I have a confession to make

[cleolinda]

... because I feel like I really need to get this off my chest.

So.

I managed to not hear it all summer long, not even know what it sounded like, because I heard that it was so annoying. I don't even know how I managed that much. So it's finally old meme now, and I'm watching the godforsaken VMAs, and finally... I hear it.

Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

I fought it for a couple of weeks, but... I am kind of addicted to it now. And it's not even current anymore.

I am so ashamed.

See, here's the thing: the lyrics make me want to punch Katy Perry and her smug pinup-girl romper in the face. It's two lines, specifically: "You're my experimental game" and "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." Because those two lines really push it over the line into--as someone else said--"I Kissed a Girl and I Liked the Attention." If it were a little more sarcastic or self-aware--"And then I uploaded pics of it to MySpace and now my daddy can't ever run for public office"--I'd almost be okay with it. Or if it picked up on the defiant tone in the chorus and was all like, "Hey, I think I like girls as well as boys, for real." As it is, it's just so selfish and callous and "Tee-hee, I'm bi-curious only when I'm drunk and other people are looking!" Actually, what I really want is a follow-up reply song from Cherry Chapstick Whoever, like, "I Kissed Some Drunk Girl (And Now She Won't Return My Calls)."

What I really wish is that someone would rewrite it to suck less, or that there was a version with no vocals, just the instruments, because that's what makes the song stupidcrackmusic. It's the drums, I think--the beat is fantastic, the guitars in the chorus are good, and I like the general I DO WHAT I WANT! tone of the lyrics in theory. And then it just goes all to hell with the cutesy attention-whore faux rebellion. And as far as falling in love with the beat, it probably didn't help, either, that the first time I finally heard the song was when Katy Perry and her romper sang a bit of it as the VMAs were going out to (or coming back in from?) commercials, and Travis Barker was on drums and he was--oh my God, I was going to say "he was really on fire that night." Oh God, I wasn't even thinking. I am going to hell now. I am going to go sit in the corner and think about what I've done now.

I just... I need help, you guys. I'm addicted to this terrible song and sometimes I find myself singing along with it and I just said something horribly inappropriate and I need to go to dollhab. Is this rock bottom, or is there an even rockier low I can hit?


ETA: Cobra Starship's "I Kissed a Boy." And please, someone bring us the Katy Perry-pwning Jill Sobule song "I Kissed a Girl" from the '90s, I can't find it. (YAY)

ETA 2: You know who needs to cover this song and heal us all? Pink.

Comments

[madcathatter.livejournal.com]

As a gay female, I hate the song with every fiber of my being. ...And I listen to it frequently, complete with singing along and dancing.

I have no excuse for my actions. It's just plain addictive.

I think the Cherry Chapstick reply should be, "I Don't Mind Being Your Experiment (Because It Gets Me Hot-Straight-Girl Action)".

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

I kind of want a series of songs where the Katy Perry narrator is all like, "Wait... I think I actually am into girls," and Cherry Chapstick is all like, "Bitch, please, I was on a break from my actual girlfriend, I don't want your poser ass now," and Katy Perry replies with some kind of heartbroken torch song, or one of those "Come back, baby, baby please!" songs.

[madcathatter.livejournal.com]

Oh, that could be great. Cherry Chapstick is Katy Perry's true love!

If only she would have seen it before she got knocked up by her boyfriend. And before Cherry Chapstick married her partner in California and had eight babies.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Love the Tegan and Sara icon!

[kraorh.livejournal.com]

Me too. Truly, the male gender is so much worse off given that they aren't interested in us. Truly tragic. Our loss, women's gain, I suppose.

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

Getting off topic: I rarely can say this, but your icon truly made me laugh out loud. Really, it was more of a snort. I love it.

[tasterainbows.livejournal.com]

Ditto.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

*raises hand*

Me too.

The whole song is like "it's okay that I'm kissing girls, because it doesn't mean anything, it's an experiment, and BY THE WAY I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND AM TOTALLY STRAIGHT", which then translates to "people who do it and don't have/want a boyfriend are weird lesbos".

That whole line about the boyfriend is so damn coy I want to rip my own hair out. I mean, does anyone actually know of a hetero male who would mind his girlfriend getting a bit frisky with another girl in front of him?

Anyone?

No, because he'd be all thinking "THREESOME! SCORE!" and engaging his eidetic memory so he could wank to it for the next five million years.

At I hate that other song she did "UR so Gay" or whatever. For one, it's using a phrase REPEATEDLY that I loathe, and not in a reclaiming way. It's using it in a way to reinforce a million stereotypes and laugh at them. Because, y'know, all gay men are vain, self absorbed, narcissistic neat freaks who read Hemingway and listen to Mozart.

I want Melissa Etheridge, Sophie B Hawkins and Jill Sobule to punch her in the middle of her smug face.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

By the me too, I mean that I hate it. I don't listen to it if I can help it. I change the station on the radio.

[kittenkatt.livejournal.com]

I think the Cherry Chapstick reply should be, "I Don't Mind Being Your Experiment (Because It Gets Me Hot-Straight-Girl Action)".

You're my hero :)

[madcathatter.livejournal.com]

:D Yay!

[feather333.livejournal.com]

do you mind if i yoink your icon? that's one of my favorite vids of all time! :-)

[kittenkatt.livejournal.com]

I didn't make it, and unfortunately I'm not sure who did. If anyone should claim it as their work then credit them. Other than that, go right on ahead afaic.