal as an accomplice. Brady thinks not. "She seems like--" "She's been around the block a few times?" snarks John. For some reason, he's grinning again. His eyebrow declares that he does not trust Nicole. He tells Brady to "hightail it outta here, kid." I don't know why John talks like Sam Spade.

Basic Black. Sami has come to apologize. Eyebrows leap into the air. Commercials. We're back. Sami apologizes for her crazy "John and Kate tried to kill my mom!" outbursts. I am suspicious. Apparently Julie had some cataclysmic discussion with Sami that ended in telling Sami to ask Marlena's grave for advice. Suspicious Kate and Sami shake on it. Exit Sami. Kate: "She's up to something."

Park. John and Brady stride around drinking bottled water in their silly biking spandex. John starts shouting about Brady getting away from Nicole the Black Widow. Brady points out that while the family men have legal veto power, Nicole can't get away with anything as Victor's heir anyway.

Chez Kiriakis. Nicole has some plan she has named "Divide and Conquer." Crystal: "Hey, that was the name of one of my movies!"

Belle and Philip. Yes, Philip was dreaming. Belle is off nattering about something else: "I don't believe it!"

Jennifer's house. "Jack is alive and I have proof!" Commercials.

Belle and Philip. She's checked her email and found a message about a fund in her mother's name. So... nothing about Shawn. Belle wants to help out with the charity. This is all very Rose in Bloom, which is what I was reading last night.

Chez Kiriakis. Ah, that fund was Nicole's handiwork. She looks up a fund for military men (Crystal: "I've helped a lot of military men... right here") that will appeal to Philip, and one for police that Bo will want to back, and... ahhhh. By the time the funds are divided up among all the charities, Chloe's opera house will be sunk.

Basic Black. Sami's back. She reveals an anonymous letter she was going to send to all of Kate's associates outing Kate as Stefano's call girl and gives Kate the only copy. Sami is ashamed, apologizes, etc. Kate gives her the eyebrow that she's picked up from John.

Jennifer's house. Jennifer's received an audio message via email from Jack. Patrick and Julie think she's crazy, and Julie tells Jennifer about her Doug Singing at the Cabaret dream. Bonnie whisper-accuses Patrick of trying to scam Jennifer somehow, although this is the dumbest idea for a scam ever, considering that he's much better off with Jack out of the picture. Patrick agrees with me. Commercials. We're back. Something about a baby book and Patrick writing in it as Jack? What? Julie goes off on her con artist rant again. Patrick insists he had nothing to do with it. Is Nefarious Guy behind it?

Park of Ugly Spandex. Brady insists he can handle Nicole. John: "Victor said the same thing."

Chez Kiriakis: Once again, Brady walks in right as Nicole says something inopportune about the family being at each other's throats by sundown.

Basic Black. Kate doesn't believe Sami's turning over a new leaf. Sami brings out the sad story of trying to live up to her dead parents' ideals. I can't tell whether Sami's sincere or not. Tearfully, Sami pledges to be become a new person and runs out of the room. Kate: "OH, PLEASE!"

Elevator: Sami smirks to herself. There we go. Commercials.

Jennifer's house. Julie has found Jennifer's misplaced pre-natal vitamins... and Jennifer's diary wide open on the nightstand, which would provide a scammer anything s/he needed to know to fake a message from Jack. DUN DUN DUN. Nefarious Guy calls Patrick and says that Jennifer's time is up, and they're "taking her out." Patrick: "Over my dead body!" Nefarious Guy: "We can arrange that."

Chez Kiriakis. Nicole boots Crystal off to the pool and tells Brady to face the fact that Victor's other heirs are going to squabble over who gets how many funds.

Belle and Philip. Philip wants to ask a favor of Belle, but she has to say yes before he tells her what it is. SHENANIGANS!

Basic Black. Lucas runs after Sami while Kate shreds the evil letter. Lucas catches up with Sami and demands a chat. Apparently Lucas and Kate overheard Sami swearing at her mother's grave that she would get revenge, and that Lucas was only a distraction to her. Lucas clearly feels v. hurt and used--I'm not trying to laugh at his pain, exactly, but it's sort of... attractively girly. Commercials. We come back. Kate and John discuss their mutual not-trusting of Sami. Sami apologizes for the momentary hatefulness that Lucas overheard. Lucas bitters about her "lies... deceit..." Sami lies when she cries. Sami begs Lucas to believe in her, and he says he will--this one last time. She says everything will be different now, but looks distressed enough that you have wonder.

Chez Kiriakis. Nicole denies that she has anything to do with the discord--that it's just Murphy's Law.

Belle and Philip. Philip wants Belle to come to the heirs' meeting. Belle squeals that she doesn't know how to thank Philip, and he says, almost nonchalantly, "You don't have to, I love you." Belle: DUN DUN DUN!

Jennifer's house. Jennifer insists that it was really Jack's voice. Julie declares that Jack is dead in this really deep, lugubrious voice. Seriously, it's kinda freaky.

Previews. Philip and Belle are cutesy. Bo and Brady bicker about Nicole. Crystal hits on John. Abe tells Roman that if they don't get back to Real Salem soon, there might not be anything to go back to.