(no subject)

[cleolinda]

I can't believe I just sat here and sobbed over the final episode of Six Feet Under. I didn't even watch a dozen episodes all told, and they were all in the third season--so, not even when the show was in its stride. I didn't watch any this season. I kinda followed the recaplets at Television Without Pity through the whole thing, though, so I wanted to see what happened to everyone. And that was nice and all. And then we got to the last five minutes or so. Basically, they show Claire driving cross-country to New York, and they intersperse scenes from the Fisher family future with shots of her driving through the desert. I thought, oh, I bet they'll show us Ruth's eventual death, which would be sort of brilliant. Well, Alan Ball was way ahead of me--he took the whole cast through the next eighty years or so and showed how everyone eventually dies. Which--I mean, that's the point of not just the show, but, in a way, life itself. And it was brilliant and sad and then they showed Keith's death and I just lost it for some reason. By the end, I was actually sobbing--I've been under so much stress the last few months wishing I could break down and have a good cry, and here a TV show sets me off right when I theoretically have gotten everything together. And the funny thing is, I wasn't crying about the characters at all. I've only had one death in my family, one death of someone I was actually close to, and it was my grandfather about four or five years ago. So I've always been really squirrelly about death--I worry about it all the time because I'm not very well acquainted with it, you know? Like every single time I get off the phone with my mother--every single time--I wonder if that's the last time we've spoken. I don't worry about myself--I worry about other people dying, constantly, on a daily basis. And that's the one thing that scares me the most about getting older--the fact that you spend much of your life, if you live a fairly long one, watching everyone you know and love die one by one. And not only did this show forcibly remind me of that--it showed me what it would be like for an entire family. A family like mine.