Cleolinda everywhere

Yes, exactly! And there was an interview, which I will never find again, where they're talking about the gulf between the experience of a young person who's dying and the experience of the bystander who loves that person. The dying person can come to terms with what's happening and even have these moments of grace, but the bystander just can't get there -- it's too hard, and you're fighting to keep the person with you, in some ways depriving them of that grace, blah blah blah. So basically it takes eleventy billion years to cross that gulf. And a really pretty dying star.