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Not the most scintillating story, but I have a headache, so...
I have had a bad day. I'm not even sure if the epic saga of my bad day is worth telling--well, what the hell, why not: The fridge died. Obvs. that sucked. I dropped my lunch (a small frozen pizza, since I'm going out late to dinner tonight) on the floor. It goes without saying that it landed face down. I pulled my inner five-year-old together ("...oh no!") and put another one in the oven. Twenty-five minutes later I realized that I had dutifully turned off the oven right before taking out the first pizza, so the second one was attempting to bake in an oven cooling down from 400 degrees. I managed to get it to the edible stage and moved on with life. Then I went upstairs to take a long shower (which I felt I deserved by this point), but the drain's a bit clogged (whatever, I'll deal with it later), so about half an inch of water had accumulated in the tub when I stepped backwards on... something. I looked down and saw something small and dark underfoot. Of course it was a drowned roach. Of course I haven't seen a roach in this house in five years. Of course I stepped on the one that ventured inside. I didn't scream. I didn't even ew. My capacity for outrage was thoroughly exhausted at that point. My freakout circuits were just completely tripped. I just looked down and said, out loud, "Of course I did. For fuck's sake," and scooped it out with an old plastic cup.
And then my internet went out for three hours.
While I was cursing out the computer (those of you who chose "D) My computer," come and collect your winnings!), my mother called. While we were cleaning out the fridgeand bitching at each other, just because, I mentioned this comment, because I was a little surprised that she was taking the whole July 9th thing lying down. (To recap/catch you up: Sears can't come out until JULY 9TH to fix the fridge, which is under warranty, so we paid an independent whoever $75 to just come take a look at it. Turns out the compressor's frozen, "which is really kind of rare, actually." Thanks, Fridge Guy. He can replace it for $750, or [and this was his recommendation, honestly] we could wait for Sears to do it at no charge. My mother despaired and decided to wait, because y'all know how bad this year has sucked for us financially.) So later this afternoon (computer cursing, etc.), she calls me to say that she thought it over, and she decided to call Sears.
I'll wait while you go make some popcorn.
Okay, you're back. So she calls Sears and asks for a manager:
"May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"No," she says. "I just want to speak with a manager."
New employee: "Hi, may I ask what you need assistance with?"
"Are you a manager?"
"...No."
"Then no, I do not want to speak with you. I just want to speak with a manager."
Third employee: "Hello. May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"ARE YOU A MANAGER?"He is a manager, praise the Lord. Also, his name is Sayid (!), which I am not making up. If you can imagine the chivalrous, dulcet tones of Sayid "I Killed a Man with My Ankles Just to Watch Him Die" Jarrah on the other end, then we'll all be on the same wavelength. My mother also watches Lost, so this threw her for a bit of a loop as well. But not enough to shake her resolve:
"All right then. I have a Kenmore ColdSpot Side-by-Side Refrigerator that has died. It does not cool anymore. At all. A repairman says that the compressor is frozen. But Sears, YOUR COMPANY, says that they cannot come out until JULY THE NINTH, which is TWELVE DAYS FROM NOW. This refrigerator is UNDER WARRANTY, but Sears will not come out and fix it in a timely fashion. I'm afraid that I DO NOT FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE."
She's recounting this on the phone, and I have to tell you that I let out an audible OOOHHHHHH when she broke out the Declaration of Unacceptability, because that is when you run for cover. That indicates Imminent Momination.
I have a feeling that Sayid is one of Gerald's protégés. At the very least, he is a canny man, because he immediately agreed ("I believe you are right. This delay is not acceptable"). I don't know exactly what else she said to him, but by the time she was done, he had said that he would go call as many repairmen as he needed in order to find one who could come sooner. She was on her cell phone telling me this when her work phone rang, so I was actually there to hear her side of the conversation as Sayid told her that he had, after pulling rank and cracking the skulls of three other managers, located a repairman who could pay us a visit on Tuesday. This appeased my mother ("Thank you so much, that would be wonderful"), and Sayid made his graceful exit ("Please have a very nice day").
So she did, in fact, kick Sears ass, and she kicked it politely. In the end, I think my mother, like most people, needed to be reminded of her own awesomeness.
And then my internet went out for three hours.
While I was cursing out the computer (those of you who chose "D) My computer," come and collect your winnings!), my mother called. While we were cleaning out the fridge
I'll wait while you go make some popcorn.
Okay, you're back. So she calls Sears and asks for a manager:
"May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"No," she says. "I just want to speak with a manager."
New employee: "Hi, may I ask what you need assistance with?"
"Are you a manager?"
"...No."
"Then no, I do not want to speak with you. I just want to speak with a manager."
Third employee: "Hello. May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"ARE YOU A MANAGER?"He is a manager, praise the Lord. Also, his name is Sayid (!), which I am not making up. If you can imagine the chivalrous, dulcet tones of Sayid "I Killed a Man with My Ankles Just to Watch Him Die" Jarrah on the other end, then we'll all be on the same wavelength. My mother also watches Lost, so this threw her for a bit of a loop as well. But not enough to shake her resolve:
"All right then. I have a Kenmore ColdSpot Side-by-Side Refrigerator that has died. It does not cool anymore. At all. A repairman says that the compressor is frozen. But Sears, YOUR COMPANY, says that they cannot come out until JULY THE NINTH, which is TWELVE DAYS FROM NOW. This refrigerator is UNDER WARRANTY, but Sears will not come out and fix it in a timely fashion. I'm afraid that I DO NOT FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE."
She's recounting this on the phone, and I have to tell you that I let out an audible OOOHHHHHH when she broke out the Declaration of Unacceptability, because that is when you run for cover. That indicates Imminent Momination.
I have a feeling that Sayid is one of Gerald's protégés. At the very least, he is a canny man, because he immediately agreed ("I believe you are right. This delay is not acceptable"). I don't know exactly what else she said to him, but by the time she was done, he had said that he would go call as many repairmen as he needed in order to find one who could come sooner. She was on her cell phone telling me this when her work phone rang, so I was actually there to hear her side of the conversation as Sayid told her that he had, after pulling rank and cracking the skulls of three other managers, located a repairman who could pay us a visit on Tuesday. This appeased my mother ("Thank you so much, that would be wonderful"), and Sayid made his graceful exit ("Please have a very nice day").
So she did, in fact, kick Sears ass, and she kicked it politely. In the end, I think my mother, like most people, needed to be reminded of her own awesomeness.