Date: 2005-03-19 03:17 am (UTC)
I don't even care. The mind just boggles at a writer who thinks this is worth publishing. I'm being kind of mean, I guess, but...

She ignored it and continued to dig, when something caught her eye, looking up, she dropped her shovel.

Is the eye looking up? Is she looking up? Why is this all one sentence?

Coming across the path was a demon, not just one, but lots of them.

WHERE DID THIS CHICK LEARN HOW TO USE A COMMA? Plus, "but lots of them"?

She rose to her feet as her thoughts froze, and her breathing stopped.

Her thoughts froze? Her thoughts froze?

This calls for one of your patented WAAAAAAHs.
This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting

Profile

cleolinda: (Default)
cleolinda

June 2024

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Feb. 11th, 2026 05:15 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios