Baby's first fanfic!

[cleolinda]

Oh, I forgot to mention: Lee Goldberg hates fanfiction, and he hates it often. His brother Tod, on the other hand, is rock-awesome, and invited (challenged?) Fandom Wank to write some fanfic about him, Dave Navarro, Carmen Electra, and a dagget. Also, he wanted to be handsome and skinny. I didn't have room for Carmen, but I did my best, using the Drabble-Matic. Tod posted it on his blog, but I don't know if he liked it or not.

P.S. I wouldn't say that FW "hates" Lee. I'd say they disagree strenuously with his stance on fanfiction, but they definitely enjoy every time he goes off on it anew.

P.P.S. No, I don't know what a dagget is either. ETA: A dagget!

1000 Prolix Polar Bears

Tod paced skinnily back and forth. Amethyst dread filled his heart. Dave Navarro should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my naughty love, Tod thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Dave Navarro had been taken hostage by Roseate Toenail, a supervillain who had the city in a state of tortuous terror. Tod fainted dead away, like a herd of elephants. Handsome elephants.

When he came to, there was a bump on his elbow and the amethyst dread had returned. "Dave Navarro, my bilious honey bunny," he cried out stickily. "What is Roseate Toenail doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing sweatily as he boggled him in the uvula.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tod remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 prolix polar bears, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Tod ordered in a supply of prolixity and set to work, folding polar bears until his elbow was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last polar bear when Dave Navarro walked in the front door.

"Dave Navarro!" Tod screamed and threw himself into Dave Navarro's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 prolix polar bears and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a natural high. He kissed Dave Navarro huskily on the nostril.

"Actually," Dave Navarro said, pulling away silkily, "I was rescued by the Crepuscular Dagget. He's a new superhero in town." Dave Navarro sighed. "And he's totally bodacious."

The amethyst dread came back. "But you're crunk to be back here with me, right?"

Dave Navarro checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Crepuscular Dagget for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay gold, Ponyboy." He left and the door banged behind him.

Tod choked back a sob and started folding another polar bear. Then he went out and got drunk instead.

Back to your regularly scheduled linkspam.

Comments

[heinous_bitca.livejournal.com]

That's a Dagget. A robot dog from the first series of Battlestar Galactica.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

...

[arden-ranger.livejournal.com]

Isn't a dagget that robotic dog like thing named Muffy from the original Battlestar Galactica?

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

It's supposed to be a robot dog, to replace the little kid's dog that was killed in the pilot or somewhere thereabouts. It's actually a chimp in a robot-dog-suit. :)

Angie

[bigeyedrabbit.livejournal.com]

The amethyst dread came back. "But you're crunk to be back here with me, right?"

What makes that particular paragraph even funnier to me is that it sounds like something I would write about one of my own now-defunct romantic relationships at six in the morning, thinking it was UTTERLY BRILLIANT. X)

Oh, Drabble-Matic, I do love thee so.

[gwynevere1.livejournal.com]

What does it say about me that I knew what a dagget was but didn't have the slightest clue who Lee Goldberg was?
Clearly, Mr. Goldberg is such a big important person. . . that I had to Wiki him.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

A CHIMP?

[yarha.livejournal.com]

Lee Goldberg hates fanfiction, and he hates it often.

Good.

Yarha, Believes Sanity is Out There, But Craziness is In the Head

[yarha.livejournal.com]

PS: There's got to be a way to work *Rube* Goldberg in here. Somehow.

Yarha, Rube-ics Cube

[yarha.livejournal.com]

No, no, it's a dagget, dammit.

Yarha, Dagget, Dammit, Janet

Published Author With Some Interesting Views

[disturbed-kiwi.livejournal.com]

http://maxbarry.com/2005/06/09/news.html
http://maxbarry.com/2005/06/16/news.html
http://maxbarry.com/writing/bits/copyright.html
http://maxbarry.com/2006/07/news.html

[dduane.livejournal.com]

(ROAR)

:)

[trede.livejournal.com]

Here's a Daggett too. (icon)

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[snacky]

Er. I just want to say: every sci-fi show is improved by the inclusion of a robot dog.

