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Cleolinda everywhere
Classy dame, sparkle consultant, gothic enthusiast, sporadic recapper.
(Reply)
no subject
Date:
2005-03-19 03:17 am (UTC)
From:
spectralbovine.livejournal.com
I don't even care. The mind just boggles at a writer who thinks this is worth publishing. I'm being kind of mean, I guess, but...
She ignored it and continued to dig, when something caught her eye, looking up, she dropped her shovel.
Is the eye looking up? Is she looking up? Why is this all one sentence?
Coming across the path was a demon, not just one, but lots of them.
WHERE DID THIS CHICK LEARN HOW TO USE A COMMA? Plus, "but lots of them"?
She rose to her feet as her thoughts froze, and her breathing stopped.
Her thoughts froze? Her thoughts
froze
?
This calls for one of your patented WAAAAAAHs.
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branchandrootbranchandroot
no subject
Date: 2005-03-19 03:17 am (UTC)She ignored it and continued to dig, when something caught her eye, looking up, she dropped her shovel.
Is the eye looking up? Is she looking up? Why is this all one sentence?
Coming across the path was a demon, not just one, but lots of them.
WHERE DID THIS CHICK LEARN HOW TO USE A COMMA? Plus, "but lots of them"?
She rose to her feet as her thoughts froze, and her breathing stopped.
Her thoughts froze? Her thoughts froze?
This calls for one of your patented WAAAAAAHs.