Frequently asked questions

[cleolinda]

I would like to welcome all the lovely people who have friended me over the last week or so, and here's hoping this entry is helpful:

Are you reading all these comments? Every single one. I have email notification to my Yahoo address turned on. I'm trying to answer the ones that ask specific questions, but trust me, I've read all of them and I appreciate everything everyone's said and I wish I could reply to them all, but between Van Helsing and Troy there are about 500 comments. This is not even including the other two 15 Min. Movies or the icon entries. I hate to issue a message of mass gratitude, but--thank you, to everyone, for all the nice things you've said.


Can I friend you? Girl, please. I am a total friend whore. In fact, I'm friending everyone back as fast as I can. If I haven't friended you back yet, it's because I'm still wading through my email. Also: after I've been on your f-list for about a week, if you realize that friending me has been a terrible, terrible mistake because I am actually rather boring, feel free to unfriend me. I don't take it personally.

Can I link to your journal or send things to my friends? Also a total link whore. If I want something to be private, I friends-lock it, and that's just so my family or RL acquaintances won't stumble across it, generally. I don't put things in my journal that I'm not okay with the entire internet seeing (and really, everyone should consider this possibility), so linking is fine.

Can I take icons you made? No. I totally made 3000 crappy icons so I could sit and stare at them. Yes, of course you can take them! And please feel free to improve them (coughantialiasthefontcough) or make your own, because all I have is PhotoImpression 2000 and it is ghetto (since this writing, someone has emailed me a copy of Photoshop, so I'm in business).

Why are you making fun of these movies? Did you hate them that much? I think I mentioned this on a previous entry, but it's worth repeating: I don't think that the funny should be reserved for things we hate. Let's face it, the Lord of the Rings movies are freakin' hilarious, and tons of parodies have been written about them. Does that mean that people hate them? On the contrary! And I've enjoyed all four movies I've done so far. Besides, movies as a medium are just funny, sometimes--they can't always be bastions of realism because they're movies and not v. v. serious 10-hour documentaries. Think of it as "making fun" rather than "mocking," and with emphasis on the "fun."

May I worship you/fangirl you/bear your children? I am flattered. Deeply flattered. However, it is only fair to remind you that half these jokes write themselves. Come on--"Hector smash"? That was there, dude. That said, the nicest things you can ever do for any writer are 1) recommend her work and 2) read more of it. Which most of you have already told me you're doing. (coughblackribbonhackdailydigestmovienewswheezeshortattentionspantheatercough. Sorry about that. Hairball.) Or you can do like shock_greenleaf and write me a filk. There's always that. (Hee hee hee.)

Who's the girl in the icon? The icon I'm using right now is Reese Witherspoon in Vanity Fair, which hasn't come out yet.

If there's anything else you'd like to know, please ask in the comments. Even if that question is "Who the hell do you think you are?" Seriously, I'm shocked that I've only gotten one or two vaguely negative comments for the whole series. Not that I'm especially craving any flames now. Anyway. [/shyness & paranoia]

Comments

[theonlykow.livejournal.com]

Sidenote: if you want anti-aliased pixel fonts you can do them yourself,by hand. With a pencil-esque tool. I don't know what it's called in the land of Ghetto Graphic Design that you so desperatly need a ticket out of. Does it suck? Yes. Is it time consuming? Yes. Did it hold me over until PS7? Yes. Are the results mindblowing? You know it.

[dreagonfli.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, I thought the girl in the icon was Courtney Love. You know, during her, uh, few cleaned up days.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Dear Cleo,

If a train leaves Chicago travelling at 50 miles per hour and ANOTHER train leaves Pittsburgh travelling at 70, does Van Helsing wear boxers of briefs?

[chelkitty.livejournal.com]

I thought it was Nicole Kidman..from Moulin Rouge or something.

[sodafiend.livejournal.com]

That goes for me, too. I try to always read, but sometimes I just don't have the words to say back, but I'm here.

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

If there's anything else you'd like to know, please ask in the comments

Dear Cleo,

Back in the day before you were a fandom superstar, you told us of a child you had in a dream. A small child, merely thumb-sized! I just wondered if you'd had any luck getting that bastard Elijah Wood to accept responsibility for his actions.

Yours, with much love,

brassy

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

I think he wears a thong.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Neither. He goes commando, as is clearly seen at the end of the movie when he is left in nothing but a tattered loincloth pair of trousers.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Surely a man needs ultimate comfort when facing the very worst pixels that are pastede on yay monsters in the world?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Elijah still won't answer my imaginary, psychic calls. Hor.

(Man, I knew y'all old-school folks were gonna come over here and start taking the piss. Yay!)

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Dear Cleo,

I give thanks for you Fandom Superstar knowledge. Does this mean Friar Goofy is also commando? You'd think the sackcloth would chafe.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't know. I will have my minions sources look into it.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was into Cleo. Back when her sound was fresh, y'know. Real indie. Now, she's all like, 15 minutes ago. And have you seen what she's wearing?

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I plan my comeback, hor! I'm taking Kabbalah classes and everything! I'll snog Britney on TV and then you'll be sorry!

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Fangirls: The one monster VH can't beat.

[stephanielynch.livejournal.com]

What is your favorite genre of book and of movie? Are they the same or different?

I can't wait for "Vanity Fair" to come out. Just watched "The Importance Of Being Earnest" for the sixth time last night. Still cracks me up.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Am giggling muchly

Whatever! Some of us are keeping it REAL.

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

Elijah = total h0r.

(Man, I knew y'all old-school folks were gonna come over here and start taking the piss. Yay!)

We're so predictable! :)

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

For real, man. We're rocking it hardcore, staying true to the streets. We've not forgotten our roots!

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's Friarmir that wears a thong then?

I'm not sure that ultimate comfort can be found when you have that script, and perhaps the pain of a tight thong would divert Mr Hugh Jackman from the ultimate lame-osity of the whole endeavour.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

OMG IT IZ 4 CHULDRENN HOW KAN U BEE SEW MEEN!!11

[brassyn.livejournal.com]

Well, those and critics.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

See, y'all my posse. Y'all my house. Y'all make me keep it real, yo, for serious.

[snowking.livejournal.com]

Van Helsing, like Jersey Girl and Penny Arcade (http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2004/20040324l.jpg), is not for critics. Oh no.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, an actual serious question. Hmm. I like reading biographies. Particularly of royals (Eleanor of Aquitaine, Marie Antoinette, Elizabeth I), or people who lived in an era I'm interested in. If you want to read up on a particular time period, particularly so you can write about it, you can't beat biographies for real-life details. And I've been reading a lot of Neil Gaiman and fantasy-type things (Lemony Snicket, Harry Potter, His Dark Materials) for a while now. I was on a nineteenth-century kick for a while, then a true-crime spree--it depends, I guess.

Movies... it's probably easier to tell you what I don't like, because I'll watch just about anything. (I really like old movies, '30s and '40s, though.) Don't like WWII/Vietnam war movies--too upsetting. Don't like submarine movies--put me to sleep. Don't like a lot of romantic comedies, because they seem so predictable. I like movies that have action/adventure in them, but not Action Movies that are totally that from Two Cops, One Young and One Eight Days From Retirement mold.

(My sister: "Do you like ANYTHING?"

Me: "Shut up, man.")