[adoresixtyfour.livejournal.com]

The Dagget was one of the reasons why many folks tried to remove their memories of the original BSG with brain bleach; I'll bet it's one of the reasons why many were resistant to the new, re-envisioned BSG (at least at first--it's teh awesome).

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeee.

[yarha.livejournal.com]

BSG? Noo, I don't remember that at all. Nor do I remember idiotic Cylons with hokey robot voices and plots that made no sense, nor do I recall anybody by the name of 'Starbuck' before the coffee shop. Nope, not at all.

Yarha, Forgotten by Your Command

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

I think a Dagget is a rugged, flinty-eyed yet warm-hearted FBI agent transferred to the X-Files division to be Agent Scully's partner after the inexplicable-but-somehow-not-surprising disappearance of Agent Mulder.

*reads above*

Ohhh. Nevermind.

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

Ummm, yes...? [grin] It was sort of funny, trying to suspend disbelief and buy that it's actually a robot dog when it moved like a chimp in a very uncomfortable suit. To give the Galactica people some credit, they acknowledged this and played it for a laugh or two by having a couple of the characters do the raised-eyebrow, "That's supposed to be a dagget??" [Galactickese for "dog"] when the robot was first introduced. The scientist guy who'd built him sort of shrugged and said, "Hey, best I could do." :)

Angie

[mustang-bex1126.livejournal.com]

I am officially in love with every person from this thread....

[falco-conlon.livejournal.com]

I...I think I love him.

Lee Goldberg is probably the biggest dick since Michael Crichton

[falco-conlon.livejournal.com]

the amethyst dread or the crunk?

[mustang-bex1126.livejournal.com]

SO I've been reading and linking through the FW stuff and falling utterly and completely in love with it all... BTW you're amazing, you're all over those things, I just read "You just glib, Joanne" and spewed water on my cat (that'll teach kitty to sit in my lap while I internet.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Awww. I think I've been over there since late 2003--I lurk, mostly.

[cleolinda.livejournal.com]

Which is to say, "lurk" being a relative term. There's like six communities with tons of entries every day, so one comment a day total kind of feels like lurking. (Sorry, it just struck me as a weird thing to have said.)

[mustang-bex1126.livejournal.com]

Hey- nothing that weird, honestly. I think I'm going to have to learn to lurk there and just enjoy the snark. There's not enough snark in my life.

[bigeyedrabbit.livejournal.com]

BOTH.

[pizzalover23.livejournal.com]

ahaha
thats what i was thinking.

[la-sonnambula.livejournal.com]

Hee! 1000 paper polar bears. Actually, that'd be kinda of a cute and awesome thing to see. I like that you cheekily used adverbs prolixly.

Stay gold, Ponyboy.

Bwah! That's like a verbal fingergun plus wink.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

I have never understood why it was easier to build the little bastard an unconvincing robot than it was to ask one of the livestock-carrying ships (which were probably called things like the Astragraria and the Cattlestar), if they happened to have a spare puppy.

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

LOL! Well, yeah. :) Although one could make an argument that under the circumstances they might not've kept any animals which weren't traditionally food. Heck, on a spaceship one could argue for chickens, fish and guinea pigs (originally domesticated for food) way before sheep, pigs or cattle. Although with the variety of cultures in the fleet, I'm sure at least a couple of the groups would've eaten dog, so.... [ponder]

Angie

Lee Goldberg

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

. . . has inspired a rant. Fanfic writers don't profit off of their writings, they don't make any money. They write for the joy of it, and for the love of the characters. I write because a) the categories I write for (TV series, movies, etc) have been discontinued without a satisfactory ending. Hence my continuation of Blade the Series, and alternate 3rd Matrix movie. And yes, you puffed-up prick (him, not you Cleo) writers do NEED to write. And we NEED feedback, otherwise our self-confidence shrivels up and dies. THAT is why fanfic writers write, so STFU and go back to being too posessive of your characters. Stop acting like Anne Rice.

[/rant]

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

No, you're thinking of Dogget.With an "o".