Oscar entry #3
Feb. 27th, 2005 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cleolindaI never did get my monitors switched out, by the way. Woe.
What the crap is this dancy flute music? Ah, it's a montage. Gotta have a montage. "Since movies began, we've been under their spell." Well, yes. Who's speaking? I can't tell. Dustin Hoffman? Ah, half the FOTR score. They start playing Eminem and I just start laughing. (Backstage, Gil Cates: "MONTAGE FASTERRRRRR!") There's a fun Chaplin-Shrek thing--I wish I could describe it, but Chris Rock is already out. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a rocky night. "SIT YO ASSES DOWN!" And immediately with the "four black nominees" stuff. And something about Rocky V sucking, which--duh, Chris Rock. "There's no acting at the Oscars!" Oh, I beg to diffah. Have you ever watched the losers' faces? Ah, there he goes with that. When Halle Berry won, "Nicole Kidman was smilin' so wide, she shoulda won an Emmy at the Oscars! If you'da done that in a movie, you'da won that Oscar, girl!" And then he mentions "movies so bad that they make you question the actors' finances." I have two words for you, Chris Rock: Bad. Company.
(Oooo, I like Kate Winslet's dress.)
Rock goes off on Jude Law being in everything. Some of his "If you can't get blah, wait!" stuff kinda doesn't make sense, in that I'd rather see Jude Law over Tom Cruise any day. "If you makin' a movie about the past, you better get Russell Crowe's ass." Nice riff on Russell doing the research for any historical movie--"He'll walk like three weeks ago, he'll talk like three weeks ago, he'll cut his hair like three weeks ago!" Nice jab at himself here, by the way--"If you can't get Denzel Washington, all you can get is me--WAIT!" Ohhhhh, nice Michael Moore/Super Size Me joke ("He's already done the research!"). Oh, Lord, Fahrenheit 9/11-George Bush jokes. Batten down the hatches. "Imagine if you work for the Gap, and you're $73 trillion behind, and you start a war with Banana Republic 'cause they got toxic tank tops or something, 1000 Gap employees dyin' a day, and then you find out... Banana Republic never made no tank tops anyway." Hee. Now he's going off Passion of the Christ vs. sad-ass black movies--"Soul Plane! Barbershop! Car Wash! Those ain't titles! They're just locations!" And then a shout-out to the troops.
Here's Halle Berry, after a quick jab at "the highly-anticipated Catwoman 2." She's here to present....? Art Direction, oh Jeeeeeesus--here's all the nominees on stage. Aaaand the horror starts early. I have to admit, I didn't think they'd let plebeians like these up on the stage, so... props? GOOOOOO SNICKET! Failing Snicket, GOOOO PHANTOM! Heeee, they played the opening POTO theme and I burst out laughing. Can't help it.
Oh shit! The Aviator wins! That blows both my pool predictions. Shit!
What the crap is this dancy flute music? Ah, it's a montage. Gotta have a montage. "Since movies began, we've been under their spell." Well, yes. Who's speaking? I can't tell. Dustin Hoffman? Ah, half the FOTR score. They start playing Eminem and I just start laughing. (Backstage, Gil Cates: "MONTAGE FASTERRRRRR!") There's a fun Chaplin-Shrek thing--I wish I could describe it, but Chris Rock is already out. Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a rocky night. "SIT YO ASSES DOWN!" And immediately with the "four black nominees" stuff. And something about Rocky V sucking, which--duh, Chris Rock. "There's no acting at the Oscars!" Oh, I beg to diffah. Have you ever watched the losers' faces? Ah, there he goes with that. When Halle Berry won, "Nicole Kidman was smilin' so wide, she shoulda won an Emmy at the Oscars! If you'da done that in a movie, you'da won that Oscar, girl!" And then he mentions "movies so bad that they make you question the actors' finances." I have two words for you, Chris Rock: Bad. Company.
(Oooo, I like Kate Winslet's dress.)
Rock goes off on Jude Law being in everything. Some of his "If you can't get blah, wait!" stuff kinda doesn't make sense, in that I'd rather see Jude Law over Tom Cruise any day. "If you makin' a movie about the past, you better get Russell Crowe's ass." Nice riff on Russell doing the research for any historical movie--"He'll walk like three weeks ago, he'll talk like three weeks ago, he'll cut his hair like three weeks ago!" Nice jab at himself here, by the way--"If you can't get Denzel Washington, all you can get is me--WAIT!" Ohhhhh, nice Michael Moore/Super Size Me joke ("He's already done the research!"). Oh, Lord, Fahrenheit 9/11-George Bush jokes. Batten down the hatches. "Imagine if you work for the Gap, and you're $73 trillion behind, and you start a war with Banana Republic 'cause they got toxic tank tops or something, 1000 Gap employees dyin' a day, and then you find out... Banana Republic never made no tank tops anyway." Hee. Now he's going off Passion of the Christ vs. sad-ass black movies--"Soul Plane! Barbershop! Car Wash! Those ain't titles! They're just locations!" And then a shout-out to the troops.
Here's Halle Berry, after a quick jab at "the highly-anticipated Catwoman 2." She's here to present....? Art Direction, oh Jeeeeeesus--here's all the nominees on stage. Aaaand the horror starts early. I have to admit, I didn't think they'd let plebeians like these up on the stage, so... props? GOOOOOO SNICKET! Failing Snicket, GOOOO PHANTOM! Heeee, they played the opening POTO theme and I burst out laughing. Can't help it.
Oh shit! The Aviator wins! That blows both my pool predictions. Shit!
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:50 am (UTC)Priceless.
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:51 am (UTC)Chris Rock went on forever didn't he?
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:52 am (UTC)YES, he did! But at least it was funny.
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:54 am (UTC)what's your icon of?
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:58 am (UTC)If it weren't for the Internet, I'd have missed it all. You're so my hero for doing this!
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:05 am (UTC)My letter to Beyonce:
Date: 2005-02-28 02:06 am (UTC)Dearest Beyonce--
Shut up.
You can not sing French. I take Spanish in school and I know you are mangling the words horribly. More over, this is not a song suited to your voice! Why don't you have the actual actors sing it?
Lovies,
Newbia
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Date: 2005-02-28 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:10 am (UTC)Yeah, Snicket or PotO shoulda won it...
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Date: 2005-02-28 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 03:52 am (UTC)PS. The Aviator is SO gonna sweep everything (:
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Date: 2005-02-28 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 05:05 am (UTC)And I have three more: Cell. Block. 4.
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Date: 2005-02-28 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 08:06 am (UTC)The Phantom of the Opera was just beautiful! All of it! It should have been nominated (and won) for Costumes, too. Not The Aviator again! "Oh my God! Clothing from 50 years ago? AMAZING! How did they pull it off?!" Where as there were costumes for all of the operas and everything in PotO. I'm angry.
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Date: 2005-02-28 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 05:55 pm (UTC)