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She IS a man, baby!
[The scene: I am half-watching Passions while eating lunch and checking my email.]
Cleo: "HOLY SHIT! YOU GOTTA COME SEE THIS!"
Sister Girl [noodling around on piano downstairs]: "What?"
Cleo: "CHARLIE'S REALLY A MAN!"
[Sound of Sister Girl's footsteps thumping upstairs].
Cleo: "OMIGOD! CHARLIE'S A MAN! LOOK!"
Sister Girl: "What?" [Show has cut to commercial.]
Cleo: "She didn't drown [when she drove the getaway car that did not actually have the kidnapped baby in the backseat, but everyone except Kidnapper Beth thought it did, over the bridge and into the bay], and she showed back up on the beach, and Beth and Beth's mother found her, and they were all like, 'Hi... didn't betray you at all, why do you ask?,' and Charlie was taking it really well, and she was talking so weird--you know, not her usual Deranged Hick accent, she was all calm and like, 'This was all part of my master plan, I don't care who raises the baby as long as it's not Luis and Sheridan. I'm going to disappear and no one will ever see me again. We could have had something, Beth'--you know, never mind that she's had this deranged crush on Beth the whole time [two or three months] that I've been watching this show, so this is a total 180, but okay, and Beth's all like, 'What?' And then Charlie gives Beth this MAJOR kiss--"
Sister Girl [making face]: "EW."
Cleo: "Yeah, that's exactly the face Beth's mother is making. I don't know... I know Charlie's kinda mansome and all, and that lank ponytail is awful, but once she dropped that hick accent and got all smooth on Beth, I dunno...it was kind of awesome."
Sister Girl: "EW!"
Cleo: "ANYWAY, Beth's got her hand at her mouth after Charlie leaves and is all confused, you know, like, 'Ooo.' And then Charlie goes off somewhere and gets on this private jet and the stewardess is all like, 'Excuse me?,' and she sits down and gets a drink and a cigar and then she just totally TAKES OFF HER FACE all Mission: Impossible-style and a wig and she's a CRANE! I have no idea which one, though... Alistair something?"
[Sheridan's a Crane. I have no idea why all the other Cranes hate her, but apparently they've tried to kill her before. The show comes back on but we don't see anymore of the Sheridan and Her Kidnapped Baby storyline.]
Sister Girl: "Awwwwwwwww, man! ...Maybe they'll show it again at the beginning tomorrow."
Cleo: "Dude... that was so incredibly implausible and inconsistent with everything Charlie has done up until now. It was seriously the most awesome thing I've seen in, like, ever."
Cleo: "HOLY SHIT! YOU GOTTA COME SEE THIS!"
Sister Girl [noodling around on piano downstairs]: "What?"
Cleo: "CHARLIE'S REALLY A MAN!"
[Sound of Sister Girl's footsteps thumping upstairs].
Cleo: "OMIGOD! CHARLIE'S A MAN! LOOK!"
Sister Girl: "What?" [Show has cut to commercial.]
Cleo: "She didn't drown [when she drove the getaway car that did not actually have the kidnapped baby in the backseat, but everyone except Kidnapper Beth thought it did, over the bridge and into the bay], and she showed back up on the beach, and Beth and Beth's mother found her, and they were all like, 'Hi... didn't betray you at all, why do you ask?,' and Charlie was taking it really well, and she was talking so weird--you know, not her usual Deranged Hick accent, she was all calm and like, 'This was all part of my master plan, I don't care who raises the baby as long as it's not Luis and Sheridan. I'm going to disappear and no one will ever see me again. We could have had something, Beth'--you know, never mind that she's had this deranged crush on Beth the whole time [two or three months] that I've been watching this show, so this is a total 180, but okay, and Beth's all like, 'What?' And then Charlie gives Beth this MAJOR kiss--"
Sister Girl [making face]: "EW."
Cleo: "Yeah, that's exactly the face Beth's mother is making. I don't know... I know Charlie's kinda mansome and all, and that lank ponytail is awful, but once she dropped that hick accent and got all smooth on Beth, I dunno...it was kind of awesome."
Sister Girl: "EW!"
Cleo: "ANYWAY, Beth's got her hand at her mouth after Charlie leaves and is all confused, you know, like, 'Ooo.' And then Charlie goes off somewhere and gets on this private jet and the stewardess is all like, 'Excuse me?,' and she sits down and gets a drink and a cigar and then she just totally TAKES OFF HER FACE all Mission: Impossible-style and a wig and she's a CRANE! I have no idea which one, though... Alistair something?"
[Sheridan's a Crane. I have no idea why all the other Cranes hate her, but apparently they've tried to kill her before. The show comes back on but we don't see anymore of the Sheridan and Her Kidnapped Baby storyline.]
Sister Girl: "Awwwwwwwww, man! ...Maybe they'll show it again at the beginning tomorrow."
Cleo: "Dude... that was so incredibly implausible and inconsistent with everything Charlie has done up until now. It was seriously the most awesome thing I've seen in, like, ever."