You're not even going to believe this

[cleolinda]

Today, before 8:30 am: I have no phone because I washed it, the Geek Squad wants to charge us an extra $145 just to come to the house and help with the computer even though we have a contract with them, and then my mother's car died.

11:45: The dishwasher finally gave up the ghost.

Well, technically, it's still clutching that ghost pretty tightly--there's two inches of standing water in it, the dishes are spattered with nasty soap spots, and it's snarling at us. I am not even kidding, it is making actual snarling sounds. So it's not an electrical thing--it's been getting more and more weaksauce over the last few months, and it finally just decided to join the parade of fail today, since all the cool kids were marching in it.

Once shit started to Get Real last night, I basically went into calm fix-it mode because, quite honestly, I had already hit Shock, Denial, Psychotic Tantrums and Helpless Wallowing on the Kübler-Ross Stages of Grief model, so there really wasn't much else to do. Also, the car being inexplicably dead almost broke my mother, so one of us had to hold it together. So this is my plan of action:

1) We are going to buy a new dishwasher this weekend. Surely I'll sell a wheat crop book soon! We'll live like kings, Caroline, automatically dish-washing KINGS!

2) We are taking the laptop back to Best Buy and getting a straight-up refund just to be shot of them, and then I'm going to re-order a Studio 1737 from the Dell site. The Geek Squad will refund their contract as well. There is no question about this. They will. They will be dealing with my mother. They will.

3) A new battery, and my mother's car was fine. So far. I hope.

4) I don't know about a replacement for my phone; for the moment I'm toting the cordless house phone around. I mean, around the house, in case someone in the family has to call me. while I'm here. Which I will be. There's a reason I have an actual "leaving the house omg" tag. When people I'm not related to need to get hold of me, they usually email--which, of course, would be great except that I don't have my own computer at the moment.

5) I'm still cleaning for the electricians to come tomorrow, not because I care what they think of my mess, but because I literally cannot walk across the room without holding on to stacks of boxes to maneuver around them, so I can hardly expect them to REACH my electrical outlets under those conditions, much less replace them. Basically, I'm cramming everything into the closet, tight as a clown car if necessary, and what won't fit in there will go into the attic temporarily. Really, I just want it to look like a normally messy room. And also, at least we'll have that problem taken care of.

(I want to go to bed so badly right now. Yes, it is currently 7:45 pm.)

Comments

[wenelda.livejournal.com]

...

I really. I have no words. I am SO. SORRY.

[divabat.livejournal.com]

Oh dear God. We need covens casting spells for your benefit, stat.

[rorqual.livejournal.com]

You're in control. You have a list. Stuff will get checked off it. And, if all goes...as it has been...you'll get a good post about your mother triumphing over Best Buy!

I mean artists have to suffer, right? Isn't this better than TB or raging alcoholism? Though I hear raging alcoholism is fun, until your pancreas gives out....

In control!

[lost-garnet.livejournal.com]

Have you considered having someone do a cleansing ceremony for your house? Like, waving burning sage in the dark corners and around all the electrical outlets or something?

[sunbrae.livejournal.com]

I'm sending all my good juju your way.

[randomhero2006.livejournal.com]

Wow. You've had an interesting day. Sorry about all your stuff choosing to not work all at once.

I say it's:

COCKTAIL TIME!!! :D

[snacky]

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD!

*sign of the cross, backing away slowly*

Cleo, I'm a lapsed Catholic. This shit has me ready to go to church and to light a candle for you. I'm starting a prayer to St. Jude as I type.

[nc-bookworm.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you didn't run a homeless guy/fisherman off the road? That would explain it. If you did, beware of guys with hooks.

[calliopecassin.livejournal.com]

You're getting Action Jackson up in there! Get on, girl!

[entropy-and-me.livejournal.com]

Cleo, I'm so sorry to hear of all these troubles at once. As if the year hadn't been rocky enough this far! Like you, I am ready to see the backside of 2009.

As for your cell phone, you may have already tried this, but: did you take it apart and take the battery out? Sometimes these things will come back to life if dried out, albeit prolonged exposure by washing does not bode so well.

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

I think you need some bunnies in sweaters (http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/sn151057-567-_tphq.jpg) to soothe your mind.

[soleta-nf.livejournal.com]

You have a plan, which is great! Yay for you for taking charge! *fingers crossed*

[flamingtoilet.livejournal.com]

Have you ever considered going Amish? Seriously, girl.

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

Well, TB isn't really that bad. Only about 10 - 30% of people carrying M. tuberculosis bacteria actually develop full-blown symptoms.

.... I have an inordinate love for TB.

[dr-funbags.livejournal.com]

Try sticking your cell phone into a bag of dry white rice and leaving it there for over 24hrs! My friend accidentally washed her ipod, and somebody told her to do this - the ipod survived and began working again once all the moisture was sucked up!

[wolfsilveroak.livejournal.com]

Cripes, you just cannot win.

[chellytastic.livejournal.com]

I.
Am.
So.
Sorry.

*ridiculous amounts of internet hugs*

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

This is about the point where people start yelling at the screen, "Get OUT the HOUSE! RUN! Just RUN!"

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Aw! Bless. Literally.

[silverusagi]

Wow. Just wow. I've been reading all these entries and I can't believe all the bad luck you're having. It sounds like you have a plan now, though.

But, uh, just to be safe, when you get the new computer, plug it in somewhere else. :)

[editornia.livejournal.com]

I like #2 (very much!) and #3. As for #4... While your mom is out, could she get you a new phone, too? Is your SIM card still working?

*HUGS*

[valourose.livejournal.com]

Oh, Cleo. Oh my God. I've been lurking here for a while and don't usually make a habit of commenting on the journals of people I don't know personally (or even people I do know personally) but I've been following this saga with ever increasing amounts of D=.

I am so sorry. I can hardly believe that the universe would dump all this crap onto one person. Especially someone so awesome and undeserving as you, but I have to believe it, because this kind of thing cannot be made up. I wish you the best of luck and I really hope this comes to an end very. very soon.

I am sending good thoughts and energies your way! Take care!

[igntethestars.livejournal.com]

Hell, you could write a book over what all has happened to you in the past two weeks, and I don't think anyone would actually believe it was all true.

I don't even know WHAT to say. Except maybe call a priest? o.o There's got to be some kind of pissed off thing killing all you electronics in your house xD

[spidey-88.livejournal.com]

Come to think of it, the laptop I bought my husband from Best Buy needed a new motherboard in less than a year. The original laptop cost me $500. Luckily, Compaq sent us a new one (which I managed to install) for free because it was less than a year old.