Dear lord, that is the most brilliant [albeit: the only] piece of Twilight parody deliciousness I've ever seen.

I particularly died at:

"He led me to a small creek and sank gracefully into the grass at its edge. I tripped over a pebble and landed on my face in the mud. Edward laughed. How could he love me? He was so beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect. Like the statue of David come alive. Like Adonis, a god, an angel."

~~~

She's right, though. Save for some baseball and prom dresses, that's basically the story. ^_^