i've still got poetry_slamming friended in order to read the applications and crit, although they rejected me *le sigh*. thus, i am responding in your journal and not there. i just wanted to tell you that your poems are incredible, head and shoulders above the rest. i agree that in the last poem, you could cut many of your opening lines. i wouldn't about the new poem fitting the old title, but perhaps instead revise the title as well.